Yea! I came out to one of my friends last night. Sort of...She read my keychain, "My parents said I could be anything I wanted to be so I became a lesbian." She was shocked. It went well and all, but it really annoyed me that all she had to say was "Why do you want to be a lesbian? I mean they're all backstabing bitches. At least the ones I know." I wanted to tell her off or explain. All I could say was, "Well, send 'em on over, 'cause I want to date women." I was shocked at her response cause her mom dated a woman for most of her childhood and she had said she might be bi a few years ago.
Everyone has a problem with the idea of how could I be a lesbian. Why do you have to date guys or have sex with a guy first to know your lesbian? I have always been apathetic toward guys. Yeah, I could date a guy, have sex with a guy, but that's all it would be, sex with no emotional intimacy. I had denied thinking about women cause I was brought up in an uber conservative home. At football games I watched the cheerleaders and poms. I was always attracted to girls but forced my self to pass it off only as envy. I always caught myself, checking out girls and catching myself before I uttered, "Oh, she's hot." I don't check out guys. Guys may be hot but it's simply asthetic for me. My straight girl friends are always groping on eachother and all, but I've resisted the urge to feel them up as much as they offer. I passed it off as modesty; I now realize I didn't want to enjoy it, because I wouldn't be able to date them or go further. It would just be a tease if I engaged. I've tried to avert my eyes when women change in front of me, even if they've got no problem with me looking at them, because I knew I would be turned on. Put a naked guy in front of me, I could probably care less. I've only crushed on girls, even been heartbroken knowing one that I cared for so much was straight. So how in the world can everyone question my love of women? I haven't been with a guy. I only haven't been with a girl because I forced my self to always pass it off as something else. I was thinking that I was going to end up very lonely, when I was considering my self straight on account of society, but now that I've opened my self up to considering women, I see the future as bright, filled with love and happiness married to the woman of my dreams.
Why does everyone see me as a straight girl?
Sun Oct 22, 2006 3:35 pm
Azraelle
Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 39
More than likely your friend is having more trouble accepting your sexuality than you may think. Despite how open minded people claim to be, there's a very thin line between acceptance and tolerance; a friend who wonders why you're gay or encourages you to sleep with a man first to "be sure" is tolerating. A friend who doesn't question who you are or wonder why you're that way is "accepting"-- not to say a friend who tolerates isn't a good friend. They just take a little longer to adjust to your preferences.
Being gay is still a very strange and unorthodox thing to some people. Unfortunately, even the ones who know we're no different than them still see it as abnormal, whether they like it or not.
Sun Oct 22, 2006 6:14 pm
findyourpassion
Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Posts: 82
Yeah...my parents had always brought me up to be very accepting, and I am, and I always thought they were too, and I mean about lots of things, not just being gay or lesbian. Our family has homosexual friends and my parents have no problem with them as far as I can tell, but when I tried to tell my mom that I am a lesbian she didn't respond the way I had expected. I guess it's one thing if you're a step removed, but when it's your own daughter it's a little too close for comfort. It's not like she was angry at me, or wanted to throw me out or anything, but it was like she didn't believe me, didn't want to belive me, wondered why on earth I would ever want women...she still thinks I'm straight. Part of the problem is that when I talked to her I was just figuring it out and I was honestly confused. She was so flipped out just at the prospect of my being lesbian that I told her not to worry about it. I told her I had gotten it off my chest, (I hadn't talked to anyone about anything I was going through- she was the first) and I'd figure everything else out on my own, and then if I figured out I was really a lesbian I'd talk to her again about it. Azraelle, I like what you said about acceptance and tolerance...I didn't know how to put it into words, but that's it- when I told my mom I thought maybe I'm a lesbian I felt like she would tolerate it if that's what ended up being the truth, but that's all.
And so here I am now, as much of a lesbian as ever, and I haven't said a word to her because I can't bring myself too.
She brought it up the other day actually, referring to the first time I talked about it, and how I'd really "put her to the test" then...and all I could muster to say was that everything was "resolved." Resolved in that I am no longer confused about my sexuality like I was when I first talked to her, but I know that she thinks "resolved" means I'm straight.
I know I'll have to tell her at some point, but right now I just can't. I have to build up some other support first because she's not going to be the support she usually is.
Ok rant over. Sorry. But I feel your frustration.
Mon Oct 23, 2006 2:38 am
Scarlet_Dawn
Joined: 24 Sep 2006
Posts: 18
Yeah, I know its tolerance rather than acceptance, but it's almost the best reaction I could have gotten from a straight person where I live. I should have really used the word tolerance. The reactions of everyone else that I'm close to will be so much worse. I have to move out before my parents know, cause otherwise I don't think I'll have a place to live. So my friends reaction, not so bad. Could have been better and wasn't as good as I had hope.
It sucks that we've got to speak in code. You should talk to your mom findyourpassion, I think, 'cause the sooner it's out there, the sooner her perspective can change. I know, I'm a hypocrite, but I really want to get through college, and that requires a place to live.
On a side note, even a FTM guy, asked me how I could be into women without trying out guys first. Why can't attraction be justification enough?
Mon Oct 23, 2006 12:43 pm
Azraelle
Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 39
How does a woman know if they're attracted to men if they've never been with women first? ;.;
Justification over how silly that question is. People are not candy; the taste doesn't affect the attraction ^_~
Mon Oct 23, 2006 5:49 pm
findyourpassion
Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Posts: 82
I know I need to talk to her...it's just not something I can deal with right now. I'll get to a point where I can talk to her about it again...but for now, at this point, no. I think in a way the longer I wait the harder it will be, but I just can't right now...here's to be able to soon though...
Wed Oct 25, 2006 2:33 am
Guest
omg, this is my story too! im in the exact same boat as u scarlet_dawn.
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She was shocked. It went well and all, but it really annoyed me that all she had to say was "Why do you want to be a lesbian? I mean they're all backstabing bitches. At least the ones I know." I wanted to tell her off or explain. All I could say was, "Well, send 'em on over, 'cause I want to date women." I was shocked at her response cause her mom dated a woman for most of her childhood and she had said she might be bi a few years ago.
