need some advice/help about being a lesbian, or not...
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brightness
Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 1
need some advice/help about being a lesbian, or not...
Ok...I am a 19 year old female, who for the first say, 15 years of my life never thought that I was anything but straight. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and I love him dearly- he turns me on and we do have sex, which I enjoy.
HOWEVER, I often have thoughts about women sexually. I used to occassionally thing about it, but lately the thoughts occur more often. I fantasize about women and I am more turned on by naked pictures of women. The idea of having sex with a woman makes me wildly horny, but I love my boyfriend! We have a decent sex life- its not on fire, but its gotten better.
Do you think I am just curious about women? I have always imagined myself married to a man, having children, all of that- so its not a situation where I've felt this way all my life. I'm just recently feeling like its something I should pay attention to.
Thoughts? Opinions?
Thank You!
Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:01 am
Dueceswild
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 304
Location: WV
Well join the club... I think that is how most of us started out.... For some of us we thought we were straight because that was how we were raised... I'll simply say this.... Once I tried being with a woman.. there was never another doubt in my mind as to what I prefer.... Hell its not even an option to be with a man any longer.. I will NEVER do that again LOL. _________________ Never do anything you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics!
Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:50 am
Trialia
Joined: 28 Dec 2005
Posts: 28
Location: Staffordshire, England
Re: need some advice/help about being a lesbian, or not...
Hmm. I started out that way, too. I've had crushes on women since the age of around nine, but I always thought I was straight, until about the age of 15, which was when I realised I was at least bisexual if not more than. At which point I hadn't even been kissed-- by either gender.
I'll be honest, I'm still not sure, and I'm nearly 20. It may take a while for you to figure out exactly what you want, but you don't necessarily need to end your current relationship to do it, and I'd suggest you talk to your boyfriend about how you feel- maybe so that he doesn't start to worry about you. Some guys even find it a turn-on, though my boyfriend doesn't (I've been with him three years), although he's accepting of how I feel.
Just let time show you what you want to do-- that's all the advice I can give you, I'm afraid. Good luck. _________________ She's out in the rain again, and the sun shines through the clouds to kiss her skin.
A droplet of the water rolls down her throat, and you swallow, hard, as you watch her.
Wed Jan 18, 2006 5:35 pm
LoriSue
Joined: 25 Jul 2005
Posts: 118
Location: Canada
Hi Brightness,
Is it important that you label what you are feeling at this point? I know it is important to us to be able to feel that we know exactly who we are, however, sometimes I wonder if it is okay just to feel our feelings and go with what feels right. I think a lot of our problems happen when we feel that we have to 'fit' somewhere and ignore feelings that may not fit into that box where we feel we should be.
You have time to be able to see where your feelings take you. Straight, lesbian, bi..........as long as we remain open to the possibilities I believe we find where we belong. Just don't close yourself up to any possibility.
I came out in my thirties and, although I had suspected it before then, I let myself feel the feelings without any type of confirmation of my identity until I knew for sure where I did fit. That was okay for me...maybe it is different for you. I just wanted to give you another perspective.
Re: need some advice/help about being a lesbian, or not...
quote:Originally posted by brightness:
Ok...I am a 19 year old female, who for the first say, 15 years of my life never thought that I was anything but straight. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and I love him dearly- he turns me on and we do have sex, which I enjoy.
HOWEVER, I often have thoughts about women sexually. I used to occassionally thing about it, but lately the thoughts occur more often. I fantasize about women and I am more turned on by naked pictures of women. The idea of having sex with a woman makes me wildly horny, but I love my boyfriend! We have a decent sex life- its not on fire, but its gotten better.
Do you think I am just curious about women? I have always imagined myself married to a man, having children, all of that- so its not a situation where I've felt this way all my life. I'm just recently feeling like its something I should pay attention to.
Thoughts? Opinions?
Thank You!
Hello Brightness,
You walk through the mall or you’re at a store perhaps driving down the street. You are at work or school you find yourself looking. You wonder why you are looking…some people will try to say “it is just a woman’s vanity and they compare themselves to other women”…yeah right whatever. You keep looking though…then you start thinking…wondering what it would be like to kiss her…as you watch her walk by…you wonder if she is gay and if she would want to be with you. At night you lay in bed and run your hands over your body thinking about a woman touching you and you touching her. You feel the desire…the want…the need to be with a woman.
Yes you may just be curious and there is nothing wrong with that but if you have had these feelings for a long time then it may be more than just curiosity. You obviously have sexual feelings for men (yuck) and that is ok so you are NOT lesbian at the moment for sure…but that could change. As the picture currently sits I would say you are bi-sexual even though you have not been with a woman yet and as long as you have these desires and feelings to be with a woman I could never say you are straight.
Most of us never really gave it much thought when we were children so there are very few if any who can literally say they felt this way all of their life…can you (or anyone reading this) honestly say how they felt when they were 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 year old? I doubt it very much but there are some (very few) people who can. For most the feelings start somewhere between 10 and 15 years old…12 is the most common age. Some don’t even think about it or realize what is happening at first…until years later when they look back and it hits them…”I liked women then too.”
Put an end to your curiosity…and you will know and that is the only way you will ever truly honestly know with no doubts left behind.
The next question that usually follows “am I a lesbian” is “how do I meet someone.”
You probably already know someone…probably a friend and you probably have a friend who knows you have these feelings and if you don’t then tell your most trusted female friend who will not jump out of her skin and run when you tell her and between the two of you I am sure you will find someone or let them find you. If that does not work there is always the nightclub but you will have to wait a couple of years before they let you in.
Hugs,
Eiregirl
Last edited by Eiregirl on Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:23 am; edited 1 time in total
Wed Jan 18, 2006 8:49 pm
mademinx
Joined: 28 Dec 2005
Posts: 63
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Hi Brightness.
The dream of being with a man and having a family is just as valuable as the dream of being with a woman. In todays world you don't have to give up one to have the other. In my mind it is not unatural to be sexually attracted to women but be emotionally loved and supported by a hetero family. Choose both.
If you are choosing not to connect or your boyfriend is choosing not to connect with you and grow then you might consider a whole new person to connect to. At the moment I say explore your life with him. You have something good by the sounds of it. BUT at the same time get off on women! It is a beautiful thing.
That is my thoughts anyway.
Minxy. _________________ If I put up no pretense and your affection stays true. You have set me free and I am yours.
Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:55 am
Guest
So you feel attracted to women, big deal! oh no, what am I going to do! So confusing!
You are feeling the pressure of society, and stigma, it doesn't really matter don't be surprised by the way you react to anything.
Best thing is to go with an attractive experienced bisexual who doesn't have any hangups or confusions.
Attraction to either sex usually goes in phases, they can last for weeks or months and you can go through periods of being completely straight completely disinterested in the opposite sex. Apparently. I think I am mostly straight, and completely bisexual in my fantasies. I could never have gay sex now though, even with the lights off, without seeing it and just feeling it, it would still be too much to get my head around. it isn't when you're young.
enjoy your fantasies to the maximum don't hold back .
If you do have some first experiences, don't provide oral first time straight away, and perhaps do it in the dark. use your fingers and taste first times. It will be easier and you'll have more time to adapt.
Thu Feb 02, 2006 12:18 am
lemonscent
Joined: 03 Feb 2006
Posts: 45
Location: Australia
You are so young Brightness and as your life stretches out before you, there will be many choices to be made and fruits to taste along the way. I didn't come out until my 30's and up till then I secretly identified to myself as bi, while upholding the values of my het marriage. I was afraid to step off the well trodden path that my upbringing had steered me down, petrified to be an outcast from my safe little world. But remaining 'safe' is not living and in throwing caution to the wind I have now found ultimate bliss each and every single day I wake up to find her soft form nestled against mine. Whether ultimate bliss for you will be found in the arms of a woman; only you can answer through your own discoveries. But life is so very short and you owe it to yourself to find out.
Needless to say I no longer identify as being bi; but it helped me to make the transition to accepting I am a lesbian...and damned proud of it! Good luck to you. _________________ life shouldn't be such a drama when surrounded by so much comedy
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