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Dilemma... any thoughts?

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Shamrock



Joined: 16 May 2005
Posts: 31
Dilemma... any thoughts?

Hey Ladies,

Thought you all might have some thoughts and/or advice about the sitution I currently find myself in. Some of you may have read my story over in the Lesbian Love story forum, so you'll know that I've only recently realized I'm attracted to women. Like I said in my last post of the story I'm fairly certain that I am gay, not bisexual or any other such variation...problem is I'm not out to anyone but myself. Back in May I moved cross country to live in Edmonton, Alberta. When I left I thought I could be staying here for upwards of a year, but after being here 3 months I decided to go back to Newfoundland to finish my degree. I've only have 7 courses left to complete, so it seems like a waste to put it off any longer than necessary. Anyway, a major part of the reason I left Newfoundland was to come to grips with my sexuality. My province has an extremely small population that is spread over a large geographic area, so the culture tends to be quite conservative. The same can be said of my friends and family. Perhaps I'm not giving them enough credit, but the idea of even suggesting to them I might be gay seems impossible.

About a month after I moved to Edmonton I told my best friend Kayla that I was gay. She had moved up here a few months before me and the night I told her she seemed to be accepting of it. But low and behold the next night she was trying to set me up with her boyfriend's brother. Needless to say that didn't go too well. The four of us hung out for a couple weekends, but things happened and that stopped. For the next couple of weeks after that Kayla and I were at each other throats. It ended up with her saying she didn't believe me when I told her I was gay. Of course, I had already gussed this, but hearing her say it out right offened me more than I had expected. I asked her why she'd think that and her response was that she had me checking out guys at a bar. Since that exchange we've pretty much avioded the topic altogether.

I tell you all that just to give you an idea of what I might face back in Newfoundland. The group of friends I have back there I have known my whole life, which makes it that much harder. Not to metion that I'm from a community of only about 300 people. I've had discussions with my grandmother about people who are gay and she has said that she believes they are sick. My relationship with my mother is shaky even without this and the fact is, I have no idea how she will react. Not to metion the fact that her boyfriend is homophobic. His son is gay, but because of fear of rejection has gone into denial and thrown himself into religion. I also have a twin sister and older brother. I think that in the long run they'll both accept me, but at the same time my sister has appered to be quite homophobic as well. At least with them I know they love me enough to get over it. I'm actually looking forward to dragging my sister out to a gay bar. One of the biggest reasons I think she's against it is she's never seen how natural it is for some people. I don't know, the thought of going home is pretty unsettling right now.

Thanks girls,
Shamrock

Post Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:30 pm 
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SWAY



Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY


Shamrock,

Having just recently told my parents that I am gay, I thought I should reply to this and tell what happened in my situation.

I got to the breaking point. I couldnt tell them that I had a girlfriend. So I sat down and wrote them a letter. I told them it was nothing they did wrong as parents, but that I have always been attracted to woman.

And you know what? They told me they already knew. And here I thought they would shun me and disown me. They said they would never judge me and that they love me and just wanted me to be happy.

Now I'm not saying that every situation turns out that way, but mine had a happy ending. I hope yours does too, but your family, as much as it would hurt if they decided to shun you, should love you for who you are, not who you are attracted to. And always know that here at mel's you have a bunch of ladies who know what you are going thru and are here to support you. Good luck in your quest, and know that you are in my thoughts.

Hugs,
SWAY
_________________
Giving myself to others has made me jaded...

Post Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:59 pm 
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michele



Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 49
Location: missouri
Dilemma?

I really never even questioned how or when i was going to tell everyone i love that i was in love with another woman. I just knew i wanted everyone to see how happy i was and who was the cause of my happiness. I had never even considered being in a lesbian relationship before i met Darcie. But then i found myself wanting to be around her all the time and even crying when i was away from her. Im glad i told everyone. It just makes it easier to live life when they know. Even if they dont approve, at least you dont have to hide who you really are. My sister had a really hard time with it. Our relationship was very strained, But now after 2 yrs i think she knows my lifestyle is not a game and that i am truly in love with my girlfreind. Not all families or friends will react the same. I really have been lucky in that aspect.My mom died on christmas day of 2005 knowing who Darcie is to me and i'm so glad that she met and knew the love of my life before she left this earth. I have no regrets telling my family. I wish more people would see it's not just about SEX. It is 99% love. Good luck. Remember, you only have one life to live. Be true to yourself and everything else will eventually fall into place. You cant live your life and make everyone else around you happy. There will ALWAYS be someone ready to knock you down. DONT LET THEM!!!!!!! Exclamation

Post Tue Apr 17, 2007 3:11 am 
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