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Walls

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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts
Walls

I'm new to the board. Constructive feedback would be greatly appreciated.... Thanks.


WALLS

The walls seemed so solid, firm and intact.
The strongest of mortar, nothing was lacked.
They’d keep out the evil, the heartless, the cruel.
So well protected, I’m nobody’s fool.

But along came the looters with lust in their eyes.
Conquest their game, surrender their prize.
They chip at the armor revealing its flaws.
Stopping at nothing, attack without cause.

A rush to rebuild the walls that are falling.
But the time it is slight, the sirens are calling.
The fortress has crumbled, the contents revealed.
Exposed to the harshness, no longer concealed.

The looters have taken all that’s treasured inside.
My shelter stripped bare, no place to hide.
I now wander in darkness, in shame and in fear.
I’ll rebuild my walls, not another soul will get near.

© 2006 Sunny. All rights reserved.
_________________
All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.


Last edited by Sunny on Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:10 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Mon Jun 19, 2006 1:56 am 
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Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


seansun,

Like I said in the emotional section...
I don't think this poem will get very much criticism.

Because to put it more bluntly and to say it plain and simple...it is damn good.

Eiregirl

Post Mon Jun 19, 2006 2:55 am 
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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts


Eiregirl,
Thanks so much for the boost. I've waited 45 years to write a poem. "Walls" was my first - my amatuerish attempt to find healthy forms of catharting, but it seems to be working. I've read some of your work and posts on style and will definitely continue to do so - I'm blown away by the knowledge and heart you share with the board. Much thanks for all you do!
_________________
All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.

Post Mon Jun 19, 2006 1:34 pm 
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Avant-garde



Joined: 20 Jul 2006
Posts: 2850
Location: NY


(((((((((((((((((Sunny))))))))))))))))))))


nice write,

smiles,
_________________
~poetry is the lover ,mine artistic soul, and the keeper of my tormented mind.

Post Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:05 am 
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Sunny



Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts


Geez Baby,
You've been doing some digging Shocked This is the first poem I ever wrote. I had no idea how delightfully this poem would affect my life. Now I can't seem to stop writing or talking in verse and rhyme.

((((((Baby))))))))


Have a wondeful day Arrow


Sunny Cool
_________________
All poems posted by Sunny: ©2006 - 2007 Sunny (UN: Sunny at melswebs.com). All rights reserved. Any unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. In other words, if you want to copy it, you need to get Sunny’s permission first.

Post Tue Sep 19, 2006 1:02 pm 
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Avant-garde



Joined: 20 Jul 2006
Posts: 2850
Location: NY


hee, hee...


smilies,
_________________
~poetry is the lover ,mine artistic soul, and the keeper of my tormented mind.

Post Tue Sep 19, 2006 7:58 pm 
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