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Jazz Singer (F)

 LifeVita6
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wildinnash



Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 2
Location: Nashville 		Jazz Singer (F)

 Standing there looking as cool as you could be....

You're completely unaware of what that gaze is doing to me...

I sit in this corner sipping a beer...

You're the only thing in this room that's clear...

Everything else is just a blur...

Your voice is causing my electricitiy to stir...

The smoke and lights add to the intoxication of my mind...

My imagination flashes visions of you and I intertwind...

Your sexy voice hot against my ear...

My arms holding you, drawing you near...

I close my eyes to enjoy the images my mind provides...

For my mind is the only place our affair resides...

I open my eyes fearing they've been closed to long...

There you are singing your sweet song...

Your gaze flutters across the crowd to mine...

The fear rises that my eyes will give it away, give you a sign...

I blink and open them, your gaze is gone again...

My hearts aches knowing I'm not the subject of the songs you pen...

It's so unlike me to feel this way, it's just not right...

But baby I've felt it since that warm June night...

Girl, it's in your eyes, your smile, in your kind heart...

This is a love affair that will never end, never start...

Sipping on my beer...

The room not a single bit more clear...

Standing there as cool as you could be...

Still completely unaware of what that gaze is doing to me...

Post Thu Oct 18, 2007 7:08 am 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny

wildinnash,

First of all...Welcome to Mels and I hope you enjoy it here.

Secondly...Everything I say is my own personal opinion and it is only my opinion about this poem and has nothing to do with you personally at all.


That is a very very well done and well thought out poem. Very nice.

The only thing that slightly messed with the very nice flow of this poem is this line...
"The room not a single bit more clear..."

Perhaps if you removed "single" and added "was" between "room" and "not"

That is just one possibility.

Nice poem

Hugs,
Eiregirl Arrow
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
Post Fri Oct 19, 2007 4:12 am 
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