BACK TO HOME PAGE SITE NAVIGATION CONTACT POETRY FORUM STORY FORUM   Horoscope  Radio  Gallery  FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Register   Profile   PM's   
Log in 
 
General Forum Index -> Moans & Groans

Is it possible?
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Ladies Lifestyle and Living Store
  Author    Thread Post new topic Reply to topic
Aphrodite



Joined: 04 Oct 2005
Posts: 566
Location: Hot Springs Ar
Is it possible?

Is it possible to want to settle down so badly that you can fool yourself into thinking your in love?

I love. There is no doubt in my mind, but after 4 years of being together. Having a child together one must ask...when is enough...enough?

When we have our good days, its amazing. Im on top of the world. She takes very good care of me financially and that is new. I always supported my partners. Ive never been a stay at home mom. Hard to adjust to. A lot harder than I expected. Never having my own money but given everything I need so I cant really complain. Just an adjustment. Like...my daughter will be 12 on Easter and I must wait till she can get her a present and prey we have enough to over night it.

I got off course...sorry about that.

She takes very good care of me financially. The sex is amazing..even if it is only a couple of times a mth. But what about spiritually (she is Christian and I am Pagan) what about mentally. Is there realy a relationship that can have all 4 for the rest of your life? Or am I setteling because I know with her my family will always be safe?

I love my partner. She calls me her wife. I cant imagine spending my life without her...and she says the same. Yet...she wont set a date for the actual wedding. The way she speaks to people is so disrespectful. Though I understand its how most people talk to each other in this town. (why I dont fit in and cant find friends here). After four years I would expect her to know that I am sensitive to that tone of voice and the way she talks to me when she is in a foul mood. Even if I am not the reason she is upset. If she is pissed then she has to ruin everyone elses day as well. She admits she doesnt know why she does it but also says she cannot change.

I dont want her to change. I just expect for us both to make adjustments. All couples have to make adjustments and I think that after all the bs I have put up with I deserve to be spoken to with respect. Not the way she talks to her friends but with a little love...even when she spills her coffee (what started her bad mood and our fight this morning).

There are so many people inside her head. So many personalities, I find myself latley, loosing patience. I dont want to leave her. Again...I cant imagine my life without her or our daughter or my new stepson. (I say OUR daughter and so does she but she will make no legal arrangements). I just dont know how much more my self esteem can take.

I tell her all the time how wonderful she is and how proud of her I am. How much better my life is since Ive been with her. Why cant she do the same for me. On her good days...I feel like a goddess. On her bad days...I cant do anything right. I dont raise the kids right, I dont take care of the dog, I dont take care of the house right...you get the idea.

Its never going to change and on this, one of our bad days, I feel completley alone and lost.
_________________
I have no fear
fear is the mind killer
I will face my fear, I will let it pass through me

Post Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:42 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
SWAY



Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY


Aph,

I have been in that boat before...and that's when you question if love is enough...you must remember though, you have to do what is best for you and yours...what will make you happy, that's what is important in this life.

Hugs,
SWAY
_________________
Giving myself to others has made me jaded...

Post Fri Apr 02, 2010 5:03 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
wys2uways



Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 272


SWAY,
If I may ask,
what did you wind up choosing when you were in that boat?
Just curious.

Post Fri Apr 02, 2010 5:24 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
SWAY



Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY


wys,

When I was in that boat.....I ended up choosing to be happy, to go my own way instead of staying in a situation where I was miserable. I wanted it to work out in the worst way..thought I was gonna marry the girl, but things happened and things changed...and I walked away because I couldn't take the pain of staying and not being appreciated for who I am or what I did for her.

My advice is follow your heart, but listen to what your head has to say. For me, I loved, but I needed more than that, I needed to be able to be me and not walk on eggshells.

There's my experience...hope it helped...

SWAY
_________________
Giving myself to others has made me jaded...

Post Tue Apr 06, 2010 1:09 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
camino



Joined: 11 Aug 2009
Posts: 12


hello Aphrodite.
I was in the same situation you are. a 4 years relationship with an amazing women. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
sometimes we fight a lot and she was totally different. sex was great, no complains about that. also financially she helped me a lot.
but I had to choose because I wasn’t 100% happy. I choose to give us a second chance: we had a looong conversation about our relation, out behaviour...after that things were good but not for a long time.
I have decided to get over it. I left behind 4 years, the girl I love...I focused to other areas.
now I am proud that I don’t depend on someone anymore, I have a normal relationship (almost because still not decided to live together and still "dating" outside). I feel appreciated and respected and more than anything loved even when I do something wrong. (after all, who's perfect?!)
I don't like giving advices, but if I have to live the same I did, I will defo choose for the second chance.
_________________
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes

Post Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:36 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger  Reply with quote  
Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


The only thing you can do my dear sister is listen to your heart...No matter how happy or difficult the message.
_________________
Never again

Post Wed Apr 14, 2010 1:52 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
Moonshine



Joined: 16 Jan 2008
Posts: 470


Be blessed for the heartbreak for that shows the true nature of love. Feel honored that the gods bestowed such an amazing passion in you. Though I spent all night crying and wondering how long it would be before she returned to me...I am blessed with the memories of heaven.

I do know that every heart break is a blessing. It teaches us. Makes us stronger. I will always feel blessed because of that and truly because the memories of all the good times we had will remind me that love is out there. It surrounds us in every waking moment. Love for our friends, Love for our kids, Love for our parents, Love for our selves and love for our partners. Love is everywhere. Everywhere we look there is a little piece of heaven around us. I am grateful for the heartbreak for at least it reminds us that we are alive and that we will always find love again.

Have faith my love. Have faith in yourself. Have faith in the gods and the path that they have set you on. Have faith in love for love is stronger than any magic the world has to offer and that my dear...is worth fighting for.


Aphrodite, these words might sound familiar because YOU wrote them amongst some other posts in Mels. I saved them because they affected me so profoundly at a time when I needed to hear them. Aphrodite you have found a woman whom you love more than you have loved before, I'm guessing, but it doesn't mean there won't or can't be one you will love even more some day. But as you let this situation progress, especially if its progressing the way you indicate, then you will let it erode the part of you that is filled with sunshine and childlike joy. She doesn't want to drain you necessarily, but you will let it happen. You can sit down and talk with her about it or you can up and leave. Whichever decision you make will be the right one for you. But if you do walk away, I thought you should have a look at some of the wonderful words you posted to another here in Mels.

Hugs

Moon xxx
_________________
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. --Leonardo da Vinci--

Post Sat Apr 17, 2010 4:53 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
Aphrodite



Joined: 04 Oct 2005
Posts: 566
Location: Hot Springs Ar


As tears stream my face I feel even more blessed to have such amazing friends.

Jules and Sway my oldest and dearest friends, your words ring clear. With her...I gave up a lot of myself. I have felt lost in the past couple of months. I had stopped praying because we are not of the same faith. In fact I stopped my studies altogether.

I stopped working. I have not worked in a year so that I could be a stay at home mom. I feel helpless and scared. I cant pay my bills I cant even buy a pack of smokes, she does that. She puts minutes on my phone. I gave up my independence. Even if I left...how would I support my family? I was so strong. I was always the one to take care of everyone else and now my life and my sons life are in the hands of another. I don't know where to begin in gaining that strength back. Jobs are hard to find and I am not eligible for unemployment. I'm no longer sure I can take care of my family without her support. There has been no one in my life that worked it was always me. I suppose I jumped at the chance to have someone that was stable but in exchange I lost myself.

Moonshine- Your words hit hard. Perhaps in order to find that strength again to make the final decision of what I should do I should read my own words again.

Leaving her may not be the answer but finding myself again.

Thank you all. You are loved and greatly appreciated.
_________________
I have no fear
fear is the mind killer
I will face my fear, I will let it pass through me

Post Sat Apr 24, 2010 5:24 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
wys2uways



Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 272


I think it all lies in your phrase

"Leaving her may not be the answer but finding myself again"

I think that, in finding yourself, it will become clearer if you are to leave her or not.

Finding yourself will be the strength you need to face the truth.

Who knows?

It may even strengthen your relationship.

I think you are at the beginning of the journey.

Post Sat Apr 24, 2010 5:59 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


My dear sister...It's amazing how we find ourselves in this position in life, isn't it? There are times in our lives when we need someone to take care of us, someone to handle everything in the outside world as we are burnt out from it all, I've been there myself. Perhaps this was how you found yourself when you decided to stop working and concentrate on your family. Perhaps now though you have healed through that part of life and are ready to face the world again? More than anything you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. A part-time job may be in order to make you feel more accomplished. Do not let yourself feel though that being a full time mom means you work any less than she just because she gets paid for it.
I'm always around if you need to talk...PM me if you lost my cell...
Blessed Be dear one...
_________________
Never again

Post Mon Apr 26, 2010 10:11 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
SWAY



Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY


Aph,

I think you are on the right path...find what will make you happy, in your heart, and go with it. Be true to yourself, find yourself amongst all the chaos, let yourself be heard...if that makes any sense. If you listen to yourself, you will eventually know what's right, eventually know the answers to your questions..follow your heart, but listen to your head...and as always, lean on those who are there for you Smile

Hugs,
SWAY
_________________
Giving myself to others has made me jaded...

Post Tue Apr 27, 2010 1:47 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
Aphrodite



Joined: 04 Oct 2005
Posts: 566
Location: Hot Springs Ar


I worked two days this week at the marble shop. (Got to drive the fork lift. lol. that was fun) My son is soon to be diagnosed with autism and the people that I have been talking to think that it may be a better idea if I wait until the fall and only work during school hours. It felt good to work those few hours but the stress of dealing with my son and what is going on has got my nerves shot and even more confused as to what I should do. I'm not so sure she would be able to handle raising a child with autism. She has been having a hard enough time just with the ADHD. So have I for that matter. I am looking into parenting classes to get some ideas on how to handle the stress but there are none in Hot Springs. But at the same time even if I can get him on disability if I can only work during school hours that wont be enough to live as a single mom. Especially if is aggression gets any worse.

Much that is going on and much to ponder. A lot has gone on this week that has made things even harder to figure out what is best for me and my family.

Thank you dear ones. If you have any ideas on how to keep your cool at the most frustrating times of autism I would greatly appreciate it . I fear my patience has run thin and though I know he cannot control himself it is still hard to cope. Now...I'm scared and not sure where to go from here.
_________________
I have no fear
fear is the mind killer
I will face my fear, I will let it pass through me

Post Thu Apr 29, 2010 6:36 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


Well my sister...My daughter was diagnosed with autism at the age of five. I was devastated...Then the school tested her and I was even more upset. You would have thought that the reports were talking about a vegetable instead of my beautiful red-headed little girl. It took me a long time to recover from that diagnosis.
The elementary school recommended an IEP (individual education program if I remember correctly) Which included one-on-one teaching, a "shadow" a teacher's assistant who stayed with her all day. She also had sensory training and speech therapy. I took all the help they wanted to give, after all, schools get more funding for children coded with disabilities...
Mickaela thrived with her shadow and developed a very close relationship with her. She also did very well with the sensory therapy.
Long story short...my little girl will be 14 in September (how time FLIES) and she's amazing. She still has some issues responding correctly in certain situations. She also still has NO fear of strangers which bothers me a great deal and can't make a decision to save her life but she is the funniest little book worm you would ever want to see.
This, especially when the diagnosis is new, can be very difficult to deal with. It can be hard to know how to respond, when to let them go and when to try to teach them. For example, I completely gave up going to stores on Saturday mornings or any other busy time of the day. Too much stimulation makes mom's life a living hell. She couldn't process so she acted out which in turn upset the other kids which got me completely stressed out. So, we did things early in the morning when it's quiet. We used hula hoops to learn about personal bubbles and how close to get to someone you don't know. It's all a learning process my sister. You will learn what works for you, your son and your family. The best thing you can do is read. I have heard families that have made huge stride with special diets.
As always my dear friend, if I can do anything to help, I'm here.
_________________
Never again

Post Thu Apr 29, 2010 11:39 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
Aphrodite



Joined: 04 Oct 2005
Posts: 566
Location: Hot Springs Ar


Thanks Jules. That helps a lot. Everything was already complicated and now this? It changes everything on if I should leave my partner or not. I will not be able to support him alone. I know this.

I asked her this morning if she was happy with me, with my role in this family. Her response was "I'm not unhappy" but she knows that I am unhappy in my role. How could I not be when she is so critical of everything I do? I feel like nothing I can do is right. She doesn't even know that she is doing it. She also feels like nothing she can do is right. I know that the financial struggles we are having is the cause of most of it. Which of course makes me feel even more guilty. I need to go back to work in order for me to be happy but...well...jobs are hard to find, especially with limitations like I am having to do for my son.

We are arguing more and more. They are stupid arguments. I cant talk to her because she feels I have no reason to be stressed. I should just take care of the house and let her take care of everything else. That would be great but how am I not supposed to be stressed? I take med's for anxiety for a reason. Now not only am I worried about all the bills I have aquired while out of work (she takes good care of us but forgets that I too have bills that have to get paid) but the strain of my son as well.

At the same time...no one else in the world would put up with me. I am very hard to live with and add an autistic son on top of it? If I thought that I could take care of him alone I would say screw relationships. I have more important things to worry about. I'm so tired of arguing and at the same time...I still love her more than I have ever loved anyone. Even LoCe doesn't compare. All who knew her knows how passionatley I felt towards her. This feeling I have for Crystal goes beyond anything I have ever felt. We are complete opposites which till now was perfect. We compliment each other well.

Any suggestions on how I can stop taking everything so personally and stay off the defensive when she critisizes? Sorry, my spelling sucks today.

Blessed be dear sisters
_________________
I have no fear
fear is the mind killer
I will face my fear, I will let it pass through me

Post Fri Apr 30, 2010 3:28 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
Jules



Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home


It sounds to me like you already have your answer dear one you just need a bigger reason to validate it? It's never easy...Goddess knows... There will always be issues that you either need to work through yourself or need to work through together. I'm having some pretty bad jealousy issues myself these days. I trust her and I know I can trust her but just the same I feel it creeping over me.
Perhaps this is a life lesson that must be gone through in order to reach a higher place in your life? I wish I had the answer...This is something only you and your heart can solve my dear...Just don't completely lose yourself in the process.................
_________________
Never again

Post Mon May 03, 2010 11:51 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic Reply to topic

Jump to:  
Goto page 1, 2  Next

Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

 


Search For Posters!


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

In Association with Amazon.com
     
Terms & Conditions Privacy Statement Acknowledgements