Hmm... where to begin. I am 18 years old, a college student and a CSR at a movie rental chain. I searched all over for a forum for lesbians, because I've recently come to terms that I am gay, but beyond my two guy friends (who are engaged to eachother) I don't have anyone to really talk to about anything. I'm afraid to tell my parents, not because they would get mad, but because how they view me will change. Some friends of mine will hate me, I know. I'm friends with all sorts of people, but when the people who are my closest talk about gay people (most of the time its about gay men, I think most people don't want to even acknowledge gay women unless it involves a threesome, or a prudish woman) its so negative, and its like gays are a completely different species. Even my sister believes that all gay men are fruity, limp-wristed shrimpy boys who are all about themselves. She doesn't think about race or gender like this at all, but for some reason, only certain type of people are gay. I don't think I fit the stupid stereotypical mold of a lesbian- I wear make up, I like to dress up every once in awhile, I don't like gross things like bugs, I listen to a variety of music (though I do admit, I LOVE Holly Brook) and (GASP) I have long hair. I'm just sexually attracted to women, not men. I've tried so hard to convince myself to like guys. I just wanted to be normal, to join in girl chat and talk about how hot Orlando Bloom was, and brag about making out with the "cute" guys. i would kiss guys just searching for that feeling, to get lost in it, but my mind always goes to "when is this over?" and "thank God I have my eyes closed". And when I was being pushed into a relationship with a guy, I just couldn't take it anymore. Maybe it would make people be happy to see me with a guy in a normal relationship, but it can't make me happy. And, as I said before, I came out to my gay friends (One said it was weird because he never thought of me of having any sort of sexuality, and the other said he always knew I was a "big dyke") and now that single step towards completely coming out has given me a new sense of freedom. I can openly talk about how hot a girl is without insisting I'm straight, and I can kiss my friend without having to say its just for fun or she is a good kisser (before my friend and i would get dared to kiss, yes truth or dare, we are very cool kids, and I just couldn't let it stop, and people would get very confused). Though it may sound really sick, my bi friends have been more touchy feely, giving me a little bit of that warm flirty feeling. I'm not dating anyone, nor do I know of anyone I want to date (I'm really hesistant to date bi girls, the ones I know are the people who date men and fool around with girls) but I am finally happy of where I am going. Still, in a way, it all scares me. I think about all the things people say about lesbians, and how they are treated, and how I may never be able to get married one day. Thinking about all that makes me want to hide everything again. It feels like coming out completely is just a social thing, seeing if your family and friends will accept you, or just try to change you. I'm not sure if I am ready for all of that. How does someone know when is the right time to finally come out?
Wed Nov 08, 2006 8:36 am
findyourpassion
Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Posts: 82
It depends on the person, and I mean it depends on the one who is coming out, and it depends on who you're telling. There's no rush and you don't need to come out to everyone at once. Be comfortable with yourself and go with the flow. If you're not ready to come out to people just yet then don't. No sense in making it a bigger deal than it has to be. With time you'll feel more ready to tell some people, and maybe not others. Start with people you know will be supportive, and that will help if you get to someone who's not.
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