BACK TO HOME PAGE SITE NAVIGATION CONTACT POETRY FORUM STORY FORUM   Horoscope  Radio  Gallery  FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Register   Profile   PM's   
Log in 
 
General Forum Index -> Moans & Groans

I am such weaksauce

Ladies Lifestyle and Living Store
  Author    Thread Post new topic Reply to topic
cupcakes



Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 324
Location: NY
I am such weaksauce

dear ladies,
i am on my second night of not being able to sleep. I've had this mad crush on my friend for the past few weeks. Today I was going to tell her. I spend 3 hours alone with her, studying, and it was harder to confess than I thought it would be. I thought I was more confident than that, I thought I had grown up a bit, but nope...I am being a pathetic little girl about it. It's like I'm a virgin and it's my first crush all over again. What the neck?!

I don't know...I don't know...
This is silly. I'm even more infatuated with her now than before. It's a problem, and the worst part is: I'm just torturing myself. I'm doing it all to myself.
I'm paralyzed. Why?
On the one hand, I want to tell her. I begin to...start working my way up to it, but just when it's on the tip of my tongue, I start thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't. Then I get flustered and try to cover my tracks...I do it very poorly. Let's be real, I am a horrible and unconvincing liar. She's freaking on to me...surely she already knows!

Ok so let's break it down and analyze the shit out of my predicament:
this is what happened...when I met up with her, I was all ready to tell her the truth...that I'm sorry if I'm going to make it awkward, but I'm going to state the obvious. I've developed a crush on you, and I don't expect anything from you. but I hate it when after a few years of platonic friendship, a good friend springs it on me that he/she has been secretly in love with me. I hate that. It makes me feel betrayed, when I thought i was safe, then suddenly I find that all that time he/she was really waiting on the right moment to fuck me. So, I want to tell you now, that I'm a predator, I'm not benign and you're not safe from me. I'm not asking you out. I am not expecting any specific action on your part except that you be aware. the end.

See? I'd played out what I was going to say in my head a couple times already and was feeling pretty smooth, but when I arrived, she was just bursting to update me about her new almost gf that she acquired since I last saw her (a few weeks ago).
Shocked
Yea she was giddy and excited with fresh, new romance and it threw me off big time. and stupid me, I thought...oh that's so sweet, I can't say any of that stuff now, I have to give them time to work everything out, because new love is delicate and energy consuming. It'd be unfair to put this on Storm (that's the crush's name) now.

Wrong. wrong. I fail at being the alpha female. What does any of that have to do with me? nothing. Just because some other woman beat me to the kiss, why shouldn't I go for it too?

Ok then...she tells me she also slept with a former bf or love interest something. and I was like whoa! Well, first I was like "y'ick," then I was like "whoa. This girl is a p-i-m-p!"

She's got all sorts of num num happening all over the place. I mean... really?! I can't be confessing that I'm head over heels for her when I'm just another pretty plaything for her bursting toybox. I have to keep some dignity.

wrong again. I blew my dignity to smithereens, when to my horror, i hear myself saying that I have a crush that has "eclipsed all my other crushes." Yea, really really not smooth, bonnikins. I ended up talking about her, to her, while trying to pretend it wasn't her. What?
poor life choices.

And she was so on to me...she kept asking me questions about the crush and I kept tripping myself. What's she like? god, how am I supposed to answer that?

And then as if I hadn't put enough pressure on myself by calling her the "crush that has eclipsed all other crushes"...she says that I'm describing this girl as if I'm in love with her.

love is a big word to me. I'm not comfortable busting out the L word unless something pretty serious is going on. I'm old fashioned like that. So of course I was panicking at this point.

I was really unable to think clearly of focus on anything and I kept looking at my watch...like get me out of here, get me out of here or I'm going to spill the beans. I'm not good with secrets either.

So I escaped thinking that I'm cool and level headed enough to keep this all under control. That I don't need to bother her with silly confessions.
But if thoughts of her were a distraction before, now I'm stuck in full blown obsession mode.

I decided not to confess tonight. 1-email is the chicken's way and I'm too cool for that 2-because she's busy with schoolwork.

I'm supposed to be busy with schoolwork too. It's finals week. This is so inconvenient. I just want to be able to focus on my hw.

I don't want to interfere with her life. I want her to be happy doing whatever she does, while I'm happy in my own little world.
I don't know what I want, but I need to get my shit together and not let some silly girl-crush bring me to my knees.
I'm going to tell her.

Plan B: I'm going to hunt her down--preferably tomorrow. I'm going to print this post and just read it to her. That way, the moment I whip out this piece of paper, I'm committed to finish, no more backing down. I won't even have to think about it. Just read the words on the page.
Don't worry about what happens next.
Ay, my ego is taking a blow, because pretty girls make me weak.


Sincerely yours,
cUppy Exclamation

Post Thu Dec 09, 2010 9:40 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
wishonastar



Joined: 23 Jan 2007
Posts: 967
Location: Where I belong


((((((((((((((Cuppy)))))))))))))
Awww snackie food dont let her throw you off your game. good luck and let us know how it goes!

Hugs,
Star
_________________
I'm not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up, what I’ve been wishing for.

Down - Jason Woods

Post Fri Dec 10, 2010 4:59 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
cupcakes



Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 324
Location: NY


I told her Twisted Evil
It was a very nerve-wracking, exciting and fun night. I left feeling giddy and happy.
I don't know what's going to happen next...but something will Cool

Post Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:34 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
wishonastar



Joined: 23 Jan 2007
Posts: 967
Location: Where I belong


Yay!!!!!
way to take control. keep us updated!

(((((((((((((((Cuppy))))))))))))))))

hugs star
_________________
I'm not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up, what I’ve been wishing for.

Down - Jason Woods

Post Mon Dec 13, 2010 3:58 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
PipSqueak



Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England


Yay, well done, very brave! Think maybe you need to change the thread name now!! Fingers crossed for a happy ending. Smile
_________________
.............................................................
Previously PurpleUK Smile

Post Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:24 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic Reply to topic

Jump to:  


Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

 


Search For Posters!


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

In Association with Amazon.com
     
Terms & Conditions Privacy Statement Acknowledgements