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too scared to say it

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lina



Joined: 17 Aug 2008
Posts: 50
too scared to say it

after being thinking around i finally desided to let it out and ask for help.
I'm desperate I dont know what to do I have these feelings obout women but I cant tell anyone I'm afraid of what people might think about me besides all my family is christian I myself grow up in a christian church, but about 4 years I started to have those feelings I tried not to think about that and believe me I CRIED A LOT I dont wanted to be diferent I just wanted to be a "normal girl" now I know I can't change who I am, though I dont know what am I going to do I may be gonna have to live in the closet for the rest of my life I just can't tell anyone Im to scared,the only thought of telling my mom and dad that I'm a lesbian it freaks me out I think I need some advices can anyone out there tell me what should I do. PLEASE.

Post Fri Aug 22, 2008 1:24 am 
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning
Lina

I can't tell you what will work for you... but believe me many of us have been there... All I can do is tell you a bit of my story... I was raised in a Christian Church... went off to college and met someone... she was a girl, and I finally could not deny my attraction to her and that I had not had attraction to boys, even though I had dated. I finally could put to words the diffences in me. We had a wonderful relationship for almost two years, but we also faced an incredible amount of hatred from others... through problems with floor mates, we changed rooms countless times, we got threatening phone calls from a minister who is now quite notorius for bashing gays and the military, we were kicked out of the church we were members of, my car was spraypainted with obsenities.... I was terrified. After she and I broke up over the stress of it all, I ran back into the closet that I had barely peaked out of. I stayed in that closet, misserable, as I tried to be 'normal'. I got married, had two beautiful daughters... Finally 4 or 5 years ago I finally came out again... Was it worth being miserable for all those years, NO. But I do have my daughters to show for it and I wouldn't change that for the world. And this time out things are much easier... society is getting more and more accepting.

So.... chin up, smile.... you have to decide how long you want to be miserable and living a lie...
_________________
Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Mon Aug 25, 2008 12:48 am 
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lina



Joined: 17 Aug 2008
Posts: 50


I think I'm going to live in there for a while i have to figure out how im going to say it, and i whant to be prepare for the reaction of my family and friends I don,t feel ready to tell them.

Post Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:44 am 
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


Tha tis fine... just remember that when you do tell them you have had however long to get used to the fact that you are a lesbian... they have not had anytime at all. They may say somethings that if they had time to reflect they wouldn't have. Give them time to get used to it, just like you a taking time to get used to it yourself.
_________________
Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:48 am 
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lina



Joined: 17 Aug 2008
Posts: 50


it was not esy for me to acepted it and still isn't so I know is not going to be easy for them eather

Post Thu Aug 28, 2008 3:04 am 
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Karigan



Joined: 02 Feb 2008
Posts: 59


All I can say is be true to yourself. Accept who you are. Cause when you hit my age (42) and find that you have lived a lie most of your life, you will slowly start to lose it. I have a family, husband, whom I could never hurt now. But if i accepted myself when i was younger, I would be a happier person today.

Take a long hard look at yourself. Please don't make the mistakes I did.

Post Fri Aug 29, 2008 2:03 am 
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lina



Joined: 17 Aug 2008
Posts: 50


Twilight - Karigan
Thanks for rading my post I really appreciate that you took the time to read it and the words you gave me, I want you to know that, little by little Im accepting-me the way I am as I said is not easy but the good thing is that I love myself, and by that I know that doesn't matter who I am or what my sexual preference is Im jus the way I am and i know that I can't change anything.

Post Wed Sep 03, 2008 1:17 am 
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sariah



Joined: 08 Jun 2008
Posts: 11
Location: Midwest USA


lina,
Seems like we're in a similar place, although I don't feel as scared anymore. My family is all christian and wouldn't understand my homosexual attractions. I've kind of decided that I'm not going to worry about that right now. I've just recently "come out" to myself, and I'm still sorting through all that. For 15 years I've been running from this aspect of who I am, and punishing myself the entire time. I've gotten myself into some pretty terrible stuff, all in an attempt to try to be heterosexual, to be normal, to be what everyone expects me to be. Well, I'm tired of running from the fact that I'm homosexual. I'm tired of trying to prove to myself that I am not attracted to women. I'm tired of trying to fit in with everyone's expectations of me. Finally admitting to myself that I am homosexual felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

I still don't know what I'm going to do about the fact that I am homosexual, but my first task is to learn to accept and love myself for who I really am. This is something I could not do as long as I was refusing to acknowledge the fact that I was homosexual. I think I need work through my own homophobias and learn to just be myself before I come out to people who I know are going to throw the mother load of criticism and hate on me. If I'm not secure and accepting in my identity before I come out to my family, I'll probably buckle. So I'm just focusing on myself right now and trying to find another "family" who is supportive and accepting of who I really am before I tell my birth family that I'm the kind of person they despise Rolling Eyes .

So my advice (which is limited because I'm pretty much in the same place as you are), is to learn to accept yourself and to build yourself a support network of people who accept you for who you are. Leave off telling people who you know aren't going to be supportive until you are more secure and supported in who you are. (And I don't think there's a rule that you ever HAVE to tell, either....it's about what YOU want to do and how much YOU want to share with others.)

All the best in this journey!!!
- sariah

Post Wed Sep 03, 2008 5:21 pm 
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