Yeeeeppp. The worst of the worst. But before I get into that, let me explain a little bit about myself and my recent situation.
I've always concidered myself a lesbian. I knew I was at LEAST into girls when I was in fifth grade (Insane, right?). Oddly enough, my first love was a boy. As was my second. I realized that I'm very rarely into boys. Very, very rarely. I just concider myself as..well...an open person. You love who you love, gender aside. Looks and sex comes second. But both of those relationships were ran into the ground, so that sort of told me to stick with my own gender. This last relationship ended in the beginning of this January.
And then a few weeks later came Kelsey. I had hated her before, for dating my close friend Lucas. I'm very protective over him. She asked me for a favor through an email and then I started talking to her online. I discovered she's alot like myself, asshole parents, bad relationships, and problems with being...that girl. The girl that comes in second place every time, chosen over someone prettier, smarter, sexier. That was a shock to me because, to be honest, the girl is stunning. At first, the first week or so, I felt the need to be a big sister to her. But then seeing her in person and talking to her, it's becoming much much more.
The problem is that she's straight. She knows that I'm a lesbian and she's completely cool with that. What gets me (and rather tortures me) is that she's comfortable, as most girls our age are, with sitting on my lap and calling me sweetie and love and all of that. Kelsey is what I'd like to call 'bi-comfortable'. At least I think. I hope not.
But there are those moments..where she'll say something completely flirty...Or does something flirty. Not that I mind. But it makes me wonder...does she have a crush on me, or a girlcrush, which is basicly a crush on the same gender even though you're straight. Like maybe she just looks up to me or something.
Its just that I've never felt this way before. Comfortable and excited at the same time? I mean, sure I've felt comfortable with people I've dated, and then I've felt butterflies with others. But never both at the same time, as odd as that sounds. That has to mean...something..right?
I'm just so uncertain and lost. This is the most I've felt in a long time, after being hurt in my last relationship. And I'm scared because when I fall, I fall hard. I'm really terrified because this is the type of girl that, if she asks for something, you have no choice but to bend over backwards to make her happy. And I'm the type of girl to willingly do that for a beautiful girl.
Help? Advice? Anything..? Please. :]
_________________ If this is giving up
then I'm giving up
giving up, on love
Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:45 am
Rankchrst
Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 13
you sound so cool and a lot like me in every word you write.. do u think maybe ur just emotionally tied to this straight woman or what.. Or you infactuated with her.. I dont know much about her life to really say much.. did she have both of her parents around.. sometimes when u dont have a mother u get attached to woman pretty easily, so i dont know this girls situation.. I know how i am because i had no mother.. feel free to read my post almost above yours-states fairly new-just take ur time with this straight woman.. see is she makes moves unto you first.. try ti beat around the bush with things and see her replies.. Ask her random questions and see her replies.. maybe she is bi curious-who knows.. gdluck
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