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Renaissance woman (poem)

 LifeVita6
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createmyself



Joined: 23 Aug 2007
Posts: 7
 		Renaissance woman (poem)

 Renaissance Woman




Bathed in dust and light

With layers of surprise

Of many moods

Sometimes wild, often stormy

Never less then majestic



Her domestication

A mark of shame

Had almost erased her instincts

But sometimes nets

Are superfluous



She slipped through its holes

Putting up the great façade of a

Camouflage artist.

But apart from the smoke and mirrors

Everything comes in multiples

Like the glorious chaos of

Freak accidents.



The overloading of senses

Leaves her edges exposed

In the vulnerable seascape

The sharks are circling

Entwining into the self indulgence

Of dreams

Like gray ghosts awaiting resurrection



She is a moral fable storytellers invented

But to them she is an oracle of falsehood

Leaving their engines stalled because they speak

Different dialects



But I am fluent to the truth within her fiction

I will walk down her cobbled street in

Eye popping darkness

Down the tight spiral staircases

Of her mind

And breathe her in like a yoga Master

Having the sublime vision of catching the sun

While eternally beholding the stars.
Post Thu Aug 23, 2007 4:16 am 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny

create,

Very nice poem

Welcome to Mels...I hope you enjoy it here

Disclaimer (everyone gets told this now)
For your information the following input by me is my own personal opinion and suggestions.
My opinion/suggestions are offered as constructive criticism so take nothing I say personally.
If changes are suggested everything possible will be done to maintain the integrity, meaning and intent of your work while changing as little as possible.
You asked for feedback and criticism. If you cannot handle criticism then you should not have asked for it. I am sorry if you do not like it or cannot handle it but it is what you asked for.
You may freely use anything or nothing that I suggest…that is up to you.
This is only my opinion and remember different people see things differently and this is how I see it.

Above I said this was a nice poem...well that is actually an understatement...it is wonderful and I loved reading it.

The flow of the poem was very good and the metaphors are excellent.

One little problem I see is here...
"Never less then majestic"
In this line "then" should be "than"

Well done
Hugs,
Eiregirl Arrow
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
Post Thu Aug 23, 2007 4:52 am 
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poeticrendezvous



Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 278
Location: IL

Createmyself,

I find myself wishing you had more than two poems posted. I really loved this one. I very much enjoy the way you write.
Post Sat Dec 29, 2007 6:46 pm 
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smart_cookie



Joined: 12 Aug 2006
Posts: 2310
Location: USA

I agree with Poetic. Lovely stuff. My favorite lines:

"Everything comes in multiples

Like the glorious chaos of

Freak accidents."


Arrow

Cookie
Post Sat Dec 29, 2007 7:36 pm 
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