I'm sorry if this is a hugely repeated topic but I'm really in a rut here. And i'm new so hello all.
T'is the age old - 'I'm not entirely sure of my sexuality' question.
I've had a (somewhat brief) one time sexual relationship with a woman, find women more attractive and all that jazz. I don't know whether it's because of my own image/ prejudice of lesbianism that's the problem or what that I don't want to be/ involved with women.
Bit of background:
Several years ago I had major bouts of depression fo no apparent reason. With hindsight, I don't know whether it was because of my home environment at the time (I live with my dad who's an alcoholic) or because of personal feelings/ hormones (being around 16/17 at the time.) Now i'm 21 and generally just frustrated beyond belief.
The one encounter I did have with a woman wasn't all that great but having said said that, she had never had anything to do with another woman & it was my first time too (with anyone.)
I suppose what i'm asking is how do you affirm what you think you already know. I do think i'm gay but I am uncomfortable with it. But then again, i'm not entirely certain. Family isn't a problem thankfully, neither or friends, just me.
I just don't know. It's one of those things, I don't (as far as I know) know any gay women so there's no one to talk about it with.
Help.
Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:06 pm
lemons
Joined: 12 Feb 2006
Posts: 964
Location: here ... with her <3
eccles,
First, welcome to mel's I've only been here a short time myself, but love this site! So many wonderful advice, beautiful poetry, a place to vent and some absolutely wonderful ladies here!!!!
I'm 31, but I can relate to how you feel. About ten years ago, I remember thinking that I might be more attracted to women then men. I dismissed it because of my limited encounters with men & knowing I overall just am more comfortable around women. Several years ago, I had a friend who admitted that she was curious ..... so as nervous as we were, we did it. Both of us enjoyed it, but we never did it again. Of course I felt more confused at that time.
Since then, I told a couple of my closest friends that I have had these lesbian thoughts. Not until January of this year did I decide to do something about it & find out for sure. I'd had a couple relationships with guys but it just didn't seem right to me. On a whim, I picked a site & entered a profile. And I've met a wonderful lady! It's been almost two months together & I don't think -- no I KNOW -- I've never been happier!! I finally was able to accept I am a lesbian. It was hard for me as I was kind of on the fence on how I felt about lesbians. Now I realize we are people just like any one else out there in the world. We just like/love someone of the same sex which goes against many things that this world has come to accept.
It's not easy ...... I live in a town that would snub me if they knew. Only my boss knows & that's because her niece is a lesbian also. She doesn't care & I know no one else will know. Only 4 of my closest friends know about my girlfriend. One isn't happy about it but she loves me anyway. My other friends are thrilled for me. My family doesn't know & I don't know if they ever will. Only time will tell ....... this is still all new to me.
I apologize for writing so much ...... I just wanted to share my experience with you a bit. I don't know that it'll help you at all, but just go with your heart ...... your brain will make things difficult - at least it did with me; hence the reason I waited til I was 31 instead of 21 to act on this.
Are there any lesbian clubs in your area? Maybe go to one? I never had the guts to do that myself - espeically alone, but it is an option. Check out this site, go to chat, talk with some of the ladies here ..... many of them can also relate with what you are going through. They (along w/ myself) will support you in whatever you decide. Only you can do that. Do what makes you happy ..... that's what counts in the end.
Best of luck to you eccles ...... I wish you well in your journey.
Mel 05 _________________
"No smile is more beautiful than one that has struggled through the tears"
~Unknown
Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:45 am
cEA
Joined: 10 Mar 2006
Posts: 14
Location: France
hi ! me too i've a problem : i love a woman but i don't want to be lesbian... I don't want to lost my family if they don't accept me ... i'm afraid of their reaction ... I don't accept me !! I know that it's stupid but I'm afraid ... help me please !
cEA
Tue Mar 28, 2006 12:20 pm
lichan
Joined: 09 Feb 2006
Posts: 63
same here same here
quote:Originally posted by cEA:
hi ! me too i've a problem : i love a woman but i don't want to be lesbian... I don't want to lost my family if they don't accept me ... i'm afraid of their reaction ... I don't accept me !! I know that it's stupid but I'm afraid ... help me please !
cEA
I have the same problem as well. I am only 18, and I am in the U.S. military. So I cant openly be a lesbian even if I wanted to. However... I still have a choice, but I cannot accept it as well.
I am still in high school, alot of girls expresses hates for lesbian... so I've always denied it. I cannot accept my self if the society cannot accept me. Perhapes its the society thats causing my immense distress to not be able to express my self freely. How should I say this... I am just stuck! _________________ "I can't love a person who doesnt love herself."
Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:06 pm
mademinx
Joined: 28 Dec 2005
Posts: 63
Is it mind or matter.
Hi Eccles,
Is sexual attraction something that happens in the mind or in the body?
I have grown up to understand that the brain is the most important sex organ. In extension from that postion it is clear to me that sexual attraction is in the brain. Now ultimately everything that happens in the brain happens from some kind of stimulus and response. A person addicted to cigerettes is not an addict by genetic programming but rather a trained response inside the brain.
The sex side of my brain is fairly easy to understand. Once I open a door in my thinking I can't close it. Or it is a little like courting and stepping past those boundaries you set yourself. It is hard if not impossible to retreat behind the line.
So the point of all this rambling is that you have made a choice. You have opened a door in your thinking and you probably won't be able to close it. So go and explore the new world behind the lesbian door!
Minxy. _________________ If I put up no pretense and your affection stays true. You have set me free and I am yours.
Thu Apr 06, 2006 2:28 pm
Pantone Tria
Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 20
Location: My own reverie on the coast of Baltic sea
As i, myself still in the path of finding out whether i'm a lesbian or bisexual...
so, i don't have any personal experience to share with you...yet.
However, i have a coursin who is a lesbian and been together with her girlfriend for 3 years. One day she asked me ... in the future, if we have a chance to visit our relative in asia, should she tell them about her being lesbian?
I told her that it depends on her. But "i don't see the reason why she have to tell them IF that person won't be happy with WHO SHE IS."
I mean, just think about people you love, people you close is enough....It's impossible to be understand by everybody whether you're lesbian or straight, anyway.
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