so, it still feels surreal to be typing this but maybe some of you can help me sort through the past several months of stressing and debating in my head.
my story (hopeully shortish): i had always believed/ said i believed in a spectrum of sexualities with it being more about the person than their sexuality. but i never considered myself anything but straight. i had been seriously attracted to several guys in highschool and the beginning of college. then i went abroad for a semester and met this girl who was completely open and proud of it. this wasnt a new experience for me, i have many friends and relatives who are out, but my reactions to her were new and scared me. she flirted with me though she thought i was straight and i spent several months debating with myself over my feelings for her. i know now and fully accept that i am more attracted to her than i have been to anyone else, though i know nothing will happen (that is another story).
i am 22 and have never had a "real" kiss or anything else of any significance. i used to blame this on a variety of factors including shyness and lack of selfesteem, but i am beginning to think it may be b/c i have always been attracted to girls and unwilling to accept it.
so my question is, does that make sense to anyone else? has anyone been in a similar situation? and where do i go from here? i dont want to come out to other people until im 100% with myself but i dont think i can get there until i have some kind of relationship with a woman. it seems like a catch 22....
any help or advice at all would be greatly appreciated!!! thanks in advance!
Sun Nov 19, 2006 5:44 am
Guest
I have the same poblem I'm the other anonomous guest who wrote "not sure" I'm in the same predicament, I blamed my lack of dating on my shyness but I think theres more too it than that, I mean my mum has said "oh look at him isn't he gorgeous" and I wince or slide down the seat LOL it's so confusing because I've never had a boyfriend so I worry if i'm being too quick to say I might be gay or bisexual , it is stressful and I want to be 100 % sure like you ,so I'm still thinking it over.
Sun Nov 19, 2006 4:33 pm
ReptileDyke
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 15
Location: NC
You don't have to decide now. You're still very young. But do what you feel is right, and break it off the moment you don't feel right about it. You can always be bi, and be in the middle. _________________ I lied about my age...
Sun Nov 19, 2006 6:49 pm
findyourpassion
Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Posts: 82
I just replied to the other thread similar to this, and it's like you're telling my story. I know how you feel, i just went through that. PM me I'd love to talk.
Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:42 am
traveller
Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Posts: 12
Location: Nashville, TN
I read your post a while ago, and I thought, "I could have written this!!!" Unfortunately, this is the first chance I've had to reply...
During high school and college, I watched my girl friends meet guys and go out on dates and stuff...I never found myself in that situation. My mom said that I "just hadn't found the right guy yet" and left it at that...I knew that didn't sound right, but, what could I say to my mom??? "Oh gee mom, I'm not interested in having a relationship with a guy"????? I don't think so...
The week before I turned 22, I started a 'relationship' with a guy who was a few years younger...It ended up being the worst 2 weeks of my life, and it took me a long time to get over it...Actually, I'm still not over it...Anywho, looking back, I can honestly say that I did it just so I could prove I was "normal" and that I could have a relationship with a guy and feel something...I didn't feel anything except HORRIBLE, and totally pissed at myself for letting it happen...as for sexual attraction-NOT!!
One of my best friends in high school was a guy who just happened to be gay...He's one of the most awesome, open people I know...
But I never let myself openly think I was anything but straight until the middle of August this year...I moved away from home, and I realized I could ask myself questions and think about things that I could never ask/think at home...I've been out to myself since August 17th...so far I've only told one person from back home (not a relative) and a handful of people here in Nashville...I've found a wonderful support group...Unfortunately, it's through a counselling group, and confidentiality issues keep me from socializing w/them outside of counseling...I'm trying to find more support, but it's hard, b/c, like you, I'm not 100% sure...i'm at about 95% right now, but I"m afraid of questions ppl might ask that I might not be ready to answer...
In the meantime, I'm dealing w/my mom saying that my one guy roomie is "SO CUTE" and my co-workers (esp my boss) asking about my dating life and saying that I'll "find someone soon."
To summarize my long ramble, I know what you're going thru, and would love to chat w/you sometime best of luck _________________ A true friend is someone who knows everything about you, and loves you anyway.
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