First, HI! I am fairly new to the forum., I have sort of lurked a little cuz I have a tough time sharing things, but I feel like maybe I could get some useful advice here.
I am having a hard time. I just came out at the beginning of this year and I couldn't be happier about it but before that I was trying extremely hard to be straight and praying (i'm a christian) that the feelings I had would go away and then I met mary. She was so beautiful and I went crazy over her. After meeting her and feeling the way I did about her, I just had to come out. She says she is straight and of course I would never cross that line. But now I was out. I met a girl online a month or so later and we have been talking ever since and we love each other; she is wonderful. I am so blessed to have her in my life however we have never met. We never miss a day talking to each other for hours and we tell each other we love each other etc. Well, recently mary and I have started spending a lot of time together. Long story short we have ended up cuddling a few times, this week three times in a row and number one, I am not sure she is so straight and number two, I am really enjoying it. Both of us are...I even ended up stroking her face last night and she laid her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. She is the one that made all these feelings rise back to the surface and it feels so good but I feel almost like I'm cheating on the girl online. I'm so confused and I don't know what I should do.
Any thoughts would be soooo appreciated! Thank you so much!
Thu Aug 10, 2006 3:26 pm
Salaam86
Joined: 31 Jul 2006
Posts: 49
Location: USA, IL
Well,
Mary was first in ur life wasn't she? I mean...trust me, a real relationship can mean more to u than an online one because Mary is there for you in the real world. Just let things go where they will. Thats my advice. You're not cheating on ur online girl really since...well, does that relationship show a lot of promise for being emotionally fulfilling? You should do what u think is right for you. Thinking about yourself first in this situation, doesn't constitute being selfish as long as you consider how to spare other peoples feelings as well. Sounds to me like you care more about Mary as well. Do what makes u happy, thats my advice, and give it some time.
Thu Aug 10, 2006 7:52 pm
loveyou21
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 4
Location: indianapolis
well i think that mary sounds a little confused but how couldnt she be its a big step for some to admit that there gay it was for me but ive been out for 2 years and have never regreted it but back on the subject ive been through the same thing so id stick withthem both to see how things play out and if your lucky it will turn out how you want it to _________________ hey dont be scared life is too short put on your nike's and just do it
Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:38 pm
LaZCraZDayZ
Joined: 05 Jun 2006
Posts: 267
Location: Right here where I belong
Ok so this is just my 2 cents and I have strong feelings on this topic. I read this earlier and I confess that it has been on my mind off and on throughout the day. I think what bothers me the most is that Sal said that you are not cheating on your online gf due to lack of emotional comfort. What other comfort could there be through talking with someone daily? That is exactly what you get out of an online or long distance relationship is emotional comfort. In my opinion depending on how strong your feelings are for Mary and what you are doing with her you are cheating on your gf. Relationships are more than physical contact.
Again in my opinion one of the biggest parts of a relationship is the emotional aspect. So therefore, once you developed an emotional connection with the girl online and you went as far as to tell her that you loved her, you chose to start that relationship. I understand that physically being with someone is important, but you need to remember that this girl that you are talking to online is human and has feelings for you. Sometimes I think people get caught up in the idea of just talking and being able to more freely express themselves that they forget that there is another human being with feelings and emotions somewhere behind the screen.
Nobody can tell you what to do. I believe that if you follow your heart it will lead you in the right direction. Be careful. I understand how you feel. I have been in your shoes. Peoples opinions vary on what classifies as cheating and I don't believe you will ever get the same response from two people. But being that you called the girl online your gf....if she lived across town would you still let Mary cuddle with you and lay her head on your shoulder?? Just something to think about. I don't think that it matters who came first. The decision is yours to make, but you need to be considerate of the feelings everyone involved in the situation.
Just my 2 cents.
Laz _________________ Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you. William Arthur Ward
Wed Aug 16, 2006 5:54 am
RunningGirl
Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Posts: 37
Location: Texas
All I can say is be very, very careful. If Mary says she is straight, a relationship with her can become very complicated. However, an online relationship can be just as difficult. Not seeing the person can be aggrivating (as I am sure you know).
Just trust your gut. That sounds like stupid advice, but it's saved me loads of times.
Thu Aug 17, 2006 1:36 am
dadayangu
Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Posts: 8
Thank you so much for your replies ladies! I appreciate it so much!
I decided I really needed to figure it out so I am meeting the girl online this week! I'm very excited and a little nervous to see what will happen.
THANKS
Mon Aug 21, 2006 6:37 pm
Raven
Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden
Knowing this situation inside and out from many many angles I find this one highly interesting but seeing as how new steps have been made I wont comment on what was first posted. Daya, if however you met your gf and your still confused for whatever reasons I hope you can still find some comfort, support, and help here at mels. Dont forget us if your brain starts to spin.
Kisses,
raven _________________ Love is my Salvation and Destruction.
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