poetry, poems, poem, lesbian, lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, poetry critique, poetry critic, poem critique, 
poem critic, lesbian poetry critique, lesbian poetry critic, poem submissions, poetry submissions, poetry submission, 
lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry poetry, poems, poem, lesbian, lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, poetry critique, poetry critic, poem critique, 
poem critic, lesbian poetry critique, lesbian poetry critic, poem submissions, poetry submissions, poetry submission, 
lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry poetry, poems, poem, lesbian, lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, poetry critique, poetry critic, poem critique, 
poem critic, lesbian poetry critique, lesbian poetry critic, poem submissions, poetry submissions, poetry submission, 
lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry poetry, poems, poem, lesbian, lesbian poetry, lesbian poems, lesbian poem, poetry critique, poetry critic, poem critique, 
poem critic, lesbian poetry critique, lesbian poetry critic, poem submissions, poetry submissions, poetry submission, 
lesbian poetry submission, lesbian poem submission, submit poetry, submit poem, submit poems, submit lesbian poems, submit lesbian poem, submit lesbian poetry
BACK TO HOME PAGE SITE NAVIGATION CONTACT STORY FORUM GENERAL FORUM   Horoscope  Radio  Gallery  FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Register   Profile   PM's   
Log in 

Poetry Forum Index -> Request feedback

my 2nd poem and I still luv feedback and tips

LifeVita6
  Author    Thread Post new topic Reply to topic
Virgo84



Joined: 21 Feb 2006
Posts: 4
Location: Ohio,USA
my 2nd poem and I still luv feedback and tips

Reflection

I know the smile you hide behind when your world falls apart
I reckognize the saddness of a guarded heart
I understand the fear of to love and to lose
the feeling of being torn, not wanting to choose
I watch the way you look when your all alone
Revealing the true emotions that are never shown
I sense the confusion and pain of a wounded soul
I have also felt that emptyness in never feeling whole
I too have tryed to make good memories last
While running from a horrifying past
Now we stand face to face, both asking who is she
As I stare in the mirror at a reflection of me

[/u]

Post Thu Feb 23, 2006 5:01 am 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


Virgo,

I like the poem and have some ideas for it...but must be going at the moment and will get back to it tomorrow.

Hugs,
Eiregirl

Post Thu Feb 23, 2006 6:26 am 
 View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website  Reply with quote  
Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


As I tell everyone…
Disclaimer
For your information the following input by me is my own personal opinion and suggestions (after all that is what you want and asked for).
My opinion/suggestions are offered as constructive criticism so take nothing I say personally since I may be blunt and to the point.
You may freely use anything or nothing that I have suggested that is up to you.

Line 2 “reckognize” should be spelled “recognize” and “saddness” should be spelled “sadness”
Line 3 consider removing “of” or insert a , after of “of,” leave as is and put “to love and to lose in quotation marks. Another possibility would be to revise lines 3 and 4
Something like…
“I understand being torn, not wanting to choose”
“I know the feeling behind, to love and to lose”
Line 8 “emptyness” should be spelled emptiness”
Line 9 “tryed” should be spelled “tried”


Otherwise another gem of a poem.

Eiregirl

Post Fri Feb 24, 2006 3:15 am 
 View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website  Reply with quote  
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic Reply to topic

Jump to:  


Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
LifeVita3

 

 



Search For Posters!


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

In Association with Amazon.com
     
Terms & Conditions Privacy Statement Acknowledgements