lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, lesbian, poetry, poems, poem, my girl, her, she, girl, mine, my girl poetry, 
my girl poems, my girl poem, she poetry, she poem, she poems, her poems, her poetry, her poem, lesbian my girl poetry, 
lesbian my girl poems, lesbian my girl poem, lesbian girl poems, lesbian girl poem, lesbian girl poetry, poem submissions,
poetry submissions, poetry submission, lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, 
submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry, submit poetry, submit poems, submit poem lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, lesbian, poetry, poems, poem, my girl, her, she, girl, mine, my girl poetry, 
my girl poems, my girl poem, she poetry, she poem, she poems, her poems, her poetry, her poem, lesbian my girl poetry, 
lesbian my girl poems, lesbian my girl poem, lesbian girl poems, lesbian girl poem, lesbian girl poetry, poem submissions,
poetry submissions, poetry submission, lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, 
submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry, submit poetry, submit poems, submit poem lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, lesbian, poetry, poems, poem, my girl, her, she, girl, mine, my girl poetry, 
my girl poems, my girl poem, she poetry, she poem, she poems, her poems, her poetry, her poem, lesbian my girl poetry, 
lesbian my girl poems, lesbian my girl poem, lesbian girl poems, lesbian girl poem, lesbian girl poetry, poem submissions,
poetry submissions, poetry submission, lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, 
submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry, submit poetry, submit poems, submit poem lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, lesbian, poetry, poems, poem, my girl, her, she, girl, mine, my girl poetry, 
my girl poems, my girl poem, she poetry, she poem, she poems, her poems, her poetry, her poem, lesbian my girl poetry, 
lesbian my girl poems, lesbian my girl poem, lesbian girl poems, lesbian girl poem, lesbian girl poetry, poem submissions,
poetry submissions, poetry submission, lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, 
submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry, submit poetry, submit poems, submit poem
BACK TO HOME PAGE SITE NAVIGATION CONTACT STORY FORUM GENERAL FORUM   Horoscope  Radio  Gallery  FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Register   Profile   PM's   
Log in 

Poetry Forum Index -> 'My Girl' Poetry

Bitten.(looking for honest feed back please!)

LifeVita6
  Author    Thread Post new topic Reply to topic
anaflyby9



Joined: 09 Feb 2008
Posts: 2
Bitten.(looking for honest feed back please!)

Bitten.

My thoughts are of another time-
lost long ago in the day's long night.
To time before this callous moment,
smoothered with the words you throw, slipping so easliy from your grasp.
They fly like fists, in the back alley of a darkened underground-
and I catch them all-
hard against my whitened flesh,
feeling their sting deep in my bones,
wondering why they come so fast-
and why I can't stop them.
My soul breaks up into tiny pieces- splintering into shards of broken stained glass,
then float- to the surface
of my see-through skin.
I am not able to hide my doubts as you are.
Fear is written across me with a thick, black Sharpie pen.
Fear
not of the words you spurt but of losing you to their power.

It hurts.
to see your eyes glaze over with a dense hatred of me,
knowing how much love you hold in your bruised up heart.
I try to remember that-
I focus my diluted eyes
on the beautiful smile that you give to me so freely,
most of the time.
I try to remember-
that you don't mean what you say
to hurt me.
I am shoved into this wall with your force because there is no control.
Sometimes you can't stop the flow of all the pain-
still left inside.
The pigmentation still stains your fingertips to remind you of that.
The colors,
remind me
that you are still just a lost little girl-
searching for love.


-Alicia Nicole Adams
2005

Post Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:05 am 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
Beth



Joined: 01 Jan 2008
Posts: 336
Location: Michigan


I think this is a great write - you've captured painful feelings and brought them to the light - excellent metaphors and movement takes the reader into this experience and showers them with remains of great sadness you have now cast aside now that you've written it down you will be able to abide

Be strong - if this is just a poem it is good - if it is happening -please don't lose yourself to this person - life is meant to be peaceful and serene - being alone is worth it at times like this

Exclamation I send you my prayer and know that you are not alone


Beth
_________________
StarGazer

Post Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:29 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
anaflyby9



Joined: 09 Feb 2008
Posts: 2


quote:
Originally posted by Beth:
I think this is a great write - you've captured painful feelings and brought them to the light - excellent metaphors and movement takes the reader into this experience and showers them with remains of great sadness you have now cast aside now that you've written it down you will be able to abide

Be strong - if this is just a poem it is good - if it is happening -please don't lose yourself to this person - life is meant to be peaceful and serene - being alone is worth it at times like this

Exclamation I send you my prayer and know that you are not alone


Beth


Star-

Thanks for your feed back, it's nice to recieve your views!...and don't worry, yes, this poem was based on a life experience but time has healed all of that wound and now it is just a past pain that has become a blossom of beautiful words. Thank you for your prayers!

-ANA

Post Mon Feb 25, 2008 6:16 am 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


ana,

This is a very nice poem and I have to agree with Beth...you have captured some painful feeling and did a good job of it. It is wonderful to know that this pain you experienced is in the past and no longer fills your days.

in the third line of the poem you said "To time before this callous moment," Perhaps you mean "To a time before this callous moment,"

Hugs you tight,
Eiregirl Arrow
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:46 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website  Reply with quote  
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic Reply to topic

Jump to:  


Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
LifeVita3

 

 



Search For Posters!


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

In Association with Amazon.com
     
Terms & Conditions Privacy Statement Acknowledgements