Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 17
Location: where am i again?
Wolves we are [F]
In my eyes a fire burns,
Slick and black my fur does wave,
The air I exhale turns into a howl of freedom,
Freedom to do as I wish to do and how,
My pack howls back to me in boundless joy,
A chorus filled with energy and unison,
We sing to the stars, the moon,
We sing to the oceans and air,
We sing the rage of life away,
And welcome love and serenity abundant,
Mighty we are! Mighty we always stand!
And you can love a creature of freedom! _________________ Away in the morning, back at dusk,
the silence to greet me, as I feel lonely without you, I can't find peace, in a wall of stone and chains, I’ve finally found a higher aim!
Welcome to Mels and thank you for sharing this poem with us.
I really enjoyed reading it and think it is a very nice poem.
You asked for some feedback...I don't have much time these days to give in great indepth feedback but maybe one day I will be able to do that. For the moment however...
In this line "A chorus filled with energy and unison," I think I would have made two lines out of that by spliting "energy" and "unison" into lines of their own.
In this line "And welcome love and serenity abundant," I think I would switch the words "serenity abundant" around to ready "abundant serenity".
Overall though I love this poem...love the subject and the imagery it creates.
Hugs,
Eiregirl _________________ All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are
Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine
These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:24 pm
smart_cookie
Joined: 12 Aug 2006
Posts: 2310
Location: USA
Shadowheart,
Wolves are a wonderful subject and I like your poem, though I have no nuts and bolts feedback for you, forgive me.
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