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Ol' Man [F]

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Subversive



Joined: 19 Nov 2007
Posts: 115
Location: NC
Ol' Man [F]

The first part of this isn't strictly fantasy, but is on it's way into fantasy as I work on subsequent "chapters". Still not sure if this is going to be a short story fairytale, or a full book.
Constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome, I'm dedicated to writing and perfecting my work.
................................................................................................................


The service is as slow as ever, but hell, at least the food is cooked here. Most food around here comes out of a freezer. Tastes like shit too. So much for southern cookin’. All we fuckin eat any more is Bojangles and Hardees.
Mindy comes over and pours me another cup of coffee. Nah, she doesn’t need to ask if I want any. I drag on the cigarette again, pulling another one out and lighting it off the end of the old one. It takes forever to light, and gives off nasty smoke.

“Cheap drugstore crap.” I mutter. Mindy smiles sympathetically and scurries off to take care of customers who are in bigger hurry.

Inhaling the smoke, I hold it for a moment and wink at a couple of kids. I blow smoke rings for them, an they stop to stare, eyes wide. Their mother gives me the evil eye and drags ‘em off.

“Bitch,” I mutter, dragging at the cig again. Mindy dumps my plate in front of me, and I dig into the piles of potatoes, eggs and steak.

The diner is full of the morning crowd, a weird mix of nervous office types scurrying around the big blue-collar mill workers. Mama Jill’s diner may be small and old, but everyone knows it’s got good grub.

Mindy’s back. “Ya want anything else Mister?” She asks, holding the bill.

“Naw, I’m happy as a tick.” I leer at her. “Unless the prettiest girl in Randle County wants to give me a kiss.”

Even under the caked makeup she blushes, and hurries off. She’s been havin a hard time of late I guess, looks like she’s been crying too. But maybe that’s just smoke.

“You’se bout done old man?” Damn that’s a nasal voice; man must have got a broken nose a few times.

“No. There are other seats.” Oh yeah, some’a the new element of our logging town. Three beefy bastards with a brain cell apiece between the lot of ‘em. Musta gotten lost from the freak show, they’d all give kids nightmares.

“We want this seat asshole. Move on.” The littlest one says. Figures, without the two lumps of meat behind him, he’d just be a little skeeter, could just slap him.

“Too bad, this been my table for the last twenty years. Go get another one.”

“Billy!”

The biggest lump of meat steps forward, his nose like a rejected cauliflower. Been in a few fights with his betters it looks like.

“I ain’t movin.” Billy ain’t getting the hint neither. Damn. Didn’t want to fight today. Don’t need the attention now.

“Ya ok here Mister?” Mindy asks, paling as the other big man looks at her. “I’ll be back in a minute.” She says, hurrying towards the kitchen. Poor lass, her husband must be beating her bad.

“Move or we’s gonna make you move.” Midget says.

“There a problem here boys?” Bless Mindy’s little heart. Makin’ a note to give her husband a few friendly tips, I watch Mama Jill part the waters of the crowd on her way towards me. I might not be the best tipper, but I take care this place pretty good, and Mama Jill knows it.

She waves her wooden spoon at them. Hell’s favorite demons wouldn’t get in the way of Mama Jill’s spoon. The woman is a bayou witch, but she don’t need no curses to handle the fights that sometimes break out around her diner. That spoon works miracles, hurts like hell too.

“E’s in our seat.” Midget whines.

“That’s been Mister’s seat for near twenty years. Go get yourselves in another seat or get your scrawny asses off of my property afore I go callin’ the cops on ya.” Six feet of Mama Jill might just outweigh even Billy, and she’s no lightweight on intelligence either. The men wilt and mosey over to their seats.

“More coffee honey?” Mama Jill asks me, patting my hand.

“No thanks ma’am, but I would like one of Sally’s pastries to take with me.”

“Where ya goin’ today?”

“Gotta visit the old mill. Lot’s of hunters poaching that’away.”

“Mindy! Get Mister two of Sally’s apple pastries! Make sure they’s fresh too!”

“Yes Mama!”

“Also gonna stop and talk to that girl’s no good husband.” I mutter.

“You do that. She’s been a’cryin for two weeks straight, says she caught Margie goin’ down on ‘im, an he hit her, said she’s not givin’ him enough.”

Mindy hands me the pastries in a paper bag. “Thanks girlie. You take yourself out with Sally to the fair tonight.” I order, pressin’ a couple bills into her hand.

“Oh I couldn’t!”

“You arguin’ with the man?” Mama Jill asks, her fists on meaty hips.

“No Mama, thanks Mister!” First real smile I seen on the girl in months.

“Well, I better be goin.” I haul myself out of the seat, my bad leg hurts like hell when a storm’s comin and it looks like we're in for a good one.

Leaving a couple bills on the table, I stroll out into the muggy air and climb into the old Chevy, Mouser barking happily at me from his blanket on the floor of the cab. I ruffle the old dog's ears as the truck grumbles to a start. Lot's of work to do today.

Post Mon Nov 19, 2007 5:52 pm 
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Allison



Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 4216
Location: Florida


Very nice start. I look forward to reading more. Welcome to the Boards!

Alli
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Alli

Post Mon Nov 19, 2007 6:36 pm 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


Subversive,

Please continue...so far I would have to agree that it is a nice start so lets see where it leads

Hugs,
Eiregirl Arrow
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All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Tue Nov 20, 2007 7:10 am 
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Subversive



Joined: 19 Nov 2007
Posts: 115
Location: NC


Thanks! I'm glad you like it.

That's actually as far as I've gone, I'm working madly right now to finish a manuscript by about Feb. of next year, so I don't have must time for short stuff. That was just my most wrapped and polished piece of work available at the moment.

Post Tue Nov 20, 2007 7:49 am 
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