Well, I am 24 with two children and been with my partner for ten years. I am now reliasing that I am attracted to females way more than men. And I dont know what to do about it? I cant leave my partner because he will try to take my kids away from me, and if I tell my parents I know they would never speak to me again. I tried to hide it all my life, hence the kids and my partner, but now I feel as though I might explode. I also worry about my childrens upbringing if I did come out.
Sorry for the rant, but I have no one to talk to, and I really dont know what to do???
Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:25 pm
DamagedGoods
Joined: 13 May 2006
Posts: 550
I am 28 with one child. I've been with men all my life but finally, 8 months ago, I decided I needed to stop living the lie or lose my chance with the one woman I have loved for 3 years. I've never been happier!
It is a very personal decision, and no one here or elsewhere can make it for you. 2 things I do want to mention though. One was the title, how can I be a lesbian. I refuse to categorise my relationship with my girl. I'm not a lesbian, or bisexual or straight... I love my gf, one person... I don't love a gender. I don't wish to wear a label just to satisfy everyone else. I am who I am, take me or leave me! It took the women of Mels, and one awful night of sheer terror, scared I would lose my girl when she had a heart attack, to realise that I didn't need any label. You just need to be true to yourself.
Secondly, about the children. I have told my daughter, in fact, she was the first person I came out to, other than my gf. She loves my gf which helps a lot. Every so often she brings up a discussion on various parts of our relationship that concern her. I answer honestly, and hopefully she will grow up to be a tolerant well - adjusted young lady. Children do not suffer for gay or lesbian relationships, they suffer in bad relationships... no matter whether the parents are gay, lesbian, bi sexual or heterosexual!
I truly wish you good luck, and hope that whatever choice you make is made based on whats right for you.
If you're really sure that this is your decision, I'd get a divorce without telling him why. He doesn't need to know that you're a lesbian. You don't even have a girlfriend yet, right? Establish yourself as a single women with kids, share custody if you're going to do that, and then from that point you can begin dating and see if you find someone that you click with. I understand how you feel because I believed I was bisexual for all of my life until I finally tried to be with a guy, and it was just like "OK I'm sitting here with my buddy" or at other times it was just "Eeewwwww." It didn't work for me, and I couldn't deal with that for a lifetime. I'm glad I figured it out before I went and married one of them, so I really do feel for you! Hang in there, but keep your privacy for now if you're afraid of losing the kids. My best advice is to follow your . It never lies, and it's usually right. _________________
Tue Jun 20, 2006 7:06 am
Vehance
Joined: 12 Jun 2006
Posts: 4
Location: Portugal
Sometimes you have to think a little more for yourself and less for others. If you don’t, it will reflect on your life and especially on your children that you are concerned of. If you’re not happy their not either, and believe me, they do feel when something is wrong.
Let me give you an example, I have a friend whose mother entered in depression when she got married. Then my friend born and she became violent, moody, anti-social… that was two decades ago and she is still like that today. Last year I went to their house to do a group work and found a drawer on the kitchen full of pills and other stuff that she takes everyday. Ended up with a bruise cause that devil thought that I was prettier with a lamp on my head. My friends foolishly blames herself for her mom’s attitude…
And maybe, just maybe, a family suffering would never happened if that women had done a little more for herself long time ago and didn’t do what was socially expected of her…
Even if it means to go against everything you where taught, in the long term, I think is worth it…
Good luck on your decisions. _________________ (\__/)
(o.O )
(> < ) This is PsycoBunny. Her motto: "Everyday is a happy day! One day closer to enjoy retirement!"
Tue Jun 20, 2006 12:48 pm
Dueceswild
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 304
Location: WV
I was in the same boat.....
At the age of 24-25 I relized that I was a lesbain. I was a mother of 2 with an husband. I won't lie it was hard, the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I got honest with myself, then my husband, then we seporated. It is hard being a single mom, but I will tell you now that the courts are on yourside, you are thier mom (unless you've done something in the past to tarnish that, and I trust you haven't) If you are worried about what he might be able to legally speak to a lawyer. And I know that it doesn't always go smoothly (trust me my ex is an ass, but it could be much worse), but know that there are plenty of women who have gone through what you are going through, and everything has worked out.
also your children need to see you happy, and your true self. I know that my kids needed it.
Be strong and be true to yourself, it is the only way you will find peace.
Duece _________________ Never do anything you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics!
Wed Jun 21, 2006 12:54 am
lemonscent
Joined: 03 Feb 2006
Posts: 45
Location: Australia
I heartily endorse GayGoddess post. Do things in the right order. Women are for you? So disengage from your het lifestyle. The 'Women are for you' bit is for your awareness alone for now. If you can support your kids going solo; then you've earnt your stripes as far as I'm concerned and will then be ready to take flight...into a fantasy made real! Good luck. _________________ life shouldn't be such a drama when surrounded by so much comedy
Wed Jun 21, 2006 11:44 am
Lizzy_tish
Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 95
Location: N.California
I agree also with Goddess. I left my husband of 13 years two and a half years ago. There was a lot of drama that was involved that could have been avoided had a put more thought into the way I handled things. I too was very afaid to leave my husband. For one thing I wondered how I would support myself. I had been a stay at home Mom for almost ten years. I also was so polluted by my own childhood growing up in a home where my parents argued daily and never showed affection to one another. Essentially a loveless marriage, my own marriage seemed ok. The one thing I did not feel for my husband was passion. Every time we had sex I needed to completely remove myself, fantasize about women. Eventually after I had my two children and knew I didnt want more children I could not even bring myself to have sex with him.My husband had always been a very social drinker, he started to drink heavily at home. He was feeling rejected by me and I didn't care.He even knew I was gay. He asked me and I couldnt bare to admit it. I just figured I would go through life with out passion, but it ate away at me. It wasnt the kind of person I was. Eventually I met a woman that I had instant chemistry with. She would not even entertain the thought of being with a married woman, and I was not ready to leave my marriage. All that fear keeping me in my cage. We talked every day, but remained just friends. We did not see each other for over eight months. During that time I grew to love her.I finally decided it was time for me to leave. I wanted to experiance that special feeling that I had with her that I had never had with anyone else. I realized it truly was not fair to anyone. My ex husband and I argued every day. His drinking had become out of control and my kids were being exposed to all of this. I did not want them to grow up thinking this was what being married was all about. Its not about a house and a back yard and raising children. Its about love, passion and respect. I loved my husband because he was the father of my children, but I was not in love with him.My partner and I have been together for two years now. I feel passion with her like I never have before. When we make love it's just like I knew it could be, its beautiful, its hot, its everything I have always wanted. Having true love and passion is wonderful.My children are better for it. They see two people that love each other, respect each other. The first year was the hardest when I left. But in that time I moved into my own cute two bedroom apartment, went back to work as a pre-school teacher. My ex husband went crazy when he found out that I had left him for another woman, but what could he do. Nothing, the law protets you. He didnt want to do anything to cause him trouble with keeping joint custody of our children. Trust me I have been at the other end of a couple of drunken phone calls where he just had to tell me what he thought about me, but after the initial shock I think he realized we were better off apart. We share custody of our children. It was very hard for my partner to watch me go through this, and she also took some unnecessary heat. My family blamed her even though they knew I was miserable for a long time. My parents have grown to respect her and have let go of blaming her. There is no blame. My marriage was going to end eventually. When I look back I wish I had left sooner. I am so much happier because I can be who I am. The funny thing is I was so worried what people would think that I let my fear hold me back. Now, I could care less what people think. I am out to all my friends, family, and co-workers. Its a non issue, people treat me that same. I am just happy to be me.So after saying all of that, I guess I would say that the advice I would give is take care of you first. Take some time getting to know what you really want and do what you need to get that. If being with another woman is what you want, then close the chapter on this part of your relationship with your husband. He is the father of your children and you will have to keep some form of a relationship with him. Take some time to orginize your life with your kids and yourself and then everything else will just happen. Love comes when you least expect it.
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