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Poetry Forum Index -> Poetic Form and Technique

Out of reach (#39 Ghazal)
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LifeVita6
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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts


Eire,
Wow, you are absolutely right. the words I miscounted, though, were "fire" and "miles". I' always thought they had two syllables and that's how I pronounce them - gotta change that Embarassed See how much I learn from you, Eire! Very Happy Thanks Arrow

Sunny Cool
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All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.

Post Sun Oct 15, 2006 10:19 pm 
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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts


Still in a state of shock and awe over the fact that there is only one syllable in "fire" and in "miles" Shocked


Hum... Let's see. I think this might work better...

LIGHTHOUSE OF ALEXANDRIA (a Ghazal style poem*)

Oh Pharos, how I dream you shine your light again
And guide lost sailors safely through the night again.

If you had been restored when quakes so shook your walls
Could many ships you save from deadly plight again?

White marble rising tall, your mirror rests atop
In sleep I see your panoramic sight again.

Reflection from your turret shining o’er the sea
So stately, as your flames are blazing bright again.

Your beauty and your splendor seen from miles afar
Could many strong ones raise you to such height again?

Were you rebuilt, your awe and splendor back intact
Would many loving ones you reunite again?

No lighthouse will compare to you in your great days
No, Alexandria shan’t glow so bright again.
_________________
All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.

Post Sun Oct 15, 2006 10:33 pm 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


Sunny,

That is splendid Smile

Hugs you tight mmmmmmm love that poem

Eiregirl Arrow
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All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:25 am 
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desert-fish



Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted


I do like that that lighthouse poem sunny...the form is repetitive,but that's a device in itself..it sort of lulls one Very Happy

Post Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:01 pm 
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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts


Eire,
Thanks so much for continuing to introduce me to new poetic styles and technique. Your lessons stay in to forefront of my mind as I sit to write. You are a true gem! Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation
Sunny Cool
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All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.

Post Sun Oct 22, 2006 3:46 pm 
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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts


Pale,
Thanks Very Happy I find the form a bit redundant as well, but it can have a rather hypnotic effect I suppose. Perhaps that's why I keep playing with nautical themes... Wink

Sunny Cool
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All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.

Post Sun Oct 22, 2006 4:15 pm 
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desert-fish



Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted
White Flag[F!]

I long to hear her silky voice once again
To hold that gaze, glistening moist, once again

What if I could turn back the clock...reverse time
And let her stand before her choice once again

Would she lose the battle with indecision?
Not give her tender feelings voice, once again

Or would she find the strength to face derision?
And give me reason to rejoice once again

Late at night, I battle with these thoughts of mine
surrender...and hoist the white flag once again

© 2006 Robynne


Last edited by desert-fish on Wed Nov 22, 2006 7:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

Post Sat Nov 04, 2006 7:35 pm 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny
Re: White Flag[F!]

Pale,

For this being your first Ghazal all I can say is...

It is a Ghazal and...

Wonderfully done

Smile

Eiregirl Arrow
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All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Sun Nov 05, 2006 4:08 am 
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Mairi bheag



Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland


It certainly is - and I echo the sentiment.

Mb
xx

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Post Sun Nov 05, 2006 4:36 am 
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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts


Pale,
Great to see you taking the jump into the world of ghazals. After a lengthy discussion on another board with a fella from India who picked apart one of my ghazals because of I used the words crossed and cost, I immersed myself in research on this style for much of three weeks and went so far as to consult with a US professor (who founded the Ghazal Page) regarding stylistic issues (who by the way had no problem with the cost/crossed rhyme). YES, OK, now you all know one of my big weakness (or at least anyone who happens to wander into this forum), I can be very stubborn (though I prefer to think of it as determined) when pushed. But the guy who picked my rhyme apart ticked me off because of his arrogance - he insisted that since he was from India he was automatically right and scholars could not know as much as he did on the subject yada yada yada..... Yeah, and so anyone from England is the absolute authority on Shakespearean sonnets... I'll shut up now...

Anyhow, while some of the contemporary, often American, ghazals go so far as to do away with the refrain, purists believe the refrain should be immediately preceded by the monosyllabic rhyme thus "surrender...and hoist the white flag once again " might be changed to "surrender... the white flag I hoist once again". Regardless, this is a beautiful ghazal - you did a wonderful job of it. I wish we had little smileys that could clap, but a bouquet will have to do Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation

Continue to be great!
Sunny Cool
_________________
All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.

Post Sun Nov 05, 2006 6:09 am 
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Mairi bheag



Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland


When I first came to Mels I never dreamed I would find people writing ghazals. I came to the form a while ago, but have never mastered it, so I have never posted any of my draft work. It is fascinating. Keep up the good work all of you.

Mb
xx

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all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.

Post Sun Nov 05, 2006 6:46 am 
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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts


quote:
Originally posted by Mairi bheag:
When I first came to Mels I never dreamed I would find people writing ghazals. I came to the form a while ago, but have never mastered it, so I have never posted any of my draft work. It is fascinating. Keep up the good work all of you.

Mb
xx



Mairi,
I hope you realize the pedastal I've placed you upon isn't that high and we can place some pillows around it to soften the blow should you fall... Wink I'd love to read some of your ghazals and hope to see some soon. I suspect I'd learn a lot and I have no doubt they will make for beautiful reading.

Sunny Cool
_________________
All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.

Post Sun Nov 05, 2006 6:52 am 
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Mairi bheag



Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland


Sunny I don't think I have any finished ones. I am struggling with the concepts of theme within the ghazal, rather than straightforward structure. Plus I think I have lost all my notes. I aim to write very naturally, and at the moment I am tending to "force" the ghazal. I do not like the half-finished result. We'll see.

Mb
xx

_________________
all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.

Post Sun Nov 05, 2006 7:43 am 
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desert-fish



Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted


quote:
Originally posted by seansun:
Pale,
Great to see you taking the jump into the world of ghazals. After a lengthy discussion on another board with a fella from India who picked apart one of my ghazals because of I used the words crossed and cost, I immersed myself in research on this style for much of three weeks and went so far as to consult with a US professor (who founded the Ghazal Page) regarding stylistic issues (who by the way had no problem with the cost/crossed rhyme). YES, OK, now you all know one of my big weakness (or at least anyone who happens to wander into this forum), I can be very stubborn (though I prefer to think of it as determined) when pushed. But the guy who picked my rhyme apart ticked me off because of his arrogance - he insisted that since he was from India he was automatically right and scholars could not know as much as he did on the subject yada yada yada..... Yeah, and so anyone from England is the absolute authority on Shakespearean sonnets... I'll shut up now...

Anyhow, while some of the contemporary, often American, ghazals go so far as to do away with the refrain, purists believe the refrain should be immediately preceded by the monosyllabic rhyme thus "surrender...and hoist the white flag once again " might be changed to "surrender... the white flag I hoist once again". Regardless, this is a beautiful ghazal - you did a wonderful job of it. I wish we had little smileys that could clap, but a bouquet will have to do Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation

Continue to be great!
Sunny Cool


Yep, I'm aware that I broke the pattern at the end...acording to previous comments permissable....but then, that is me to a t...I'm attracted to structures, forms, patterns...and then I feel I have to break them!!!

Very Happy Twisted Evil Exclamation

Post Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:44 am 
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desert-fish



Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted


quote:
Originally posted by Mairi bheag:
It certainly is - and I echo the sentiment.

Mb
xx



smiles listening to the echo Very Happy

Post Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:47 am 
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