Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: las vegas, nv
Rotten Never Looked Fresh To Me, A poem (F)
you think you got women
hook, line and sinker.
with your five o'clock shadow
and your expensive cologne,
telling the other boys
you don't have to work that hard.
men like you,
make me crazy.
and i see through you,
i wouldn't eat you
if you were a hot italian dinner,
and i,
a starving dog.
because rotten,
never looked fresh to me.
you're always smiling,
a sleazy fake smile.
does your mother even recognize you?
always shining up
your big ball of nothing
trying to sell it as gold.
(plastic gold record,
fake teeth,
fake laugh,
across the street)
(and you rock the right clothes,
to meet the right girls,
go to the right clubs,
enjoy the right thrills,
but play boy,
i would never eat you,
i see through you)
you think you got women
hook, line and sinker.
with your five o'clock shadow
and your expensive cologne,
telling the other boys
you don't have to work that hard.
men like you,
make me crazy.
and i see through you,
i wouldn't eat you
if you were a hot italian dinner,
and i,
a starving dog.
because rotten,
never looked fresh to me.
you're always smiling,
a sleazy fake smile.
does your mother even recognize you?
do you even visit or is LA
and your dream world,
to far from the truth you know?
you are always trying to create
shiny glittery snow.
(with your plastic gold record,
fake teeth,
fake laugh,
always walk with a manly sashy,
reading poetry in some hip cafe)
(and you rock the right clothes,
to meet the right girls,
go to the right clubs,
enjoy the right thrills,
but playboy,
i would never eat you,
because playboy,
i see through you)
and rotten,
never looked fresh to me. _________________ Copyrighted Dana Anderson, 2007. Please do not use my poetry without my permission. Thank you for reading.
That is very nicely done. I have read this several times trying to see if there is anything I would change but I think you said what you wanted to say and did it very well. I like the way you refrained the stanza's and made slight changes to some of them. Very nicely done.
Hugs,
Eiregirl _________________ All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are
Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine
These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum