My best friend and I first started "fooling around" one drunken night at a party. Then again..and again...and again. We fell in love over the summer. She was a closet case and I was just in denial. I left my boyfriend because I "needed space" and fell in deep, total, just love, love, love, there's no words.
My girlfriend and I are in a really tight group of friends. The only person who knows about us is my brother. We're always sneaking around and it's starting to get to me. Most of my friends are straight girls Who and I quote, my best friend, "it's okay to make out with girls at a party and sutff. I just cannot understand how two girls can love eachother. it's just gross." After she said that my g/f and I just gave eachother "the look". The worst thing is that I can't talk to anybody about how happy and in love I am. I'm so sick of hiding.
I am so afraid though. I know what's gonna happen when I come out and it honestly scares the crap out of me. I don't have any lesbian friends and the ones around here are the total opposite of my girlfriend and I. I'm femme and girly so is my girlfriend. The only thing I know about lesbians comes from the L-Word and that I am one.
I need help!!!!
Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:24 am
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
hey girl.
that really sux to be in that situation and would be really hard. i had to live a hidden bit with a friend before and it was not good. i don't think hiding or living a double life is good for anyone, or healthy for that matter.
you should be able to be who you are.
you sound young and your friends sound a lil immature, honestly.
i don't get how 2 women being in love is gross, it's beautiful
they are just close minded.
i hope you get some real support.
drop me a line or 2 if ya need 2.
i'm learning myself, lol.
and i don't really do labels and all that.
i just know being with a woman is very natural to me.
and good!
mystic
Tue Oct 24, 2006 12:18 am
Azraelle
Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 39
Meaningless raunchy necking is okay with her, but love makes her sick?
...
Tue Oct 24, 2006 1:55 am
Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
Welcome to Mel's Miss Rebecca! to you AND your lady friend. My apologies if i am extremely tardy with the sentiment. What you are experiencing with regard to your best friend's comment = two women love each other is gross.... well, sadly, you will continue to hear that comment for the remainder of your life ... its generated by a lack of experience and knowledge .... What each of us knows is just that, an individual amalgamation. I'm not gonna tell you how to handle it because we all negotiate our conversations and interactions with the world at large in our own individual ways....
Moi? Some folks i have analyzed the statement with, others i just skipped it, some i argued with, then.... there are those glorious humans who understand that love simply is, it comes, it possesses us, we allow it to rule our thoughts and steer our living ... regardless of what we keep cozy in our underpants ....
You KNOW what is gonna happen when/if you come out? wow... i had my suspicions and fears and hopes... but i didn't know. When i did/do come out (its nearly a weekly event any more i've been out so long), usually people are cordial, a very few are downright rude, and many just don't care but they "needed to know". You cannot know what the future will drop on your shoes - it is not truly possible.
Relax, enjoy, be who you are and don't worry about the definitions or preconceived thinking swirling about. [Being lesbian is only PART of who i am, granted, a big part, but the grand entity of I is comprised of far more than what "sex" i share my life with ...]
need company? hang around ! drop in chat... we're all over the globe and at one point or another in life, most of us have felt the many emotions you have just now shared...
psst! we're still here! we're still queer! we're still happy and hopeful... _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
Tue Oct 24, 2006 2:53 am
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
^^^^ exactly! x2
Wed Oct 25, 2006 2:38 am
miss rebecca
Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 99
Location: neverland
I guess I don't KNOW what is going to happen when I come out but, i have a great suspicions. i mean gay doesn't go well here. i live in a town where the cattle auction on tuesday is the main event. i know i'm probably going to have to go through a lot of shit when i do. it's extremely exhausting but, i do hope it will be worth it.
it's just hard and confusing. i love my girlfriend more than i have ever loved anyone. she and my friends are the only family i have. i know that if they're my true friend they'll love me no matter what. the way i see it is i'm not being a very good friend either if i'm hiding this huge secret from them. yes--they're inmature and close minded but they've been there for me when no one else was. geeze...it's just [/i]so
hard!!!
i think all of you ladies are soooo brave for coming out. i just wish i had the courage ya'll do.
Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:25 am
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
Rebecca
it'll be ok. i think sometiems not knowing the is scarier.
i am sure you will face rejection.
but remain true to yourself.
i lived a lot of my life for other ppl
and was miserable.
now i live it true to me.
and ppl that realy love me accept me
for that.
try to stay true to you.
mystic
Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:38 am
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
btw, read my sig is what that's about.
and i'm not trying to diss your feelings like that or nothing, they are real and valid.
it took me a long time to get to this point.
Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:41 am
miss rebecca
Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 99
Location: neverland
thanks for the kind words, mystics. _________________ you don't have to be rich to be my girl
you don't have to be cool to rule my world
ain't no
particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want
your extra time and your . . .
kiss.
Wed Oct 25, 2006 5:48 am
Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
miss rebecca, if it helps, i live in a town with 2 cattle auctions - one on Tuesday, the other of Friday (the Friday night gather is quite a hooplah !) AND i have many friends in this town - all of whom know that Phyllis and I are DEFINITELY an item and always have been....
We don't make a point of jamming anything in anybody's face... on the other hand, we don't make a point of hiding our love and emotional bond.
At first the town was a bit strange... now that we've been here for about 18 years; not only were we a little odd to the odd, but the townspeople struck as odd in the beginning... seems it was a mutual feeling.
These days, well, we're accepted... not only do i know that from the friendly waves and conversations and our many friends... but more importantly and more especially, because several families over the years have approached us to help them - help them understand, accept, work through, discover, etc. "being gay" ... usually because, one of the younger family members has "discovered" they are gay... we've sort of become a community resource...
As to the town i grew up in? we didn't have a cattle auction cause all the farmers came to this town (where we now live)... The town i grew up in was a coal/steel town, lots of small bars, tired people and dirty windows. When i go home, i am welcomed.
As said before, i think its mostly because we live our lives honestly ... we are honest with ourselves, our families ... AND, unlike a big city, we express our love publicly about as much as any "old married" couple does with deliberate thought. Without deliberate thought, we have become a couple and the whole world knows it - not because we hold hands (cause we don't as a rule) but just because we ARE.
Coming out? well, its done as you feel comfortable sharing the information. I can tell you, i have never lost a true friend over the shared information. A few got REAL quiet for a month or so but then we picked up where we left off. Some friends want to know more, some want to know little. A couple of my freinds became my greatest defenders and supporters. None of it happened over night. Frankly, most knew long before i ever said a word or acted upon my feelings.
Just as it has taken you a while to get to this point in your thinking, it will/may also take some folks a while to meet you half way. Good luck ! _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:56 am
naughtygurl72
Joined: 28 Jul 2006
Posts: 145
Location: neither here nor there...
huumm
i read on one of the posts that you are coming to nashville....if so then that means nashville,tn correct? if that is so..then you are not going to be to far from where i live..i to..live in the south...i knew i was a lesbian at 15,from making out with my best girlfriend at that time....the town i live in is so small blink you miss it!! the '''hippie farm'' is the most open place ive ever been in my life....i went on to marry, have a child, divorce, etc...but anyway this is not bout me.its about you...i can feel and know firsthand your pain at not being able to be who you are...once you do get to nashville you will find that being in a bigger city like that...people are a bit more open minded...not much so.....interracial relationships no longer get shot at anymore....the outlying areas in tn are close minded...i also agree with one of the ladies above your friends are just close minded...making love with a woman is amazing..the most gentle you will ever find...if your friends that reckless sex is ok but not to love a woman.then boy do they have alot of growing up to do!! you took the time to post under the thread about my daughter and the situation ive been in with her...it was refreshing for me to hear from someone who is closer to her age....so if you need to talk or have more questions about nashville.just pm me..i have family that live there..id be more than happy to help you..talk to you or just listen to you vent...i was in your shoes at one point....until i got sick of it and came out in big way...if was a shock to some at first..then i found out that the majority already knew anyway! so good luck and best wishes to you... _________________ they say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but an entire life to forget them...
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