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New Love comes out of sorrow
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
New Love comes out of sorrow

Chapter 1- The hospital

Tanya found herself sitting in the waiting room of the cancer hospital. How many second oppinions did she have to have to realize that her mom didn't have much longer. A year ago things could of been different she could have more time. But her mom was stubborn and didn't want to do Chemo when the doctors suggested it. It seems that you go through your life with the feeling there is always tomorrow to deal with the past. Well tomorrow is here finally and I had to come to terms with that I only got few more months and she was gone.

So here she was a year later to the day sitting in another hospital to be told this time that it was too later the cancer spread to all her organs. Tanya covered her face with her hands and cried. It had been weeks since she found out. She hadn't been able to sleep or eat. Crying well that was out of the question because then she had to admit that end was near.

Tanya spent so much time being angry with her mom about things that happened in the past. She could of stop all the things that happened to her own daughter. But she chose to have blind eye to the abuse that was happening. Now seems like they don't have much time to mend the bridge that had fallen so long ago.

How you just forgive all that pain? She was my mom by all means except she wasn't by birth. All Tanya's life she faught to run away from her past, her family. The people that suppose to love you and wipe your tears when someone has wronged you. But it was them that put it there.

Here she was a year older and faced with the hardest thing ever she was losing the woman she called her mom. Despite all the pain in her heart she still loved her. She loved her family despite everything. It was up to her to repair the damage she let fall between her and her mother.

Tanya recomposed herself and got up and re-entered the room. Her mom was sleeping now. She seemed to be in less pain now, mainly because one of the many machines in the room was pumping morphen into her. Tanya wish there was a cure for her heart. A drug to make what she was feeling go away. But there wasn't she had to just sort out everything and to walk away a better person..a better woman.

Boy had she faught so hard to not let "these people" affect her. But here they were in her life again causing more pain. Everything in her wanted to run and hide but she couldn't. She had to close the chapter on this pain she carried with her so long.

Tanya sat down in the chair by her mom's bed. She reached over grasped her mom's hand and whispered, "Mom, I am sorry I walked away and disappeared from your life. I know now that you did what you felt was right. I forgive you. Mom I still love you."

She thought her mom didn't hear her but she opened her eyes and Tanya saw tears. She said, "My baby girl. Tanya I waited a life time to see your beautiful face, a face of angel. Honey I am sorry. I am afraid I wasn't a good mother. I didn't protect you like I should have."

Tanya got up with tears in her eyes. She kissed her mom's forehead and said, "Mom it doesn't matter now what matters is we are here right now to cherish what time we have." Her mom said, "You're right. So honey where is your guy he should be here with you." I looked at her and said, "Mom, there isn't a guy in my life. You know that." My mom said, "Oh thats right you decided to try out women. I thought you were done with that."

I started getting mad and said, "Mom can we talk about something else beside this. I don't want to agrue with you about this." My mom said, "Thats right you want to run. You've always been good at that. You ran out of the house in middle of night. I thought you were going to come home after work but no you didn't return. But I forgive you for making another bad decision in your life."

I couldn't believe it moments ago she was the mom I always wanted loving and compassionate but here she was turning back into woman I hated for so long. I faught against my anger she wasn't going to have the satisifaction to see her get to me.

Just then a nurse came in and started taking my mom's vitals. I stepped back fighting tears in my eyes. I didn't even look at the nurse I was shocked at what my mom said to me. My mom look all innocent now in the hospital bed and looked sweetly at the nurse and said, "Well hello Janet. Did you meet my daughter? Thats Tanya. My biggest disappointment."

The nurse turned toward me and half smiled. She turned back to my mother and sweetly said, "She doesn't look like a disappointment." My mother said, "Don't let that beautiful face fool you. She is a bad person. She soon live in sin then do what is right." My mother whispered, "She likes women. I don't know how come she is doing this to me."

The nurse said, "I am sure she isn't doing this to you Mrs. Jackson." The nurse started adjusting the covers for my mother and I use that time to exit the room. I had to get out of there I had to have a cigarette. Tanya found the nearest exit and lit up one soon as the doors closed. She made her way to the smoking area. Tanya sat down on the bench that was provided and she enhaled deeply on her cigarette.

Tanya was unaware that someone had followed her out. She looked up to see the nurse. She was just taking out a cigarette and she seemed to be looking for something in her pocket. She said, "You wouldn't happen to have a light now would you. I seem to misplace mine." Tanya half smiled and pulled out her lighter instead of handing it to her she held out the flame for her. The nurse lended over and lit her cigarette.

Tanya put the lighter back in her pocket and resumed smoking her cigarette. The nurse finally spoke again, "Thanks! Are you ok? It's Tanya right?" Tanya turned toward the nurse and said, "Yes its Tanya. No I am not ok. How can I be. My mom is dying and she hates me for being gay." The nurse said, "Honey she is in alot of pain. I am sure she doesn't hate she probably doesn't know how to deal with her daughter being different."

The nurse sat down beside Tanya and said, "Can I tell you a secret?" Tanya looked over at her and said, "Sure." The nurse said, "It took my mom like five years to deal with the fact I liked women. I had to deal with her silence and ignoring that it even existed. We had don't ask, don't tell policy. Finally one day she said ok Janet I know this is who you are and well I don't like it but I can't ignore it or you anymore."

Tanya looked at the nurse for the first time really taking her in. She wasn't bad looking. Heck she was even beautiful she was type of woman she normally dated. Janet noticed me checking her out and she said, "I am not saying yours will be like mine because frankly she doesn't have much time. We are trying to help her rest easier."

Janet then put her hand on my leg and said, "She is right about you though. You are beautiful." Tanya blushed and said, "Thank you. Ummm...I really should get going thanks for chatting with me." The nurse said, "Sure. I hope I made you feel better a little bit." Tanya deposited her dead cigarette into the ash tray and turned back to Janet. She said, "Ya, sure you have great rest of your shift. Tell my mom something came up and I will visit with her tomorrow."

Janet said, "Sure. You have a good day too." Tanya turned and walked to the parking lot. She quickly drove away leaving Janet looking after her.
_________________
Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Fri Jul 27, 2007 8:53 pm 
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LurkingAbout



Joined: 20 Mar 2007
Posts: 51


Another great story added to the list! Can't wait for more, nice start.

Post Fri Jul 27, 2007 10:06 pm 
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
THANKS!

Thank you for reading my story just far. I will add more later.
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Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Fri Jul 27, 2007 10:24 pm 
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sadeyes



Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 150
Location: wisconsin
loves

this one made me cry hold on girl im always here release your pain and anger and your writing shows it keep going it eases it even at a litle at a time Exclamation
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Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.

Post Sat Aug 04, 2007 10:01 pm 
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Allison



Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 4216
Location: Florida


Perfect beginning Loves. Write it out Wink Take care of yourself!!

Alli
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Alli

Post Sun Aug 05, 2007 3:10 pm 
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ


Thanks for comment Alli nice to know your reading my stuff.
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Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Wed Aug 08, 2007 12:40 am 
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ


Chapter 2-Night Out

Tanya went home to try and finish the paperwork she had brought home. Unable to concentrate on what she was doing she knew she was in need of something strong to get her mind off her mom. She couldn't understand how a woman could be so judgemental about everything when her life wasn't perfect. She tried to please her family for so long when she finally breaks free she is only dragged back into more grief than before. She couldn't walk away from it this time she had to somehow be there for her mom but how can she do it without losing herself again. Here she was again putting herself on hold for the sake of her family just so she would not stirring up the pot with trouble.

She drove to her favorite bar and sat in her truck for few minutes to collect herself. Then she causally walked out and into the bar, she was greeted by her friends she had made over the years visiting there. The bartender was first to notice her, "Hey good looking! It's been few weeks you ok?" I forced a smile and said, "Oh yeah just busy at work John you know how that is." John was probably only straight guy in the place. They formed a instant friendship but never did anything outside the bar. She kept a very private life not letting too many people in. Last person she let in was Sandra and well that didn't end so well. Tanya loved her completely and like all her other relationships it ended. But this left a deep scar, a scar rooted in her soul. How can someone one day confess their undying love for you one day and the very next day wake up and be different person? Thats how it was though. They were looking at apartments together and Sandra told her that she didn't love her and she never did.

Tanya was heart broken never had someone ripped her heart out like that. But here she was in the car with the woman she loved unconditionally telling her that all this time it was a lie. She turned toward Sandra crying. First time anyone had ever seen her cry. She said, "For first time in my life I regret falling in love." Sandra said, "How can you say that?" Tanya said, "How can I not after what you said to me. You fooled me all this time. Was it a game to you see how much idiot I can make of myself by falling in love with you? What was I just another notch on your bed post?" Sandra said, "Baby it wasn't like that at all I care about you but I don't love you." Tanya said, "Don't baby me Sandra. You shouldn't say you love someone if you don't." Sandra said, "I said only what you wanted to hear. Heck you were one telling me you loved me." Tanya said, "Only because I felt it. I meant everything I said to you. I didn't lead you on. Can you just take me home."

They drove silently toward her apartment and Tanya the whole time was crying. Once there Sandra said, "Can I still see you?" Tanya said, "I don't think that is a good idea being everything that happened today." She started to get out and then she turned back to Sandra and said, "You know because of you I won't ever say those words again. I can't allow myself to love to only have someone else throw my heart back to at me. Thanks for everything." She got out of the car and slowly walked to her apartment. The next day Sandra called her leave message after message on her cellphone. Finally Tanya answered she said, "Enough is enough. Please just leave me alone. I am done." That was more than a year ago and still Tanya had yet to say those words to anyone not that she didn't date. She dated wonderful women some were even blind dates set up by her friends. Just when they started getting close or actually fell for her she would leave them. Story was always the same that they just wasn't what she was looking for.

John knew by looking at Tanya something was bothering her. He said, "How about a strong one on the house honey?" Tanya said, "Not necessary John I can pay for my drinks." John said, "Hey wasn't you birthday a few weeks ago. At least let me buy you a drink to celebrate." Tanya finally yeld and said, "Ok John one drink." She took her drink and like always found table near the pool tables in the back. She was just sitting down when she heard a familar voice belonging to none other than Janet the nurse taking care of her mother. Janet said, "Fancy meeting you here." She looked at the nurse still in uniform and said, "I usually come here just been while." Janet walked toward her and said, "Can I join you?" She looked up at her and said, "Yeah I guess company would be nice. Did you just get off work?" Janet sat down across from her and said, "Yeah shortly after you left."

Tanya just looked at her and ran a finger around the rim of her glass. Janet looked at her and smiled as she watched Tanya run her finger around the glass. Tanya finished her drink and sat there quietly staring off into space. John walked over to the table and said, "Can I get you another one beautiful?" She looked up and said, "Ummm....sure why not." Janet looked at her and said, "Does everyone call you beautiful?" Tanya laughed and said, "Nah John has always said that to me for long as I've known him. If you excuse me I am going to bathroom." She got up and walked off just as John was coming back with her drink. John said, "So you like my girl Tanya?" Janet said, "Is it that obvious?" John said, "Yeah its cool but let me warn you she doesn't like to get close to anyone. She tends to run. She been hurt bad and doesn't really open up." Janet said, "I gather that. Well I don't give up so easily. Thanks John." He knodded his head and walked off just as Tanya was returning from the bathroom.

She sat down and picked up her drank without taking her eyes off Janet. She set the glass down and just sat there. Janet said, "You always this quiet or is it me?" Tanya smiled and said, "I am usually this quiet. Sorry just my mind is elsewhere." Janet said, "Tell you what a table just opened up how about we play game." Tanya said, "You don't want to play me I am pretty good." Janet said, "Is that so. Let's have a friendly bet then." Tanya said, "What's the stakes?" Janet said, "Winner chooses prize." Tanya said, "How's that fair?" Janet said, "What you afraid of you said you are good. You could have anything you want." Tanya said, "Ok fine you're on."

They got up and went to the table and Janet said, "Tell you what I will even let you break." Tanya said, "Very nice of you. Are you sure thats a wise decision?" She looked at Janet and smiled. For first time since meeting her she was allowing herself to relax a little around her. Maybe it was the alcohol that was getting to her and not really Janet's intoxicating smile. They played for little bit and Janet decided to raise the stakes she decided to flirt a little with Tanya. When she went to make her shot she made she gave Tanya ample opportunity to see some cleavage. Tanya looked at her and liked the idea that Janet was flirting. Couple times Tanya missed easy shot because she was distracted by Janet. Damn, this woman was turning her on and last thing she wanted right now was a fling. But then again this woman was like everything she desired in a woman.

In the end Janet won and Tanya said, "Damn, I almost had you. Alright this calls for a cigarette. You ready for one?" Janet said, "Yeah why not. You finish your drink?" Tanya said, "Almost she drank down the rest of the shot and they headed toward the door. Tanya stopped at the bar to leave the empty glass and to pay for it. John said, "Nah that one is on the house. You done for the night?" Tanya said, "I don't know let me have a cigarette first."

She walked outside where Janet was waiting. Tanya said, "What's the matter forgot your lighter again?" Janet said, "I thought about what my prize is." Tanya had forgotten about the bet she kinda sucked in air waiting for her to name her prize. She walked toward the wall to lean against the wall. Janet looked at her and said, "I want a kiss from you." Tanya smiled and said, "Is that all you want?" Janet said, "Depends whatelse you offering?" That question caught her off guard and she said, "Right now I am not in any shape to offer anything. My mom being in the hospital has gotten me all out of sorts." Janet smiled and said, "I wasn't asking for anything but a kiss hun."

Tanya didn't make any movement toward Janet. She just looked at her and Janet said, "Do I make you uncomfortable? It should be obvious I am attracted to you." Tanya said, "I know you're attracted to me. No you don't make me uncomfortable." Janet walked over to her and stood inches from her and said, "So can I have my prize?" Tanya half smiled and said, "Well a bet is a bet." She stood up and without hesitation she softly kissed Janet. When the kiss ended Janet said, "Mmmm that was nice but I kind of was hoping for something little more." Tanya said, "What you didn't say what kind of kiss just a kiss." She lend back against the wall and just looked at her kinda challenging her to see what she would do.

Janet said, "Hmm guess I have to show you what I was hoping for." Janet lended against Tanya pinning her against the wall. She looked at Tanya for second then lean into her and briefly at first brushing her lips across Tanya's. Tanya softly moaned and Janet pressed harder and gave her a passionate kiss. The kind of kiss that leaves you panting for more and makes you toes curl with anticipation for the next one. When they broke the kiss Janet smiled because Tanya had a look of stunned on her face. Tanya looked at Janet stunned she wasn't expecting to be kissed like that especially by her.

Tanya was going to say something but someone came around the corner. Janet stepped back and lit a cigarette and looked at Tanya with great earnest. The guy that came around the corner was John the bartender. John said, "What you two girls doing?" Tanya looked at Janet and said, "Smoking. I am got to leave John. It was great seeing you again." John said, "You too honey. Drive safe." Tanya ducked around John and half ran to her truck. Janet took off after her and said, "Hey wait up. Tanya did I do something wrong?"

Tanya didn't stop she said, "I got to go thanks for playing pool with me." She got in her truck fast as she could but Janet stopped her she said, "Hey whats matter?" Tanya said, "Look I think you are a nice person. Its obvious I am attracted to you just as much as your attracted to me but I can't do this right now." Janet said, "Do what?" She looked at Janet and said, "Forget it I am all mixed up right now with my mom. I just got to go." Janet let her leave and stared after her confused.
_________________
Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:20 am 
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IB6UB9



Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 65
Location: midwest...USA


Hey Loves....nice story....hope there's more comin

Post Wed Aug 08, 2007 1:16 pm 
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ


Thanks for comment IB6UB9. Yes there is more coming so stay posted.
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Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Sat Aug 11, 2007 1:52 am 
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Allison



Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 4216
Location: Florida


Keep it coming Loves!! Very nice story.

Alli
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Alli

Post Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:18 am 
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ


Alli,

Thanks for the comment. I am just doing a read on what I wrote for chapter 3. It will be on its way maybe tomorrow if I have time.
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Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:34 am 
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
New Love comes out of sorrow...ch3

Chapter 3-Confortation-Coming Clean

Tanya made it home to find herself shaken to the core. This woman shifted everything in her. How could it affect her it was just one kiss? She grabbed her stuff and headed into her apartment. She sat down at her computer once more, forcing herself to concentrate on her work. She had a deadline and one kiss wouldn't distract her from what she has worked so hard for.

Late in the night she pulled herself away from her computer, she looked around her apartment. It maybe full of furniture but it felt empty to her just like her life had felt empty all this time. She shut her lift off and stumbled to bed. She was tired, worn out, and emotionally drained.

She fell asleep the instant her head hit the pillow, only to be woken by her alarm clock hours later. She kicked her covers off and walked into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn't bad looking in her late twenties, shoulder length brown hair, and mistical blue eyes. I think the correct term would be bedroom eyes.

She was built with the right curves in the right places. Enough beauty to make all girls want her and men. Talk about fighting them off with a stick. LOL She shook her head a few times to try and shake the dreams she had had. Dreams about a woman with intense kisses.

Tanya quickly stripped off her sports bar and boxers she wore to bed. She quickly showered and headed to the hospital. She arrived just as visiting hours opened. She lightly tapped on the door and entered the room. She smilled at the nurse as she walked in.

The nurse finished up doing the vidals and left the room saying, "She's all yours." Tanya looked at her mom and said, "How are you feeling today?" Her mom said, "Baby girl I thought you weren't coming today." She half smiled at her mom saying, "Course I would be here mom. Has anyone else showed up to see you?"

Mom said, "Ya, they will be back later." I said, "That's good. So has doctor been in or just the nurse?" Mom said, "Yeah he's been in. It's not good." She sighed and I said, "Are you ok mom?" She looked at me and said, "So Tanya about yesterday I want to say I am sorry. I can't believe that you would do this to me." Tanya said, "I am not doing anything to you mom."

Her mom said, "But I just don't get why you would be this way." Tanya knew that this discussion wasn't going to end well she wanted to avoid it at all cost. She said, "I can't discuss this with you." Her mom said, "Why? I just don't understand you." Tanya said, "There is nothing to understand, this is who I am. Mom we don't have time to keep doing this." Her mom said, "Fine then leave I soon be alone than deal with you. I just can't look at you right now." Tanya said, "But mom...." Her mom turned away and didn't look at her. Silently Tanya exited the room and down the hall.

She walked passed Janet toward the exit. She didn't want to have to justify who I am to anybody. I am just me. Janet watched as Tanya walked out the door. She wonder how do I get this girl to know that I can love her. That I can comfort her and help her carry this staff of pain. The weeks flew by and Tanya had the same agruement over and over again with her mom. She always left in hurry before everyone else arrived and always avoiding Janet.

Then one day Tanya had a enough she had to come clean and regain herself. She walked in the hospital full of confidence and courage. Her mom was sitting up in the bed and laughing about something someone said. Tanya noticed right away that rest of her family was there this time. They all stopped talking and looked at her.

Tanya walked up to her bed and lend down to kiss her on her forehead. She waited for her to start in on me she always does. It didn't take her long and she did in front of everyone this time. She said, "So Tanya tell us how your gay life going for you." Tanya said, "Mom, I know you're sick and you don't have much time. But I am still human. I have flesh and blood. I also have feelings and if you insist on hurting me then I have to stop coming to see you."

Everyone looked at me and was quiet. Tanya took a deep breath and said, "I'll put the record straight. Yes I am gay and happy about my life as it is. If any of you can't accept this then fine we don't have to see each other. But I am not going change who I am for anybody. If that makes me selfish then fine I am selfish."

Finally her mom said, "I don't agree but you are still my daughter." Tanya stood there stunned and finally everyone started talking again. We ended up having a pleasant visit. It was time for her to leave she hugged her mom and left the room feeling better than she has felt in years. Tanya walked into the sunlight smiling. She looked back at the hospital doors and smiled.

She pulled out her cigarettes and walked toward the smoking area. Tanya saw Janet her back was face toward Tanya.
_________________
Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:59 am 
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ


Better late then never ladies here is my newest entry. I will add Chapter 4 soon. I also have new story in the works I think you will enjoy as well.

Happy reading!
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Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:01 am 
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Allison



Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 4216
Location: Florida


Great story Loves. Keep it coming. Can't wait to read your new story as well.

Alli
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Alli

Post Fri Aug 31, 2007 5:57 pm 
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LovesWriter



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 76
Location: Scottsdale, AZ


Alli,

Thanks for the comment. Razz
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Tammy-Time
Love...Love is friendship on fire! That is what I seek...

Post Sat Sep 01, 2007 5:42 pm 
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