Hey all,
this is my first post here and I'm hoping I can get some feedback... Basically, I am out to my 2 best friends...and that's it, those are the only people I've told.
I'm really just starting to get annoyed that other people who I'm close to still think I'm straight, obviously it's not their fault, but the thought of them thinking I am straight frustrates me immensely.
The problem is I never know when the right time to tell people is, I wish they would just sort of know. I know i'm being a bit of a wimp by not just telling everyone, but it's actually quite hard to say it to some people.
Sometimes I just want to say at the dinner table "Mum, could you pass the salt...to a gay girl?" or "by the way, Mum, I'm a lesbian" but I can't bring myself to tell her.
I know I'm just rambling really but if there's a topic somewhere about this sorta thing it would be cool to be directed to it, If not I would love if you would share your stories/experiences.
thanks,
A x
Mon May 29, 2006 10:22 pm
DamagedGoods
Joined: 13 May 2006
Posts: 550
Hi Amelie
I think I know how you feel. I have told only those that need to know... and waited until I have felt the time is right. I've been lucky because everyone I have told has been amazing, I'm truly lucky to have the friends that I do. I haven't told my family, for a few reasons... 1. I know their reaction will be negative and I'm not ready to deal with that yet.... 2. I hardly speak to them and I have moved far enough away that their existence has minimal impact on my life.
If it's affecting you though, you need to decide if you are ready to tell them. It is a very personal choice, and no one can make it for you. But don't expect to get the easy way out of them 'guessing'. Even if they did, which is fairly unlikely if you aren't being obvious, they would more likely react better to hearing it from you.
All I can say is I live by the mind over matter motto... Those that matter won't mind, and those that mind don't matter.
If you're finding it hard to tell some of your friends, yet still want to, how about dropping hints? Or checking out the odd girl when out with them? They should catch on soon :p
Sat Jun 10, 2006 9:08 pm
goddessofadanac
Joined: 17 May 2006
Posts: 25
Location: Ontario Canada
quote:Originally posted by century:
If you're finding it hard to tell some of your friends, yet still want to, how about dropping hints? Or checking out the odd girl when out with them? They should catch on soon :p
haah i liek that.. i mean.. i sualy drop hints to people i really find it annoyin tobe like ok im gay.. or i just tell someone that i know has a big mouth but that cauises problems too.. its a really difficult situation... i just started a new job and i have to recome out to everyone again.. blah so i can kinda feel ya pain right now.. all i woudl have to say is tell people who your trust test it out on them more people you tell the comphy you will get with it .. ( thats what happen with my ex.. nows shes like involved in alot of gay stuff haha ) _________________ Me
Sun Jun 11, 2006 6:10 pm
lichan
Joined: 09 Feb 2006
Posts: 63
I would agree, drop hints.
Listen to T.A.T.U. (a lesbian band) songs clear and loud in the open.
Or you know wear those rainbow (gay pride) t-shirts.
These hints should make it clear that you arent straight. _________________ "I can't love a person who doesnt love herself."
Sun Jun 11, 2006 6:22 pm
century
Joined: 05 Jun 2006
Posts: 31
Location: UK
He he, yeah. Take up a sudden obsession with rainbows when about them XD
Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:22 pm
Amelie
Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 19
I made a load of rainbow bracelets/necklaces/dogtags type things. i recently educated my Mum about the significance of the rainbow thing-she had no idea.
I've got a load of pictures up of famous lesbians round my room but to be honest I don't think my mum knows who they are.
I'm thinking that maybe I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet...but it's a scary bullet!
Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:35 pm
century
Joined: 05 Jun 2006
Posts: 31
Location: UK
Ah, I see... Well if you explained the rainbow thing to her after having loads of rainbow things, are you sure she hasn't already guessed?
If not, then yes, biting the bullet probably is the best idea if you're sure you want to tell her.
Perhaps other people may catch on with rainbows and pictures though...*muses*
Tue Jun 13, 2006 11:19 pm
Stuckinahs
Joined: 07 Dec 2005
Posts: 39
Location: New York
You know, it was a lot more important to me that people knew I was gay, when I was younger. The older I get, the less important it seems to me to come out unless it is for a special reason. I am who I am, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. Sometimes the right moment presents itself, and that may be your opportunity to self-disclose. For example, at a class reunion, I was sitting with a group of women (I went to an all girls school), and we were all showing photos albums we brought with us. When they came to certain women in my album, they asked, "Who is that?" My answer was, "Oh that's a woman I am involved with right now." Their answer? "Oh." No big deal. Maybe it was no big deal, because I was confident and secure in myself and it didn't really matter what they thought. Ease up on yourself, and maybe it will be easier to come out.
Good luck
Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:15 am
RedViolin1
Joined: 29 Sep 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Michigan
You my dear Ame are "maturing" and you are not alone in your struggles. Know that almost every lesbian has struggles with mom//dad/parents (even those who are supportive) and telling her that you are gay. i know I do and I am much older than you.
You will figure out when to tell people, who to tell, and as you become more relaxed being gay, you will just let things slip out, either purposefully of accidentally. If you ACT like its perfectly normal, then others will view it that way. A sweet innocent :yes I am: (smile) if someone asks you puts the ball back in their court. If they over react it is out of fear, ignorance or self-hatred
Your mom may be denying to herself that you are gay, despite the obvious signs. That is an internal battle she wages with herself. Its not you, its her. So many moms dont like to envision their children as sexual beings (no matter what the age or orientation) Add gay to the mix and most parents struggle deeply with their skewed religious views they hav been taught all their lives.
Being gay has only recently become "acceptable" it was listed as a mental illness up until the 1970's. So if your mom was born before then, she has a totally differnt viewpoint.
BE yourself is such a simple statement, but its hard to achieve for alot of people. Internal acceptance has to preceed external accpetance.
Remember that you may be struggling for years with your identity, those around don't know it, so when you spring it on them, they may need time to accept it. Give them that time, but be true to yourself as well. _________________ i am ceaslessly amazing... at times! fun loving, passionate, perfectly imperfect human being.
Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty. I drink whats left and ask for a refill!
Wed Jun 14, 2006 2:47 pm
P-Chanmisao
Joined: 08 Jun 2006
Posts: 75
Location: Colorado
My mom is oblivious to anything related to homo/bisexuality, so I ended up having to do the random "Hey, I'm bi" thing. I think that it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's worth it. As you said, it's hard trying to be someone you're not. It seems to me that, if she was willing to discuss the meaning behind the rainbows, she either already knows or is open to knowing. The only one who can know when/if/how to tell her is you. _________________ Smile, it'll brighten someone's day!
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