Evening,
Before I get to to my situation, I feel a quick intro is in order. I'm a nineteen year old male; that info alone will probably set off some alarms so I'll just be honest about it. The reason I'm posting here is because I need some help with a fairly serious issue that my girlfriend brought up a few days ago (you've probably already figured it out). Anyway, the reason I'm coming to this board is because I want to find honest and intelligent individuals who'll give me a clean and straightforward answer without the psychobabble BS. The reason I'm asking here is because I figure, who'd know better than those with experience? Also, I don't feel comfortable bringing it up with people we both know or even in a real world setting because if this were to start rumors the effects could be really damaging.
For what it's worth my girlfriend and I have been going out for about six months, we met through the local alternative music scene and hit it off great. We're very close, and both of us often comment that this is the best relationship we've been in. We're both fresh out of high school, we both had miserable dating experiences and so freed of those social constraints we've been very open about everything, including personal details/stories/experiences/etc.
So, go figure, a few days ago she mentioned that she'd had a lesbian relationship not long ago (before we started dating though). Frankly I'm a liberal person, I'm pro alternative lifestyle and all that, so the fact she had the experience didn't bother me at all, more power to her. Nonetheless, I do worry, she's admitted that she had some rotten things done to her by the males she dated in high school, everything from cheating to attempted rape. I've done my best to make her happy, I care very much for her so naturally this goes beyond sex and physical lust to the point where I'd rather she were content and seeing someone else than stuck with me.
I've kicked the whole situation around for awhile. It was only one time, she seems happy now, we just started sexual activity and we both enjoy it (or so she says). Still, I didn't know her prior to starting the relationship so it's hard for me to tell if she's actually happy with our relationship or just saying so. I'm honestly not to good at reading body language, but occasionally I get these vibes during romantic activity that she's not totally content. I've brought it up to her before, but she just assures me that she's fine. Naturally it could be me, but she seems perfectly fine when we're simply spending time together under no sort of romantic context.
Ehh, I'm rambling, I guess my big question is: Is there a possibility that she's not interested in opposite sex relationships? I've been wanting to talk about it with our real world friends, but I don't want to start to spread rumors or cause her trouble with her girlfriends. I'm pretty inexperienced with the whole homosexual interaction/friendship, what with coming from Nowhere Alaska we don't find many alternative lifestyles so there's a lot of social constraint and dishonesty with sexual preference due to ridicule.
Honestly, I just want her to be happy. I'd rather have her as a best friend than a sexual partner if she doesn't want the relationship aspect. I care about her to the extent that I'm totally fine with breaking it off and helping her find someone she wants to be with. At the same time I don't want to bring it up and just end up embarressing the hell out of her, I fully realize I could be way off and just over-reacting to a few incedents or experiences that are more common than admitted to by most. Sheesh, I'm confused... Any help would be appreciated, even some sort of suggestion for to how to deal with the situation without hurting her or ruining something that didn't need to be fixed,
i'm so not good at this but i'll attempt anyway. ^^.
from what i read you want to know if your girlfriend isn't so into the whole heterosexual relationship gig? well let me ask a question, before you knew that she had had a relationship with a girl before your relationship now, did you guys have a satisfying sexual experience?
because if you didn't have one...then yes something could be up, and i know you said that you've brought it up, but you might want to try again. really when it comes to satisfying your partner guessing games are not the way to go.
but if you had a satisfactory one then maybe you are jumping at shadows. or, while this is probably not a possibility you want to hear, the conversation could have brought back memories and now she might be thinking a bit more about them.
i don't know.
the only sound advice that i can offer you is for you to talk. it sounds like you guys don't have a problem communicating about things like this. so bring it up again (especially if this is really bothering you, because it has the potential to destroy what you have). don't be an ass about it, but don't let her take an out if you think she's dodging. she may right well be perfectly happy and content with the status quo...but if there is a problem it's best to face it head on than wait for it to come back and bite you in the arse.
well anyway i know that's probably not much help, but good luck, and don't be afraid to voice your worries. in the long run it may help the both of you.
~chance _________________ Timing is everything...unfortunately I'm too early or too late.
Sat Nov 27, 2004 10:47 pm
One of the Thousand
Joined: 27 Nov 2004
Posts: 3
Thanks lastchance, I appreciate the input, just being able to talk about it helps. I think you're right, the best thing to do is just sit down and talk it out. Before bringing it up we were doing fine sexually, you did actually help me realize the fact that she began to seem distracted after she mentioned her experience. Ehh, guess I just need to figure out what to say... Anyway, thanks!
well i'm glad that some of my babbling helped you.
good luck mate...^^
~chance _________________ Timing is everything...unfortunately I'm too early or too late.
Sat Nov 27, 2004 11:13 pm
melons Site Admin
Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 2371
Hi
I was reading this and getting ready to post when lastchance replied and I agree with everything that she says.
If you continue to be uncertain about whether your g/f enjoys heterosexual relationships then it would be best to discuss it further with her, before the uncertainty troubles you more. It would appear that you have good communication and trust one another, she has trusted you with this information and been honest with you, there is no reason to believe that she won't continue to be honest
I agree with you that discussing this with her friends, or other people that you know, is inappropriate and I honestly believe your g/f would not thank you if you did so.
Thanks for being upfront about being a male and for posting your request for help so respectfully to the women in this community.
I hope that this all works out well for you, you appear to be a very level headed young man.
All the best,
Mel
Sat Nov 27, 2004 11:14 pm
One of the Thousand
Joined: 27 Nov 2004
Posts: 3
Thanks Mel, I appreciate the advice. Anyway, I think the main problem was I just needed to sort this out with some level headed and understanding individuals... No one I know personally. Guess we'll sit down and talk about it. It'd be appropriate to let you guys know how this ends, I've got a feeling it'll go better than it would have if I hadn't asked. Thanks again for your help!
Sat Nov 27, 2004 11:54 pm
hot247
Joined: 18 Nov 2004
Posts: 10
Hello.
Just wanted to throw in my opinion. I have been straight my whole life, only been attracted to men. I am married and just recently been with a woman. I have talked with my husbnad about it and he got VERY insecure. He is not open minded at all and even though he says he would love to watch me with another woman, he has bombarded me with alot of questions. I think the minute men hear that their girl has either been with or wants to be with a woman, they start to question their manhood. It isn't about that at all. My husband and I have GREAT sex. I get satisfaction from him that I can't get with a woman. But then again, she fills alot that I can't get from him too, just in different ways. But don't feel that she isn't satisfied with you just becasue she has been with a woman. And try not to over due it with the questions to her. It is one thing to communicate and another to question and come off insecure. Sounds like you are doing all you can do to be good to her. Just continue to be good to her to prove to her that not all men can be a-holes. You sound like a great guy and you care enough about her to write us. I love being with a woman, but I very much love being with a man too. Each give ya something different. Sounds like she wants you or she wouldn't be with you!!!! Chin up!!
Fri Dec 03, 2004 5:52 am
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
((One))
What a wonderful thing to do, to try to get others perspectives as to possibly learn maybe what your friend might feel. Though the only person who can tell you is she. Still, I admire your honesty and courage...your such a sweetie!
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and I agree with everything that she says.
and for posting your request for help so respectfully to the women in this community.
