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Poetry Forum Index -> Recovery Poetry

untitled [F]

LifeVita6
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Tracey



Joined: 30 Dec 2005
Posts: 1489
Location: Ayr, Scotland
untitled [F]

it's been a while since i've written anything and struggled with this, feedback would be much appreciated
it's about one of my alters who seems to have a crush on my new therapist (yep i'm back in therapy Sad )

So in happy and in love with Karen
Yet my alter is craving someone new
I tell her it’s a no go area
But she no listens to reason
She causes confusion in my head
She’s so happy she was noticed
Since she was recognised
Without an introduction
She believes something could happen
Not believing it won’t
Her idea of love is allowing abuse
Letting others use and abuse
Thankfully her target is trustworthy
Someone who is trying to help
Aiding our recovery from our past
I’m so aware of what could happen
Scared it will destroy the trust
Trust that has taken so long to build
Can be destroyed in a moment of haste


(c) T.Smith 2013
_________________
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

sometimes i wonder... ' why is that frisbee getting bigger'... and then it hits me

Post Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:59 am 
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MysteryGirl
Moderators


Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


Hi Trace, you asked me for some feedback, so just a few thoughts...technically I would change

So in happy and in love with Karen

to.....I'm so happy and in love with Karen......

and

But she no listens to reason

To....... she doesnt listen to reason....or..... but she's not listening to reason...

Just flows better

As regards content there is no need to say anything, you were able to very accurately convey what is happening for you and your emotions are valid. Keep writing it out, it helps, doesnt it?




HugZ, MG
_________________
Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Mon Mar 25, 2013 12:35 am 
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Tracey



Joined: 30 Dec 2005
Posts: 1489
Location: Ayr, Scotland
Re: untitled [F]

I'm so in happy and in love with Karen
Yet my alter is craving someone new
I tell her it’s a no go area
but she's not listening to reason
She causes confusion in my head
She’s so happy she was noticed
Since she was recognised
Without an introduction
She believes something could happen
Not believing it won’t
Her idea of love is allowing abuse
Letting others use and abuse
Thankfully her target is trustworthy
Someone who is trying to help
Aiding our recovery from our past
I’m so aware of what could happen
Scared it will destroy the trust
Trust that has taken so long to build
Can be destroyed in a moment of haste


(c) T.Smith 2013


Thanks Noni, i knew there was something but i couldn't work out what!
gonna show this to my therapist next time i see her
as you probably guess it's about her and my alter TS

xx
_________________
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

sometimes i wonder... ' why is that frisbee getting bigger'... and then it hits me

Post Mon Mar 25, 2013 7:27 am 
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