In the car
riding home from work
a casual ride with my mom
some simple music playing in the background
It was just like usual
until it all went wrong,
With one simple statement;
"I know you say you like guys, but I am beginning to think otherwise"
And I stared in misbelief
For I was only defining my own sexuality
And she had already solidified it.
When we finally completed the million mile long two blocks to my house
She forced me to talk, nearly chaining me to the kitchen table
That motherly glare that made me confess
The look and speech that sent me to a place of pure fear
"Im bi" I said to shut her up and end the suffering
Then she screamed in dissatisfaction
Saying "you shouldnt choose this now"
And "You should think and wait until your older"
Then "think of how this affects your family";
"Think about your sister...".
I started to cry and shake with anger
The tears burned my eyes
I told her I just was and I didnt know why.
I told her I couldnt change it and that she shouldnt try.
Covering up my pain
Three years out of the closet,
Things still going rough.
Another argument down the road
And she casually mensions "Its your choice"
I yelled sarcastically "Yeah I just chose to be gay!"
frustrated she replied "do you want to start with this?"
I cried aloud "yes, mom. I want you to know that I AM JUST ME! I didnt choose to be gay!"
She mumbles some more
And said she just wants me to be happy.
Then throws in that I shouldnt make this decision so early in life;
That Im not old enough to be 'gay' for sure;
Let alone declare myself in 'LOVE'
In love with a girl only two months after 'coming out'
She said that I just "blew up"
That I just went girl crazy.
She also claimed that I must not be a lesbian
She recalled the boys I had hung around with in the past
Mensions a painful memory of an ex boyfriend
Stinging my heart and slashing at my eyes
The tears came running againg
this time out of anger.
She said "he wasnt just a friend, so whats wrong with being bi?"
I told her "kissing is kissing"
She said "WHAT" in absolute disbelief.
I then told her, "mom I kissed him to cover up my true self"
"nobody had liked me, I needed som attention from someone..."
"I hated kissing him, he kept pressing for more. but I refused it"
She denied it all convincing herself that there was some chance
that her eldest daughter would still grow up and marry a prince charming...
Will she ever come to see me?
She doesnt believe me.
She doesnt Understand me.
She says she loves me no matter what.
She wont support my being gay.
She wont let me go to anyones house over night.
(again claiming 'its my choice')
She wont let me live a normal life
She blames me for my sister's pain.
She tells me Its my life, but I should be less public.
She tells me I must be private and quiet about my 'gayness'
She claims that I could be top of my class.
She says I could have it all
She also says that by openly dating a girl
I could lose it all.
-isnt it funny how even your loved ones can act towards you when they realize you are gay?-
needed to vent... just going through some bumps in the road.... thanks for your time. plz comment. _________________ All poetry by me, copywrited by me
Always keepin it real.
Lettin u know how i feel.
Writin' my poems
and posting 'em in forums.
-Take care everyone-
Krista O-+- <3 -+-O
Fri Mar 09, 2007 5:04 pm
desert-fish
Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted
It's important to find people and space where you can be who you are l-l....hope the road has smoothed out some
I agree with pale...find people and space where you can be who you are
Eiregirl _________________ All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are
Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine
These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:13 pm
lesb1an_luver
Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 30
Location: New York
Thanks to you both Eirie and Pale,
i will be going off to college soon. a good 5 1/2 hours away from this cold, single minded community. eh, what does it matter what they think right?
thanks 4 the support
Hugs You Both Tight _________________ All poetry by me, copywrited by me
Always keepin it real.
Lettin u know how i feel.
Writin' my poems
and posting 'em in forums.
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