Joined: 30 Dec 2005
Posts: 1489
Location: Ayr, Scotland
untitled [F]
it's been a while since i've written anything and struggled with this, feedback would be much appreciated
it's about one of my alters who seems to have a crush on my new therapist (yep i'm back in therapy )
So in happy and in love with Karen
Yet my alter is craving someone new
I tell her it’s a no go area
But she no listens to reason
She causes confusion in my head
She’s so happy she was noticed
Since she was recognised
Without an introduction
She believes something could happen
Not believing it won’t
Her idea of love is allowing abuse
Letting others use and abuse
Thankfully her target is trustworthy
Someone who is trying to help
Aiding our recovery from our past
I’m so aware of what could happen
Scared it will destroy the trust
Trust that has taken so long to build
Can be destroyed in a moment of haste
(c) T.Smith 2013 _________________ I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
sometimes i wonder... ' why is that frisbee getting bigger'... and then it hits me
Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:59 am
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Hi Trace, you asked me for some feedback, so just a few thoughts...technically I would change
So in happy and in love with Karen
to.....I'm so happy and in love with Karen......
and
But she no listens to reason
To....... she doesnt listen to reason....or..... but she's not listening to reason...
Just flows better
As regards content there is no need to say anything, you were able to very accurately convey what is happening for you and your emotions are valid. Keep writing it out, it helps, doesnt it?
HugZ, MG _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Mon Mar 25, 2013 12:35 am
Tracey
Joined: 30 Dec 2005
Posts: 1489
Location: Ayr, Scotland
Re: untitled [F]
I'm so in happy and in love with Karen
Yet my alter is craving someone new
I tell her it’s a no go area
but she's not listening to reason
She causes confusion in my head
She’s so happy she was noticed
Since she was recognised
Without an introduction
She believes something could happen
Not believing it won’t
Her idea of love is allowing abuse
Letting others use and abuse
Thankfully her target is trustworthy
Someone who is trying to help
Aiding our recovery from our past
I’m so aware of what could happen
Scared it will destroy the trust
Trust that has taken so long to build
Can be destroyed in a moment of haste
(c) T.Smith 2013
Thanks Noni, i knew there was something but i couldn't work out what!
gonna show this to my therapist next time i see her
as you probably guess it's about her and my alter TS
xx _________________ I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
sometimes i wonder... ' why is that frisbee getting bigger'... and then it hits me
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