Hi everyone, this is my first time here and also the first time I've told my story to anyone. I am in my early twenties and have known since I was about 8 that i liked girls. It was something that I never acted on until i was 20 when my best friend and i experimented. We ended up having a sexual realationship for the next 3 years although we were never together as girlfriends and both of us dated men during that time. I guess I would have to say i'm bi because i do like men, in fact i like every aspect of them, but i like everything about women too. It's very confusing. Anyway currently i am in love with one of my best friends who is 20 years older than me and she has been in a relationship with a woman for the past 4 years except for a couple of months last year when they broke up. It was during that time that I fell in love with her (although i knew something was special about her from the moment we met) Her and I spent alot of time together while she was apart from her g/f and she confided in me things that has had previously only told her ex, so we had/have a very open realationship and we click very well. Now just prior to their breakup we began a very flirtatious relationship thru text messeging. About a month after their break up her and i were out of town together when she confronted me by saying i was sending her mixed signals and asked if i would be interested in experimenting with her. (Nobody but my friend that I experimented with knows about earlier experience with women, far as anyone knows I'm straight) i panicked and said i didn't know what i would do if she came on to me, but few days later ended up saying i wouldn't mind it at all. The day after we got home from our trip her ex came back to her and they were on and off for a while b4 offically getting back together 8 months ago. Our flirtation has continued all this time with her going as far as telling me she likes me but won't cheat on her current g/f (and i don't want her to, but I do want to be with her. I just wish they would end already!!) We both admit to being interested in eachother. During our last trip out of town I asked her what was going on with her sending me mixed signals and she said she didn't realize she was still doing it and told me if her current weren't in her life she'd be with me. What do you ladies think? Is that a polite blowoff or could she have feelings for me too? And bty since this trip our flirtation has continued, although we did hit a rough time last month where didn't talk as much as usual, but we had a long talk about that and we are now back on track. The funny thing about that is that during that month that we didn't talk much her and her g/f got along better than they have since b4 her and i admitted feelings for eachother. It feels so right when we're together and we can't help but be happy when we see eachother and we always find a way to touch. Just to complicate it more, we live in a homophobic area and she knows I'm not willing to have an open realationship. This is why she stays with her current g/f according to my best friend, the one I had the prior realationship with. She says it is very obvious that we like (possibly even love) eachother but the fact that I won't openly love her is what keeps us apart. You see I can't be open because of my family and hers. My family knows nothing of this and would probably be very pissed if i told them. Her family knows shes gay but my problem is her children. They are are very good friends of mine. They trust me and treat me like family, how could i exlpain that I love thier mom? It seems like such a betrayal. I really don't know where to go from here, but do feel better now that i've shared with others who have in some way probably faced what I am going through. Sorry for being so long winded : )
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