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Heartfelt [F-inished]
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


17.
There are skills that you can learn to master while having to spend time in a hospital: waiting and being patient. So here I was in training in this little room. I could see myself as the main character in an old Kung-Fu movie, getting educated by and ancient Chinese man, instructing me, “have more patience, little grasshopper.”
I remember my feeble attempts in a relaxation course I followed some years ago. I never got the hang of it. How the others could ‘empty their minds’ was beyond me. When you have someone instructing you to focus on your breathing it only makes you more aware of how much effort you have to put in to keep breathing while focusing on it. I always discovered that I started thinking about the strangest things making me giggle, ending up interrupting everyone’s excellent state of relaxation. After a few weeks I was politely asked not to bother continuing with the course. I didn’t mind.
I had to stop with the very interesting study of the ceiling when they came to collect me for my internal echocardiography. I was not sure what to expect. I didn’t bother to ask the nurses who were rolling my bed down the corridor. It crossed my mind that my almost lethargic state must be similar to that of a lam being led to the slaughter. I couldn’t care anymore. I was fed up with not knowing and I wanted it all to be over so I would feel better and could go home. I needed to get things sorted and above all I craved for some alone time with my Lynn. Thinking of her was becoming my new favorite thing to do.

They rolled me in the examination room. It was very small with barely room for my bed and a machine that resembled an over sized computer posted on an undersized table. There was a woman sitting on a small chair with her back towards the door facing her computer screen. When she heard that I was being rolled inside the little room, she turned towards me. Two friendly eyes smiled at me before she asked, “miss Lambert?” I nodded. She continued, “good morning. I am Dr. Lindon. I'll be performing this examination. Do you think you can manage to roll on your left side facing me?” I managed to do as she asked with a little help from a nurse standing on my right. After helping me, the nurse started adjusting something on my catheter.
Dr. Lindon looked at me and gave me a sad smile. “I don’t know if you ever had an internal echocardiography?”
I managed to mumble a soft “no”.
She heard it and nodded. “Okay then, let me take a moment to explain. With an echocardiography we use sound waves to generate images of the heart. When you were submitted into our hospital we made one externally but today we are going to have to do an internal because we need another angle. This is not pleasant. We need to insert a tube in your esophagus. You will have a nozzle in your mouth where we can slide this thin flexible tube through.” She showed it to me and pointed at the tip where I reckon the camera must be. “It will not be very pleasant but try not to bite the nozzle.”
I nodded giving a brave smile. “I will try.”
Dr. Lindon motioned to the nurse on my right. “She gave you some light sedation but we have more ready if you need it.
I turned back to Dr. Lindon. “I would like to try without more.” She nodded. “That is no problem. We will have it ready just in case. Are you ready to begin?” I nodded. Dr. Lindon sprayed my throat with a local anesthetic spray and placed the nozzle between my teeth. When she was happy with its position, she picked up the thin tube. She looked at me before continuing, “when I enter your mouth try to take a deep breath and relax that will make it easier for me to push it through and should be more comfortable for you.”
When I felt it going down my throat I started tearing up and I couldn’t restrain the gag reflex. I felt it gliding and I kept gagging. Dr. Lindon gave me some time to recover before she turned to her apparatus indicating that she would start. I had needed that little time to get my breathing under control but when Dr. Lindon started moving the tube again the gag reflex returned with a vengeance. My body started shaking, bringing more tears to my eyes. She paused, looking at me. “I know it is unpleasant. But I need you to lay as still as possible.” I looked at her through my tears. I was fighting to keep my body under control but as soon as she restarted and I felt the tube moving again I was unable to stop shaking and gagging. Dr. Lindon looked up at the nurse on my right. “This is no use. Give her some more.” The nurse did something with my catheter. I didn’t care anymore. I was exhausted. I was fed up. I wanted this examination to end. Dr. Lindon waited until the nurse finished and then looked at me. “Try to keep still. I will try to work as fast as I can.”
I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else then breathing. I closed my eyes focusing on calming down and counting my breaths. I felt someone squeezing my right hand but I couldn’t care enough to open my eyes. And then Dr. Lindon moved the tube again.
‘Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out .. o god, this is torture!’
I am not sure how long it took but it finally stopped.
I felt drained when Dr. Lindon finished. She asked me to breath out while she pulled the tube out. I only felt relief that it was done. I kept my eyes closed feeling extremely tired. I only wanted to sleep. I don’t know how I made it back to my room. I think I fell asleep as soon as the tube was out of my throat.

I am not sure how long I was asleep but I heard someone talking to me and shaking me by the shoulder. “Miss Lambert, I am going to prepare you for your angiography.” When I opened my eyes I noticed I was back in my room. A nurse stood next to me and she was busy getting things ready.
I asked. “Is it morning already?”
She stopped to look at me. I saw some concern in her eyes. “Miss, we let you sleep when you came back. Are you alright? How are you feeling?”
I closed my eyes for a second remembering the torture I had gone through. “I don’t know if you ever had that done to you but trust me when I say that you do not want to volunteer for it.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I‘ve heard that it is not the most pleasant thing. But it is behind you now. Let's get you ready for your next one.”
I sighed. “Did I hear you say that you need to prepare me?”
She nodded and showed me the items in her hand. “I need to shave your groin area. It needs to be clean for the procedure.”
I felt my mouth drop slightly. “My groin area?”
She looked at me. “Well, a thin hollow tube will be placed through your artery in your right groin. From there they will carefully move it up to your heart. But the doctor will explain all this before he starts. I need to shave that area, preventing infections.”
I sighed. “Will this day never end?”
She looked at me and took my hand squeezing it. “I know that you aren’t having the best day so far and I am sorry. I need to do this and afterwards I will take you down to get it over with. When you return I will make sure you get something to eat if you feel up to it.”
I sighed and nodded. She started shaving. I felt embarrassed. She must have known because she made every effort to distract me by talking to me about all that was going on in the world. She even told me a joke that wasn’t that good but it made me smile regardless.
It didn’t take her too long before she was ready with preparing me. She rolled my bed out of the room. It amazes me how good these people are with running around pushing beds. I told her. She laughed assuring me that she had bumped plenty of walls in her training days.
She was telling me about some failed patient-transfers and it was a fun trip through the hospital with people looking at us. It must have looked out of place to see us giggling.
I knew we had reached our goal when she handed my file to another nurse who sat behind a desk. She turned back to me and squeezed my hand. “They will call our ward when it is over and I will come down to collect you. When you feel up to it I will see if I can get you something to eat.”
I nodded. “Thanks, I would love some pizza with lots of cheese.”
She smiled. “Keep that thought when I give you some sandwiches.” I laughed when she turned around giving me an apologizing shrug and started to leave.
And the waiting game started all over again. I think I excelled in it by now. Seeing there was nothing better to do, I closed my eyes and dozed off thinking about pizza sandwiches.

I was startled when I felt the bed move. They rolled me in a large room filled with equipment that was covered in plastic. I saw a lot of people walking around. I counted more than five people wearing operation outfits. They lifted me on a very small, long table surrounded by screens, machines in plastic and masked people. A man, I assumed it was the doctor performing the procedure, walked up to me. He looked like a surgeon in his green gown, mask and hat. He looked down at me. “Miss Lambert, I am doctor Pearson. I will perform this procedure. While my team is getting you ready I will explain what will happen.”
I saw his deep brown eyes locking with mine.
“We will insert a catheter in your groin. You will be able to follow its journey towards your heart on this screen.” He motioned to the screen that was closest to me. I nodded looking back in those piercing brown eyes. His team was working around me and I felt like I was the queen bee in their hive. I knew that they were preparing me but I didn’t bother looking around. Was it the effects of my little nap but I needed to focus very hard to understand what the doctor was telling me. Doctor Pearson continued his explanation. “We will follow your bloodstream towards your heart. Once there I will use some contrast dye to paint a clear picture together with some X-rays. Are you allergic to contrast material, seafood or anything else?” I shook my head.
He nodded. “Well the test may take some time but I will try to work as fast as I can. Afterwards you will have to stay here for a bit and you will need to remain flat on your back for a couple of hours to avoid bleeding.”
He turned to his team. “Are we ready?”
I didn’t bother to listen to their replies. I looked at the ceiling again desperately wanting to close my eyes and sleep. Above my head I saw a huge operating light. The light was focused on my stomach and groin. I saw four screens in a row on my left that showed a lot of numbers and lists but I couldn’t work out what it all meant and frankly I didn’t really care. There were two other machines close to my chest. Beyond that I only saw plastic.
Dr. Pearson returned to my side, “can you lift your arms and rest them above your head?” I did as he asked.
I felt some pressure on my right groin and Dr. Pearson warned me, “a little sting, miss Lambert.”
After a couple seconds I heard Dr. Pearson announce that he had inserted the catheter. I saw some movement on the screen closest to me. In the midst of a lot of grey I saw a black little line moving. I knew I was looking at the catheter inside of me. It was bouncing as if it had its own heartbeat but I knew that meant that it was in my bloodstream dancing on my own heart rhythm. The thin line inside my bloodstream grew on the screen as the doctor was moving it inwards. After a couple of minutes I heard the doctor announce to his team to get ready because he was reaching my heart. Without taking his eyes of the screens he addressed me. “How are you feeling, miss Lambert?” I answered. “Fine”, feeling very silly to talk to him while he was working on me. He went on to announce to his team. “Get ready for contrast and picture. Now.” I felt a flushing sensation and I saw a dark cloud on the screen. It was not that bad compared to the contrast inside the CT-scan earlier this morning. He repeated it a couple of times but I wasn’t paying that much attention. I felt discomfort with my arms behind my head. The machines were moving around my upper body. I understood that they were needed to take the X-rays.
I heard Dr. Pearson‘s voice announcing. “Going to enter the heart. Now.” And I felt it! It made me gasp. I saw my heart rate shoot up on the third screen. Dr. Pearson asked me. “How are you doing, miss Lambert?” I felt my tears rolling down. I was annoyed with myself but I couldn’t hold them back. “Okay,” was all I could bring myself to say. I struggled to keep my breathing under control. I was so tired and I was fed up with being probed. I wanted to sleep.
I heard Dr. Pearson warn his team that he was entering the mitral valve. I didn’t care anymore. When I heard him say “now” I saw my heart rate shooting up from 70 beats per minute to 186 in one beat. The pressure on my chest prevented me from taking a breath. I tried, I gasped, I threw my head back in an effort to get some air in my lungs. I was staring directly in the operating light and it seemed that the intense light was capturing me. I heard the nurse behind me say something or was she asking me a question. I don’t know. I struggled for air staring at the light. I heard someone yell but it could have been me. And all I saw was that light. That bright light. It was blinding me. I stared into it and then it changed.


Last edited by Laurian on Wed Jul 27, 2011 6:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

Post Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:34 pm 
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


Thanks PurpleUK Smile

Post Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:37 pm 
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PipSqueak



Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England


Thanks for the update, I think!!! Sounds like a really horrible day.

Post Tue Jul 14, 2009 6:14 pm 
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


I never realised that writing in another language could be such a struggle. *sigh*

So I thank you all for sticking with this story and your kindness Smile

Post Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:13 pm 
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


18.
The light grew in intensity, engulfing me. With my eyes closed I realized that I could feel no more pain, no discomfort what so ever. I felt relieved. All though I knew it also meant that something wasn’t right. The fact that I couldn’t hear any sound, no machines, no noise from all those people around me, made me open my eyes. The room was gone. All those machines wrapped in plastic were gone as well. I saw nobody around me. There was only dark beyond my light circle. I lowered my arms and my hands came in contact with a hard surface. I was still on my back but not on the operating table. When I moved my head to look I managed to recognize the wooden kitchen table from our play. It used to belong to Mark’s grandmother. When she died we rescued it before it would be trashed, seeing its potential as part of our decor.
When I turned my head I recognized more props. I saw our ugly orange sofas, the low wooden coffee-table, the old-fashioned matching reading lamps and that worn-out green rug. I started to get uncomfortable so I tried to sit up. I managed to move without difficulty or pain. In fact I felt like my old self again. I looked down and was surprised to see that I was no longer wearing my operation gown. It was replaced by my costume for the play. There was no sign of bruises or bandages. I rubbed my forehead where I knew I should feel stitches but they weren’t there. I let my hand linger on my head as if to make sure nothing would change. I jumped off the table with ease. My feet hit a wooden floor and the sound echoed through the dark beyond the light circle.
I tried to focus my eyes, forcing them to pierce the dark but I failed. I turned around realizing that I was standing on a huge stage and from the looks of it our play could start any minute now. When I took some steps to get offstage, I noticed that the spotlight I was standing in, followed my every move. It froze me in my tracks, halting the spotlight as well. I turned around facing the light, squinting my eyes.
“Who is moving that light?”
There came no reply. I held out my hands, trying to block the light and focused. I could have sworn that I detected a movement behind the huge spotlight.
“I saw you! Who are you? Where am I?”
But all I heard was the sound of my own voice being echoed in the dark. I waited for a response, wondering why he didn’t reply when I became aware of the strange atmosphere. I started realizing that the person working the spotlight wasn’t the only one looking at me. I took a few moments focusing on my surroundings. And then I heard a little cough and a rustle here and there. This was something I recognized. The sound of an audience trying not to disturb the action on stage. Taking a few steps in the direction where I knew our audience would be sitting, the spotlight following my every move, I managed to reach the edge of the stage. I looked down at the first row. I saw people who were staring back at me. Shielding my eyes I could see the outline of others sitting behind them.
‘Right Nikki, it is official. You've gone crazy. This must be the strangest dream you ever had! Thank goodness that you are not naked in front of all these people.’
I had to smile when this thought entered my mind. If this was a dream then let's see where it will lead me.
I looked at my audience. “Ladies and gentlemen, would someone be so kind as to explain to me why you are here?”
Nobody replied but I saw some people on the first row looking puzzled. I forced myself to produce a disarming smile and I took my time scanning the audience before I added, “ah, but you have to realize that I have no clue about this play. I think that it can only continue with the interaction of you, my audience.”
No reply, only a light cough. I sighed. “Well, then I think there is no point in standing here without a reply. Time to get out of this place.”
Before I could turn around to walk off the stage a voice startled me. “They cannot respond, Nikki. They do not know.”
I turned my head to the sound of the voice and I saw a telling soft red glow offstage. The presence of my sunset lady felt like a relief. Finally I would get some answers. I started walking in her direction but she held out both her hands, pleading me to stop. I did as she asked. She saw my puzzled look and she started talking fast, taking a glimpse at my audience.
“My sweet Nikki, I was hoping it would not come to this but alas.” She sighed and I could see a worried look on her face. “Before I continue with explaining let me warn you first. Whatever happens do not leave the stage.” She stopped talking, watching me with pleading eyes. I nodded but that was not good enough for her. “Say it!” She kept looking at me, waiting.
“I won’t leave the stage. I promise.”
She spoke softly as if she was talking to herself. “I do hope that you will be able to keep that promise." She didn’t say anything else. It seemed as if she was concentrating and I waited as not to disturb her. After some time I noticed her body starting to tremble. Her head went limb but she managed to keep standing. I wanted to run to her but I didn’t dare to leave the stage. I had to keep my promise. It lasted for a minute before the trembling started to subside. She looked at me. “It is time.“ She took a step towards me. When her foot touched the stage in plain view of the audience I could feel a current going through my body. It was freezing me. My body started shaking vigorously and I held out my hands in search for some support that would prevent me from falling down. She hurried to my side giving me the support I needed. When I felt her touch my body went limb. She almost carried me to the ugly sofas with ease as if she wasn’t encumbered by my weight. “Let us sit down for a moment, honey.”
I nodded not having the strength to talk. She helped me down and joined me on the sofa. She sat close, hugging me and holding my hand.
I looked at her. “What happened just now?”
Her hand felt warm and ever so soft. My hand in hers started to tingle. It felt like the soft tingle when your slightly cold hands start to get warm again. The prickling sensation moved from my hand to the rest of my body and I felt the weakness starting to leave me. I could move again. She gave my hand the lightest squeeze when she released me from her arms. She didn’t wait for me to look at her. She started talking.
“You were dying when you arrived here.”
That took me by surprise making me raise my head to meet her eyes. The sadness in them told me she was telling the truth.
I couldn’t believe it. How can I be dying when I feel so alive?
She shook her head as if she had read my mind. “You are not dying at this very moment. In the real world they are using a machine to keep your heart and lungs going. That shiver you felt when I entered your play is your heart having trouble. Your body is now in need of life support. My touch is that energy you need. That is why I am holding your hand. Letting go would disrupt the fragile balance. Whatever happens here will have an effect on your body. This play is the manifestation of your will power trying to keep fighting. That is why it chose to be a play, something familiar to you. If you leave this stage, that would be the end of your play and your exit. But it would not only be your exit here. It would have a similar effect on your body over there.”
I started shaking my head in disbelief. “Are you trying to tell me that I am not dreaming and that I can die if I make a mistake in this, whatever this is? That is just insane!”
My sunset lady nodded her head. “I know it is a lot to handle but trust me. I can show you.”
I was perplexed, “What do you mean?”
She spoke with a sad smile. “It is possible to get a glimpse of reality, Nikki. However I must caution you. It is not easy to see things happening without being able to intervene.” She motioned towards our huge white screen in the back of the stage. We use it to project bits of movie to interact with in the play. In the middle of the screen I saw a rapidly growing speck. It resembled a growing body of water that was flowing outwards threatening to overflow the edges of the screen. When the whole screen was filled with the liquid the sunset lady addressed it. “Show us!”
Her words resembled a rock being throw in the water. The rippling effect made it come alive. But instead of calming down, the ripples accelerated and it became hard to look at, making me dizzy. I noticed the colors starting to change and an image came to live in the chaos that had been water. Slowly the blurred image sharpened as if someone was adjusting the lens.
I shrieked when I recognized the image. “That is my face. Why is there a tube in my mouth?”
I wanted to run to my image to get a closer look but the firm grip on my hand held me back. “Wait, Nikki, don not let go!”
I sat back trying to calm down but it's not easy when you have to look at yourself on a screen that came to life in a manner that I couldn’t explain. The camera was hovering above my resting form. It zoomed out as if it was traveling towards the ceiling. “Why do I look so pale? What is wrong with me?” The image filled up with other people standing around me.
“O my god! What are they doing to me?” I turned to face the sunset lady, tearing my eyes away from the screen. She kept watching but answered softly. “I told you, Nikki. Your heart stopped.”
Her words drained all my energy. “How can this happen to me? I am only 32. This is so unfair.”
The image of my body, surrounded with doctors, nurses and machines shattered my hopes that this was all a bad dream. I kept staring at my pale face. I almost didn’t notice how the staff around my body stopped what they were doing. They all turned towards the same computer screen. At that moment I noticed that cold current entering me again. I panicked. “What is happening? Help me.”
My sunset lady looked at me but said nothing. She raised my hand towards her lips and kissed my fingers. I turned back to watch the screen. I saw a doctor leaning over me blocking my view. The painful current through my body intensified. It was freezing me again. I noticed my skin was turning blue. At that moment I knew something was going terribly wrong in my reality. With every strength I had in me I battled the current. I fought against the freezing numbness and refused to let it overtake me. I started to tremble in anger. My rage swept through my body. I screamed. “No! Not now! Not like this! I want to live. I want to grow old with Lynn.”
I don’t know why but as soon as I started screaming I felt the current weakening.. On the screen I could see how the doctor turned his head towards the computer again. The others were still staring at it. I don’t know what he saw but it made him back away from my body. He looked exhausted but relieved. He seemed to say something to me and everyone around him looked at him before turning back to their work. The image started to get blurred again.
I felt relieved when I saw my skin returning to its normal color and the cold current had left me.
“Well done, Nikki.”
I turned my head to look at her. “Why didn’t you help me?”
She turned her eyes away from my gaze. “I am not allowed to intervene like that, Nikki. This is your fight.”
I could have been angry at her but what would be the point. I still needed her to help me get through this mess. I refused to give up.
She started smiling again. “That is the spirit.”
I sighed. “It is so annoying that you can read my mind.”
Her laughter was invigorating.


Last edited by Laurian on Wed Jul 27, 2011 6:04 pm; edited 2 times in total

Post Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:20 pm 
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MysteryGirl
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Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


OMG Laurian, I think I was holding my breath all thru this entire addition, Im absolutely exhausted fighting along with Nikki, please don't let her Sad




HugZ, Noni
_________________
Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:50 pm 
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


Hey Noni,

Nikky told me that she thought she saw you sitting in the audience.

I will try to add more soon. Confused I need to start writing it but .. I 'll try to hurry.

Post Sat Jul 18, 2009 1:35 pm 
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PipSqueak



Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England


Ah the sunset lady again, I love the twists in this story. Hoping Nikki gets back soon.

(Against the Brits, Americans and Aussies, your English is amazing. Thank you for carrying on. Smile )

Post Sun Jul 19, 2009 8:42 pm 
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


That is so sweet of you to say, Purple.
Don't know when I 'll be ready with the next bit. I 'll try to get it done before I leave for four days of music, junk food, more music and fun. Cool

Post Sun Jul 19, 2009 9:45 pm 
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


19.
We sat in silence, holding hands. The sunset lady had closed her eyes as if she was sleeping but I knew better. She was patiently waiting, giving me some time to think. I was surprised to notice that I wasn’t panicking. I accepted what had been happening. I just hoped that I could find a solution to get out of this dreamlike state that was linked with my reality.
“So what's next?” I voiced my last thought.
“You will have to confront the thing that is holding you here.” She responded with closed eyes.
“Sounds easy enough.” My sarcastic tone made her open her eyes to look at me.
“It is no small matter to be confronted with your inner demons.”
I sighed, “let's just get it over with so I can get out of here.”
“Do you not want more time to prepare?”
I looked at her puzzled. “Prepare for what? I thought that it would be a good thing to end this and start recovering from my operation.”
She shook her head. “I really think you should take your time. Do not rush these important matters”
I was starting to get a little annoyed with her cryptic words. “I don’t need more time. Not if you aren’t going to inform me.”
“I am not allowed.”
My frustrated groan betrayed my emotions. “You are not allowed. Who is holding you back? I simply want to get back to my life. Damn it, I want to see Lynn!”

At the mention of Lynn’s name a lot of things happened at once. The spotlight dimmed, encasing me in darkness. The crowd gasped. This telltale sound of imminent threat made me freeze. But the worst part was the fact that I couldn’t feel her hand anymore. There was only her lingering warmth in my empty fist. I needed light. As a child I often fell asleep with the light still on. I was too scared to get out of my bed to switch it off dreading to have to run back to my bed in the dark. I feared the dark, the unknown.
I remembered the reading lamp standing next to the couch on my left. Battling my instinct that tried to hold me frozen, I started moving in that direction.
I had to see what was going on. Why did the sunset lady leave? Why did the audience gasp? What is happening?
I felt my way to the left side of the sofa and extended my hand, waving it from left to right until my fingers touched it. I felt the light switch and hoped for the best as I pressed it. The clicking sound ignited the little lamp bulb. The soft light struggled to illuminate the darkened stage. It managed to give me enough light to see my surroundings. I looked at the empty sofa. I saw her imprint in the cushions. I moved over and touched it feeling her warmth still lingering in the fabric. The prickling sensation in my fingertips returned faintly making me aware of my need for her. I looked around desperately trying to find her.
“Why did you leave me?”
I bowed my head in despair. A little spec of color grabbed my attention and I dropped down on my knees to have a better look. A little piece of red silk was partly hidden by the sofa. I reached for it. My hand started tingling when I made contact. The soft reddish glow gave me some reassurance. I clenched my fist in an effort to protect it. The prickling in my hand gave me the courage I needed to battle my fear and panic. I held my fist close to my chest trying to calm my breathing. I had to relax before I could tackle whatever was waiting for me in the dark.
Touching my clenched fist with my lips I whispered, “give me strength.”
A low growl in the back of the stage startled me. I turned around still on my knees. Another deep and intimidating growl broke the silence. It lasted longer this time. A sudden realization shocked me. I heard it moving.
My weak voice betrayed me. “Who is there?”
I heard another low lingering growl in response. This menacing sound raised the hairs in the back of my neck. My survival instinct kicked in. It screamed at me to run away. I knew I was a sitting duck here on my knees in the soft light. Whatever predator, lurking in the shadows, was having a field day with such an easy target. I stood up with the intention of running in the direction of the audience, away from this threat. Perhaps if I jumped off the stage I would have time to run towards the exit doors and close them behind me before it could jump me.
I started running. An angry roar and quick thumps alerted me that I was being pursued. By the sounds I could tell that whatever was behind me, was closing the distance fast. This realization fuelled my panic, flooding my blood with adrenaline. I saw the edge of the stage. I started mentally preparing for my jump in the dark. I felt my muscles tense in that fraction before my jump. A thought screamed at me. ‘You promised not to!’ It made me throw my body to the side. The impact knocking the air out of my lungs. My body rolled in its momentum and came to a halt close to the edge of the stage. My muscles screamed, my skin burned where it had been scraped by the wooden floor. I was panting, desperately trying to fill my lungs with air again.
Panic overtook me once more. I turned my head searching for my doom. I didn’t hear a thing at first but then it moved, slowly closing the little distance left between us. With the soft light in its back I could see a dark mass. It was large in size and moving with a feline grace.
A male voice in the audience screamed. “Turn the light on, Nikki!”
If only I could. I didn’t know how. The thing in front of me stopped moving, startled by the shout in the dark. There were only three meters to cross before it would reach me.
On an impulse I begged, “show me!”
The sudden illumination from a spotlight made some people in the audience shout out in approval. I heard people clapping and cheering. I didn’t dare to look at them. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the threat. The sounds of the audience were silenced by a loud angered roar. I blinked fearing my eyes were betraying me in my panicked state but the image in front of me didn’t change. I saw Angus staring at me in anger. He had grown to become a lion-sized cat. His mouth was opened slightly in an evil grin, showing me his large sharp teeth. They looked deadly. I shivered at the thought that they would shred me to pieces. I knew I had no chance against this giant cat. There was no point in trying to get up and run away. He would catch me before I got to my feet. He was staring at me as if he was studying me. How on earth do you calm down an angered giant cat?
I tried to control my voice when I started speaking softly. “That is a nice, Angus. How mighty you are right now.”
He didn’t react. I noticed his large nostrils moving as he was taking in air. His long heavy tail was swinging. His eyes were fixed on mine. I remembered from watching National Geographic that a big cat with his keen eyesight would scan its prey before sprinting after its quarry and knocking it down. I was already down making it very easy for Angus. He took his time before jumping for the kill knowing that I was doomed.
I closed my eyes in surrender. I waited for his fatal bite in my neck that would smother me. I gave up.
A soft hand touched my shoulder and a whisper close to my ear broke the silence. “Don’t give up, honey. Fight!”
Whomever was speaking must be a member of my audience. I recognized the male voice. It had shouted out to me not too long ago. I felt a hand covering my still clenched fist. He was no longer capable of whispering. “Please fight!”
I could hear the worry in his trembling voice. It made me angry to hear the fear I caused with my surrender. His lingering hand on my fist fuelled my tired body. I inhaled deeply opening my eyes. I turned my head in the direction of this familiar voice. I recognized his friendly eyes locking with mine. The loving face of the most important man in my life so close to me made me forget the peril I was in.
“Dad!”
He kept his smile. “I am here, sweetie.”
“Don’t leave me too, dad.”
He shook his head softly, “nobody is leaving, Nikky.”
I felt a tear running down my cheek. “Mom did.”
His eyes opened wide in shock. “She died, Nikky. She didn’t leave us.”
I closed my eyes not wanting to see the pain I just caused my father. “I promise I won’t leave you either when I die here.”
My words caused his hand to tighten around my fist. I could hear the strain in his voice in effort to remain calm. “Don’t say that. You‘ll live. You have to fight! His angered shout shredded the dark silence. “For me, for Lynn!”
His shout startled me. I opened my eyes. “My Lynn ...”
After I said her name I heard Angus roar in anger. It caused me to turn my head to look at him. His evil glare captured my eyes again. He squatted down on all fours his tail swinging for stability and his ears lay flat. His strength emanated from his tensed muscles. I realized in a fraction of a second that he was preparing his attack. I raised my fists in front of my face in a protective stance. My motion was his signal.
With a growl he jumped, “she is mine!”
His paws landed on my chest. I felt his claws puncturing me, shredding my flesh in his momentum. His body weight knocked the air out of my lungs again.
His mouth was opened wide, aimed at my throat. My forearms slammed into him just under his chin. They succeeded in blocking his head for now. His angered roar so close to me deafened me. I could feel his hot breath on my face. I saw his deadly teeth and the saliva dripping. His growling intensified in his effort to smother me. I felt his muscles tense even more. His paws ripping my chest trying to find a good grip. The adrenaline in my body gave me the strength to keep pushing my forearms against his throat. His growl grew in fury when he felt my resistance. His angry glare still staring at me making his intentions clear. He was going to kill me.
I already could feel my muscles starting to tire. I knew it would only be a matter of seconds now before he would be able to smother me with his bite. I knew I would lose, disappointing my father. I would never see Lynn again. I would never again feel the joy of being with her. I would never see her warm smile or smell her sweet scent. I finally found love but I lost it before I got to taste it. Angus will win again, staring at me until I die. I felt anger when I realized this. My anger building towards fury.
“No!”
My enraged scream fuelling my muscles giving me that superhuman strength I needed to keep pushing.
“No! You will not win this one. She means too much to me!”

My forearms pushing against his windpipe made him struggle for air. He tried to pull his head away from me but I followed him in his motion. I felt his paws trying to cling to my chest. They tried to keep me flat on my back. My rage coursing through me prevented me from feeling the pain his paws caused me as I kept pushing my arms against his windpipe. He started to whimper. He tore away from my body falling down sideways. I felt my blood streaming out of my chest. I had no time to look at the damage he had caused. I had opened my hands squeezing his throat now. I started to strangle him. I heard his gasp, his struggle for air. My grip tightened. He started to buck in a desperate attempt to flee from my death grip. I held on, choking him, letting him drag me along in his effort. His eyes opened wide in his struggle for air. I heard his smothered yelp.
I managed to hiss in my fury. “Leave!”
He closed his eyes in defeat and nodded. I released my grip slightly. He managed to inhale again. He bowed his head, closing his eyes. I released his throat, exhausted. He growled softly in anger but recoiled in defeat.
I whispered pleadingly. “She is a reason to keep fighting!”
He looked at me backing away. I noticed that he was shrinking as the darkness engulfed him.
I fell down. I had no more strength left. I fell in a puddle of my own blood. I managed to lift my hands feeling my shredded chest. My blood staining my hands and the cloth I was still holding. I was so tired.
I struggled to form my words. “I am done, dad.”
I heard his soft voice trying to reassure me from a distance. “Yes sweetheart, you are. I am so proud. Just rest now.”
I saw him still standing in front of the stage. Angus had dragged me away from him. I saw the trail my blood had left. I saw the frustration in his eyes knowing he was unable to climb my stage. He never broke eye contact as my eyelids closed making my own darkness starting to enfold me.
.....
Someone was stroking my hair. A worried soft voice spoke, “hold on, sweetie!”
It echoed as I drifted back into the dark.
....
I heard a voice from afar. I had to concentrate to understand. I scolded myself for allowing the voice to drift in and out. It was difficult to focus.
“Miss Lambert, open your eyes.”
I tried to obey but I didn’t know how and I was so tired. The darkness lulled me back to sleep.
.....
I hear someone talking. There is an urgency in that voice. It is giving me an order but I can’t understand what it says. My blurry mind finally succeeds in registering the concern in the voice. “Miss Lambert, wake up.”
It is touching me. I feel a sharp pain in my finger. I need to tell it to go away. I struggle against the blackness. In my effort I manage to see some flicker of light. I focus on it forcing it to grow. I see blurred shapes. I feel a caress against my hand as the voice speaks. “Welcome back.”
I try to whisper but all I manage is a moan as I drift off again.
.....
I hear noises around me. Things are touching me. I groan in frustration.
A voice spoke. “There you go.”
A second voice joined. “Ah finally, she is awake.”
The first voice on my right came closer as it talked to me. “Can you open your eyes, miss Lambert?”
I managed to do what was asked. It is easier this time to open my eyes. Even my vision is not as blurry anymore.
I see a face floating above me. It is talking. “Welcome back.”
Another face joins in. “We will get that tube out in a second.”
What is that face talking about? What tube?
Face number one turns around to talk to somebody I can’t see. “She's awake.”
A voice answers from out of nowhere. “Good, let's call her family.”
Face number two looks at me. “Breathe out, miss.”
I do what it asks and I feel something snaking its way out of my throat making me gag. I do not like face number two. Although it looks at me smiling. “There, I'm sure that feels better.”
I sigh. I will close my eyes for a second. I don’t feel like looking at faces anymore.
.....
Pinging sounds and some movement alarm me. I open my eyes and someone is standing next to me. I see her smile at me. “Ah we are awake again.” I manage to nod at the nurse.
She comes closer. “Do you need anything?”
I manage to croak, “thirsty.”
She gives me a warm smile. “I will come back in a second.”
I manage to stay awake until she returns. She holds a small bottle of water with a straw. As she holds the straw close to my mouth she says, “take little sips.” I do as she tells me. The liquid in my dry mouth feels wonderful.
“Thank you.”
She starts adjusting something but I am too tired to look and my eyes drift close again.
.....


Last edited by Laurian on Wed Jul 27, 2011 6:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

Post Thu Aug 13, 2009 8:46 am 
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MysteryGirl
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Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


Laurian............this is absolutely riveting! I think I was holding my breath thru the whole scene with Angus..........well done.




HugZ, Noni
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Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:31 am 
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


Thank you for your kind words, Noni.
They keep motivating me to continue.

Post Thu Aug 13, 2009 1:46 pm 
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PipSqueak



Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England


Please continue!! That chapter was great. I love it flicking back from the stage to real life.

Post Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:04 pm 
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Laurian



Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium


*Giggles at Purp*
Hey girl, welcome to the inside of my head. That flicks back and forth from time to time as well. *grin*

I want to thank you for taking the time to post. It is so nice to read a reaction to this ehm ... well ... bizarre story!
The next part is ready but I am not happy with it so it is going to have to wait a bit until I come back from my trip.
Have a good weekend *waves*

Post Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:30 am 
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PipSqueak



Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England


Helping you in with the camping stuff, will sort it out and pack it away. You sit down, have a drink and work on the story.....ok, yep you can sleep as well!!! Very Happy

Post Sun Aug 16, 2009 11:22 pm 
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