Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts
Eire,
Wow, you are absolutely right. the words I miscounted, though, were "fire" and "miles". I' always thought they had two syllables and that's how I pronounce them - gotta change that See how much I learn from you, Eire! Thanks
Eiregirl _________________ All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are
Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine
These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:25 am
desert-fish
Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted
I do like that that lighthouse poem sunny...the form is repetitive,but that's a device in itself..it sort of lulls one
Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:01 pm
Sunny
Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts
Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts
Pale,
Thanks I find the form a bit redundant as well, but it can have a rather hypnotic effect I suppose. Perhaps that's why I keep playing with nautical themes...
For this being your first Ghazal all I can say is...
It is a Ghazal and...
Wonderfully done
Eiregirl _________________ All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are
Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine
These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
Sun Nov 05, 2006 4:08 am
Mairi bheag
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
It certainly is - and I echo the sentiment.
Mb
xx
_________________ all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.
Sun Nov 05, 2006 4:36 am
Sunny
Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts
Pale,
Great to see you taking the jump into the world of ghazals. After a lengthy discussion on another board with a fella from India who picked apart one of my ghazals because of I used the words crossed and cost, I immersed myself in research on this style for much of three weeks and went so far as to consult with a US professor (who founded the Ghazal Page) regarding stylistic issues (who by the way had no problem with the cost/crossed rhyme). YES, OK, now you all know one of my big weakness (or at least anyone who happens to wander into this forum), I can be very stubborn (though I prefer to think of it as determined) when pushed. But the guy who picked my rhyme apart ticked me off because of his arrogance - he insisted that since he was from India he was automatically right and scholars could not know as much as he did on the subject yada yada yada..... Yeah, and so anyone from England is the absolute authority on Shakespearean sonnets... I'll shut up now...
Anyhow, while some of the contemporary, often American, ghazals go so far as to do away with the refrain, purists believe the refrain should be immediately preceded by the monosyllabic rhyme thus "surrender...and hoist the white flag once again " might be changed to "surrender... the white flag I hoist once again". Regardless, this is a beautiful ghazal - you did a wonderful job of it. I wish we had little smileys that could clap, but a bouquet will have to do
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
When I first came to Mels I never dreamed I would find people writing ghazals. I came to the form a while ago, but have never mastered it, so I have never posted any of my draft work. It is fascinating. Keep up the good work all of you.
Mb
xx
_________________ all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.
Sun Nov 05, 2006 6:46 am
Sunny
Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts
quote:Originally posted by Mairi bheag:
When I first came to Mels I never dreamed I would find people writing ghazals. I came to the form a while ago, but have never mastered it, so I have never posted any of my draft work. It is fascinating. Keep up the good work all of you.
Mb
xx
Mairi,
I hope you realize the pedastal I've placed you upon isn't that high and we can place some pillows around it to soften the blow should you fall... I'd love to read some of your ghazals and hope to see some soon. I suspect I'd learn a lot and I have no doubt they will make for beautiful reading.
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
Sunny I don't think I have any finished ones. I am struggling with the concepts of theme within the ghazal, rather than straightforward structure. Plus I think I have lost all my notes. I aim to write very naturally, and at the moment I am tending to "force" the ghazal. I do not like the half-finished result. We'll see.
Mb
xx
_________________ all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.
Sun Nov 05, 2006 7:43 am
desert-fish
Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted
quote:Originally posted by seansun:
Pale,
Great to see you taking the jump into the world of ghazals. After a lengthy discussion on another board with a fella from India who picked apart one of my ghazals because of I used the words crossed and cost, I immersed myself in research on this style for much of three weeks and went so far as to consult with a US professor (who founded the Ghazal Page) regarding stylistic issues (who by the way had no problem with the cost/crossed rhyme). YES, OK, now you all know one of my big weakness (or at least anyone who happens to wander into this forum), I can be very stubborn (though I prefer to think of it as determined) when pushed. But the guy who picked my rhyme apart ticked me off because of his arrogance - he insisted that since he was from India he was automatically right and scholars could not know as much as he did on the subject yada yada yada..... Yeah, and so anyone from England is the absolute authority on Shakespearean sonnets... I'll shut up now...
Anyhow, while some of the contemporary, often American, ghazals go so far as to do away with the refrain, purists believe the refrain should be immediately preceded by the monosyllabic rhyme thus "surrender...and hoist the white flag once again " might be changed to "surrender... the white flag I hoist once again". Regardless, this is a beautiful ghazal - you did a wonderful job of it. I wish we had little smileys that could clap, but a bouquet will have to do
Continue to be great!
Sunny
Yep, I'm aware that I broke the pattern at the end...acording to previous comments permissable....but then, that is me to a t...I'm attracted to structures, forms, patterns...and then I feel I have to break them!!!
Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:44 am
desert-fish
Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted
quote:Originally posted by Mairi bheag:
It certainly is - and I echo the sentiment.
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