poetry, poems, poem, lesbian, lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, poetry critique, poetry critic, poem critique, 
poem critic, lesbian poetry critique, lesbian poetry critic, poem submissions, poetry submissions, poetry submission, 
lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry poetry, poems, poem, lesbian, lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, poetry critique, poetry critic, poem critique, 
poem critic, lesbian poetry critique, lesbian poetry critic, poem submissions, poetry submissions, poetry submission, 
lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry poetry, poems, poem, lesbian, lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, poetry critique, poetry critic, poem critique, 
poem critic, lesbian poetry critique, lesbian poetry critic, poem submissions, poetry submissions, poetry submission, 
lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry poetry, poems, poem, lesbian, lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, poetry critique, poetry critic, poem critique, 
poem critic, lesbian poetry critique, lesbian poetry critic, poem submissions, poetry submissions, poetry submission, 
lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry
BACK TO HOME PAGE SITE NAVIGATION CONTACT STORY FORUM GENERAL FORUM   Horoscope  Radio  Gallery  FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Register   Profile   PM's   
Log in 

Poetry Forum Index -> Request feedback

Rotten Never Looked Fresh To Me, A poem (F)

LifeVita6
  Author    Thread Post new topic Reply to topic
The Truth Be Told



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 8
Location: las vegas, nv
Rotten Never Looked Fresh To Me, A poem (F)

you think you got women
hook, line and sinker.
with your five o'clock shadow
and your expensive cologne,
telling the other boys
you don't have to work that hard.
men like you,
make me crazy.

and i see through you,
i wouldn't eat you
if you were a hot italian dinner,
and i,
a starving dog.
because rotten,
never looked fresh to me.

you're always smiling,
a sleazy fake smile.
does your mother even recognize you?
always shining up
your big ball of nothing
trying to sell it as gold.

(plastic gold record,
fake teeth,
fake laugh,
across the street)

(and you rock the right clothes,
to meet the right girls,
go to the right clubs,
enjoy the right thrills,
but play boy,
i would never eat you,
i see through you)

you think you got women
hook, line and sinker.
with your five o'clock shadow
and your expensive cologne,
telling the other boys
you don't have to work that hard.
men like you,
make me crazy.

and i see through you,
i wouldn't eat you
if you were a hot italian dinner,
and i,
a starving dog.
because rotten,
never looked fresh to me.

you're always smiling,
a sleazy fake smile.
does your mother even recognize you?
do you even visit or is LA
and your dream world,
to far from the truth you know?
you are always trying to create
shiny glittery snow.


(with your plastic gold record,
fake teeth,
fake laugh,
always walk with a manly sashy,
reading poetry in some hip cafe)

(and you rock the right clothes,
to meet the right girls,
go to the right clubs,
enjoy the right thrills,
but playboy,
i would never eat you,
because playboy,
i see through you)

and rotten,


never looked fresh to me.
_________________
Copyrighted Dana Anderson, 2007. Please do not use my poetry without my permission. Thank you for reading.

Post Fri Mar 23, 2007 3:00 am 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


Truth be told,

That is very nicely done. I have read this several times trying to see if there is anything I would change but I think you said what you wanted to say and did it very well. I like the way you refrained the stanza's and made slight changes to some of them. Very nicely done.

Hugs,
Eiregirl Arrow
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:45 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website  Reply with quote  
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic Reply to topic

Jump to:  


Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
LifeVita3

 

 



Search For Posters!


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

In Association with Amazon.com
     
Terms & Conditions Privacy Statement Acknowledgements