Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: las vegas, nv
Racheal, A poem (F)
*Before you begin reading, note that( i lost Racheal)and (i found Racheal) are headings, not part of the poetry. Also, ( i lost Racheal) is referring to my friend Racheal that i grew up with,and the heading(i found Racheal) is referring to Reese, from Seattle.
(I found Racheal)
I met a new Racheal
In Seattle
In the summertime,
And she had tattoos
of dragons
covering her forearms,
and a hangover that
would kill a horse,
if it drank too much
the night before,
and she laughed
and noticed me,
she helped a cute little lesbian
with a freshly shaved head
set up her booth
outside of Pike's Market at 10 am,
(I lost Racheal)
and i lost my old Racheal
somewhere between
her near attack
on a dark street
in Suburbia,
and her drunken punker days
kissing on pristine women
in low lit bars,
and i loved her,
(i loved Racheal)
i loved the scent of her hair
and i loved her
( i dreamed about Racheal)
i bet she thought
she'd never go that far
(I found Racheal)
it's Seattle,
we need coffee,
she laughs at my gawking at the hot surfer boys,
and we sell them lavender
against their best intentions,
but it's not against my will
that things didn't go too far,
and they're long haired,
and ocean beach blonde
and i'm nearly crazy just thinking of them,
and Racheal laughed at me,
we tried to match-make friends
that lived in different area codes,
and she explained to me
New York,
and why she left there,
her family
how they are fucked up,
so we paused,
and hugged ourselves
and smoked cigarettes
in the sudden cold....
(i lost Racheal)
we used to swim in our underwear
when her father wasn't home,
and dry them
like flowers
in the sun,
and we'd drink whiskey
talk of kissing,
and play old Jimi Hendrix records
on her stereo,
i was a bad girl,
she was a bad girl in training,
even to this day
her parents probably blame me
for her drinkin',
and i'd take her out
where she didn't know to go,
we'd take generic drugs
like yellow-jackets and no doze,
we were bad girls in training,
we were having a blast,
we were 14 and laughing
telling people to kiss
our tye-dyed ass,
but one day she disappeared,
probably livin'
down in Mexico,
drinking dark whiskeys
and smoking that good grass
come it rain or snow,
and i lost Racheal,
on some summer day,
somewhere between
our real lives,
and the crazy games we'd play,
and she must have been 19,
had 40 people die
close to her
including her cousin in Eugene,
and we lost contact
sometime after i stole
one of her boyfriends,
and i gave her my old guitar,
it really was never the same
after she got a nose job
and a brand new car,
(I found Racheal)
i set her up
on a date
with her grey haired 29 year old,
and she hid her face from the sun,
you'd be surprised
how many beautiful people
young and old,
flock to Seattle in the summertime,
and the sea if smelled of salt water and incense
her smile it looked fearless,
i felt like we were instant friends
but i left without another word,
just walked away,
she never heard,
and i saw Racheal in her,
i saw her roaming in her eyes
i had, had enough of salt water,
lavender pouches
and tender lies,
and she'll never know why i left her
randomly in the middle of the day,
but morning took a lot out of me
watching Racheal in her speak and sway,
so Seattle
i know you
with your windex,
your Racheal and your eyes,
but thinking back on Racheal's love
i think it's no surprise,
no, its no surprise
(I lost Racheal)
and i lost Racheal,
on some summer day,
somewhere between
our real lives,
and the crazy games we'd play,
and she must have been 19,
had 40 people die
close to her
including her cousin in Eugene,
and we lost contact really
sometime after i stole
one of her boyfriends,
and i gave her my old guitar,
it really was never the same
after she got a nose job
and a brand new car, _________________ Copyrighted Dana Anderson, 2007. Please do not use my poetry without my permission. Thank you for reading.
It is not a bad poem but it is not near as good as "Rotten Never Looked Fresh To Me".
Always remember this is only my personal opinion about the poem itself and nothing else.
I don't like seeing a lot of lines start with conjunctions like "and" or "but". If you could remove some of them I think this poem would be much much better.
Lets take this stanza for example...
"it's Seattle,
we need coffee,
she laughs at my gawking at the hot surfer boys,
and we sell them lavender
against their best intentions,
but it's not against my will
that things didn't go too far,
and they're long haired,
and ocean beach blonde
and i'm nearly crazy just thinking of them,"
If we removed "and" what would we have...
"it's Seattle,
we need coffee,
she laughs at my gawking at the hot surfer boys,
we sell them lavender against their best intentions,
but it's not against my will that things didn't go too far,
and they're long haired, ocean beach blonde
i'm nearly crazy just thinking of them,"
To me removing a few "and's" and combining a couple of lines makes this stanza a little better but that is only my opinion and you can take that for what its worth because everyone has an opinion and they are not all the same.
I still like the poem regardless.
Hugs,
Eiregirl _________________ All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are
Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine
These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
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