I suppose I should start by explaining my situation.
I am in my senior year of high school in a er.... a relatively small town (kind of close to Austin). The majority of the people who live around me are very religious, and I hear mixed opinions on gays frequently. Not many kids are out at my school. Especially girls. The gay guys at our school are somewhat accepted, but the girls get a lot of negative responses to their sexuality (the guys do, too, but not as much). I have had friends tell me that they are strongly against lesbians.
This concerns me, because these are people I grew up with and have always been close to. And this is why I am still "in the closet."
I've told my parents, but I half-lied to them and said that I was bisexual and still liked dating men, which is very untrue (I am actually in a relationship with a guy right now, which I am going to cut off as soon as possible for his sake). They were supportive for the most part, but today my mother told me she was convinced it was just me being curious. She believes I have no true feelings for women at all, and that I am just confused. I have never really discussed my attraction to women to her, so I guess I cannot blame her, but it just makes actually telling her the truth a bit harder. My Dad actually has told me he would rather me be a lesbian just because he doesn't think there is a man out there that deserves me (he doesn't like my boyfriend very much, either...lol).
I've been in one relationship secretively (NOT while I was dating my current boyfriend...lol, I am not THAT mean), but that grew very complicated and we broke it off shortly after it started. I have one friend that knows about it, and that is only because she is a lesbian as well. THAT friendship is starting to wear, because she hits on me constantly.
At this point, I really have no clue what to do. Needless to say, I am miserable and have tried very hard to deny myself that I am a lesbian. I've grown up around all of these people and have grown to love them, but they do not know of my sexual preference.
If you have any advice for me, it would be much appreciated. With the way things are, I have pretty much shut myself off of having a healthy relationship anytime soon.
Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:56 pm
sherbet lemons
Joined: 14 Aug 2006
Posts: 20
Location: UK
Welcome
From the age of about 8 I knew I liked girls. I had a relationship with my now partner from the age of 15 but told no-one else. We were known as best friends. I kissed 2 men in my life because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. They meant nothing to me but I know it really hurt my partner knowing I had done that. She thought I was just using her and really wanted to be with men. This was so not true but because we were on our own and had no positive role models we were together, but kind of denied it, even to ourselves. My partner's family are catholic and this did have an impact on her. It was very hard for us growing up as we could not be ourselves. Our relationship was so secretive for years. I hope you feel the strength to be yourself because we feel we have missed out on so much.
I thought the world had moved on and people were more accepting now but maybe it's not true of everywhere. At the end of the day what do you do, pretend to be someone you're not to please others or be yourself and find the right partner and be happy? I know it is difficult but try and find and talk to like minded people who I'm sure will give you support and comfort.
Good luck
Fri Aug 18, 2006 8:55 am
blueeyes1972
Joined: 14 Aug 2006
Posts: 90
Location: USA
RunningGirl, You might start by telling your dad. It sounds as though he will be the most open and accepting. He also might be able to give you advice and support you while you tell other family memebers, ie, your mom. Your dad sounds great, by the way.
Then, definately break if off (with compassion) with your current bo.
As far as your friend that is also a lesbian is concerned, it sounds to me as if you are not interested in her personally as more than a friend. Am I right? If I am, you really need to have a heart to heart with her. Remember to be gentle, but be clear. If I am wrong, and the reason this "wears on you" is because you like her in the same way, releasing your bf will help.
Best of wishes in your endeavors!
Fri Aug 18, 2006 12:28 pm
soulilluminations
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Posts: 25
RunningGirl,
You aren't dumb. Growing up in a small town in the south and being gay is extremely difficult because their are so few resources and so very little support. I encourage you to follow the advice given to you by blueeyes and sherbet lemons. You may also want to check out PFLAG's website. They have some really good information on coming out.
Don't give up.
Best of luck,
Soul
Fri Aug 18, 2006 2:57 pm
RunningGirl
Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Posts: 37
Location: Texas
Thank you all so much for your input; it really means a lot to me, because you all know how tough this can be. I've done a few things to help clear the air a little bit (I broke up with the guy I was dating and told my friend to quit hitting on me because I'm not interested). I still haven't told my parents, but I think I might tell my father first like you suggested. Mom is accepting, too, but she worries too much about how I will be treated at school if I were to even suggest being bi-sexual, let alone a lesbian.
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(he doesn't like my boyfriend very much, either...lol).
