Hi.
Im in my last year of school (college-depending on what country you are in) but basically im 18 and im in a huge dilemma. I dont know if i'm attracted to women or not or both men and women.
I know that many people my age are confused but I am feeling really depressed and have started to hate myself. There is this teacher at school who is quite young but she doesn't actually teach me - though she is a teacher of one of the subjects I do and so I see her often.
I really like her and its driving me crazy. And the worse thing is that I heard from someone that they think that she is a lesbian (the teacher) and then suddenly ive felt that ive been making eye contact with her in the corridor and I feel that ive caught her looking in my direction. The problem is that its likely that its my mind playing tricks on me and its me looking at her, and then just her looking back normally. I find myself thinking about her all the time and in some quite "dodgy" senarios and I cant stop myself. I wish I could. At school, I always make sure I go past her office just so I can see her and doing little random things like that. Ive not spoken to her properly-only once and it was all to do with work stuff and it wasnt one to one. Its the Christmas holidays at school and im even more depressed now because I wont be seeing her for 4 weeks.
I really wish I didnt feel like this-i hate it but at the same time I really like her. Also, its not the first time ive felt like this for a teacher and this other girl. Is it just my hormones playing up, or do you think Im Bi or a lesbian?
You all probably get lots of teenagers on the forum moaning and asking for advice but I really need some help. Id be extrememly grateful for a reply.
Thanks.
Sat Dec 17, 2005 2:49 pm
Greenshadow
Joined: 29 Sep 2005
Posts: 176
Location: Near a tea cup
You're really the only one who can know for certain if you're a lesbian or bi, but there's really no pressure to figure it out right away. Just try to relax and not worry about it too much, and it'll get sorted out in time.
As for woman you like, I'm probably not qualified to be giving advice about this sort of thing, but you can't go wrong talking to her. Try to get to know her, and then you'll have a better idea of weather or not she might be interested in you. _________________ "My food is problematic."
-River Tam
Firefly
Sat Dec 17, 2005 7:23 pm
AnneB
Joined: 31 Oct 2005
Posts: 39
Well, without knowing what country you're in and what the laws are like, you're probably best off not trying to start up anything with her until after you are out of school. Even though she isn't YOUR teacher, there would still be a lot of people upset if they learned a teacher was dating a student (to say nothing of the controversy of a lesbian teacher dating a girl student).
Greenshadow has a good suggestion: get to know her person-to-person first. If she teaches a subject you have, even if she's not your teacher, go to her for advice or tutoring; it may be the best way to talk to her about a common subject without attracting undue attention from your peers or her superiors. Take the time to learn about her, and if, after a few months, you still find yourself attracted (and that she would return the feeling) then ask her out at graduation!
Just realize that if there are already rumors (and grumbling) about her MAYBE being a lesbian, that she may want to keep her sexuality very downplayed. She may believe (and with good reason) that being exposed as a lesbian would put her job in jeopardy, whether she was dating a student or not. So if you think you care about her, consider her circumstances first. You don't want to lose your proximity to her because she got fired for being 'outed.'
Sat Dec 17, 2005 10:56 pm
aib2005
Joined: 16 Dec 2005
Posts: 8
thanks for your help.
Its all so complicated- i would never pluck up the courage to speak to her and eventually "ask her out." that seems so wrong.
i guess my problem is forgetting about her and im just so confused about my "sexuality."
Sun Dec 18, 2005 12:11 pm
Amuse
Joined: 12 Dec 2005
Posts: 48
Location: Netherlands
The best thing you can do about your doubts, is give it time.
It's very confusing finding out your sexuality .. and very frustrating that the 'problem' isn't to be solved in one day .. or two.
I had these problems too not so long ago, but at this point i'm almost certain that i'm a lesbian. What i did to find out took me years, but i'm very insecure about myself.
The signs have been there all my life. I never felt really in comfort with guys, something was missing.. In a straight-relation i couldn't find myself and i kept longing to be loved and feel save .. but couldn't find it in the arms of a man.
The first one i ever kissed was a woman, she was some years older but i felt so attrackted to her. I thought it was wrong and forgot all about.
Untill, a few years later .. i fell in love with a woman.
The relationship was perfect, beyond perfect. I felt home, myself, certain about everything. We broke up several months later, but the longing to women stayed. And now i've got a new love in my life, still need to find out how to make the best of it though. But we're going to get there.
I know now, women get the best out of me .. and it feels right.
I'm not the best example ..
What i want to say to you, is find out your sings.
Walk the street and see where you look at .. do you check out women, do you get shy when they look your way, or compare your former boyfriends (if you had them) You know when it's a sign, when you feel it.
Give yourself every minute you need, and please don't hate yourself .. this is completely normal.. eventhough it doesn't feel like that.
I think i can safely say that most of us been through this.
Take care and good luck.
Amuse. _________________ Not all who wander are lost
Fri Dec 23, 2005 11:06 pm
cassieleah
Joined: 09 Apr 2006
Posts: 17
Location: Florida
that was a very nice post, amuse. well said
Wed Apr 19, 2006 8:12 am
Mac
Joined: 05 Jun 2005
Posts: 224
Location: Australia
*daydreaming* I had a crush on young teacher once....good times...great classic hits.
but....ul be right mate. the world is so rigidly divided into binaries sometimes that its impossible not to be confused. try your best to stress less and be proactive. _________________ Be generous in prosperity and thankful in adversity.
Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:13 am
RedViolin1
Joined: 29 Sep 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Michigan
A couple of tips:
A) dont date a teacher, even if your 18. Someone who is your mentor/in a position of authority over you shouldn't ever make a sexual move on you. If they do, they are abusing their power. It might be fun for a little while, but trust me, it really leaves lasting psychological scars, because almost always you are just one in a line of school girls to them in the end. They can leave you heart broken and feeling used, which is what they are doing if they bed a student. Find a fellow student who is your peer equal and have at it!
B) As for your sexuality, I think that it can be a fluid thing (pardon the pun) Who says you have to be a lesbian? Who says you have to be straight? There are no rule books to your own sexual preference between M and F. Only society thinks they can proscribe them. But in reality, you will love many different people, or maybe only one person will cature your heart. Be true to yourself, make mature choices (the teacher is out!!!! see above), and dont let people intimidate you into being anything other than who you want to be. Life is the journey, not the destination! _________________ i am ceaslessly amazing... at times! fun loving, passionate, perfectly imperfect human being.
Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty. I drink whats left and ask for a refill!
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