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coming out...or not

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camino



Joined: 11 Aug 2009
Posts: 12
coming out...or not

my coming out took me 4 years. I had a girlfriend but none except my best friend were aware of my secret love.
everybody thought we are just friends. of course we heard rumours here and there, including our families.
Her family discovered us first. Her mother found some letters I have sent for her daughter…
4 years after that I was out of the city with two colleagues. Cant explain why but I had the courage to say: I’m into women.
Shock, they said: whatever makes you happy, we’re not against, still the same.
When we returned to our office, everything was normal, not bad comments, not even ignore. This helped me a lot.
At one night at Karaoke I have sung “I kissed a girl”. At the end I said on loud in front of (almost) all the team IS THE TRUTH.
I couldn’t believe myself the courage I had in that night (ok, maybe a few of those shots of tequila helped me a little)
At the moment, the pride flag has an important place where to stay on my desk, at the office. None is bothered. Everybody knows and I feel much better that two years ago when I joined the team and I had to hide myself.
At work was easy to say it loud, I didn’t cared to much. After all it is just a job.
At home the situation is the opposite. I am afraid to lose my family. My sisters know about me (I thought they are open minded), I have told them that I am in love and I have a great relationship with a great women.
Their reaction scared me like hell. If they reacted so bad, I cannot imagine how my parents will. I’ve decided to keep in silence (until I will be on my own and able to live alone). I am not ready to endure their rejection and see them daily…
I don’t like to lie them, but I know how disappointed they’ll be so…we have a quote in Romania: the pain you don’t know about…doesn’t hurt you…
_________________
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes

Post Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:53 pm 
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Eilidh
Moderators


Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880


((((((((((((Camino)))))))))))))

You have courage, woman! It is often easier to tell colleagues and friends than to tell our parents, but that still doesn't make it EASY. Telling our parents can be the greatest risk for so many reasons, not the least of which is that they are our parents! We can't replace them the way we can "replace" (find other) friends and colleagues.

You do bring up a good point, which can never be overstated: that is, to make sure you are financially independent before coming out to your parents, especially if you question their reaction. I have heard of high school students coming out to their parents, only to have their parents react badly, withdraw any educational support, and/or throw them out of the house! Yes, this is a worst-case scenario, but it is important to consider all of the possibilities.

Congratulations on all the coming-out work you've done so far! Your mention of the rainbow flag made me smile Very Happy Keep us posted with your plans.

~Eilidh

Post Thu Apr 08, 2010 5:10 pm 
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