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My daughter and Partner

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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning
My daughter and Partner

I am going to be hooking up romanticly with the woman who was my best friend when I had my oldest daughter. I was trying to fit society image at that time so trying to be straight. She was not ready to come out of the closet, yet. So no there was no romance then. Now that we have remet on line, well, we can't wait to see each other when she is out of school. Insert the problem... My oldest is so afraid of getting hurt she is being outright rude about the situation. My exes have made her bitter, I understand that. She doesn't want to get hurt and doesn't want to see me hurt again. She cannot understand how I can do trust this girl enuf to consider letting this woman move in with us. How do you explain to someone that has not even had a boyfriend that sometimes you do things not cause they make sense, but because you heart tells you to. I am trying to be patient and wait till after my luvvy is here to let her warm up and all, but sometimes it is so frustrating. I have told my daughter that this woman will not be disciplining her. I understand there is amount of trust that must be established b4 that will happen. I also told my daughter that she must bite be civil towards her. I do not allow my girls to be rude to any adults. Has anyone dealt with kids who do not like your new partner>
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Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Sun Mar 09, 2008 1:32 pm 
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nobodysangel



Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Posts: 429
Location: TN
huumm..

Sorry that nobody has replied to this thread yet..it is a good topic..one that I'm sure most of us has went thru already or will go thru in the future..I, too, did what society expected of me..got married and had a child..that child is now 17 years old..her dad and I divorced when she was 10..I had met and fell in love with a woman..I could not lie to myself any longer..so that was the beginning..my daughter was old enough to understand that sometimes things don't work out between mom's and dad's..we both sat her down and told her that just because we were not going to live under the same roof that did not mean that we would not always be her parents..she took it well...my then gf had 3 daugthers of her own..that made the situation even more tricky..her girls had never had an authority figure in their young life..so they took to me right away...I had what I always wanted, a family..I had my 4 girls..there was bickering and fighting in the beginning..we kept out of it unless bloodshe was involved..the girls grew to love each other...I was mom to her 3 girls..did the same for them that any parent should do..she did for mine as well..my daugther took things well so I guess I was lucky...we went on to have a son together ..he will be a year old on march 16..we are not togehter anymore. for reasons that I won't get into..other than things just were not working anymore..I have since met someone new and have fallen in love with her..She talks to my daughter and my daughter talks to her..I feel that they have a very good relationship..my daughter calls her her cali mom...My new gf has no children of her own..just nieces and nephews..I can tell that she will make a wonderful mom someday..Just give your daugther time to adjust to having someone new in the house..give her time to see that your new girl won't hurt you or her....if you or her have suffered physical abuse in the past she willl be more leary..as she should..that is something no child or adult should have to endure....tell her that you love her above all else..want for her to be happy...ask her to give your new love a chance..ask her to be fair...then just give it time...time, patience and communication will be key..good luck on the start of your new journey and your new family.. Arrow naughty
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Riding the single train, and loving every minute!!

Post Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:13 am 
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


My oldest turns 13 today. Last night when I talked to my long distance Hunny, we talked about me needing to focus on my daughter today. I will call her before I get home from work and then the rest of the day belongs to my daughter. My Hunny knows that ift is important that the girls have their time with me too.
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Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Tue Mar 11, 2008 10:33 am 
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MdmPrez



Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Posts: 803
Location: US of A
twilight

First off, I'm not a parent. But in reading your story it occurred to me maybe your daughter does make some sense here. Bringing 'this person' to move right in with you all, does sound hasty. Why not have her take an apartment and ease into the relationship, not only with you but your kids too. Maybe that would be the same advice you would give your daughter if the situation were reversed.

Just remember, if it's real love, it will keep and grow whether you share the same house or not.

Good Luck,

Cat

Post Tue Mar 11, 2008 5:41 pm 
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lemons



Joined: 12 Feb 2006
Posts: 964
Location: here ... with her <3


Hi .....

I'm not a parent, but moved in with my gf last July. She has a 10 yr old son (he was 9 at the time). The divorce was rough on him so she was careful when we started to get serious. We met online so he was able to "meet" me thru the web cam a few times. I lived in another state & came to visit a few times. We never planned on me moving so soon, but circumstances changed for me back home & the love we felt propelled us forward. Is this always right for everyone? No .... but I think my point is if you are able to get through to your daughter that she is loved beyond a doubt & will still be important to you, hopefully that will soften her to your new gf. While you wait for her to move ... can she come visit at all? I think that would help too. I had some rough times when I first moved in with her son. It's 8 months later .. and kids r kids & nothing is perfect, but it's much better. He's learned who I am, what my boundries are ... the hard way at times, but in the end in his way he loves me & respects me.

I wish you the best in this part of your journey in life!
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"No smile is more beautiful than one that has struggled through the tears" ~Unknown

Post Tue Mar 11, 2008 11:14 pm 
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


We are trying to not be in my daughter's face about our sappy luv. I take time to spend with my girls and not to text or talk to her during that time. She really understands. She will visit for a week in May. And will not be moving until sometime in June. We hope that my dsughter eases up a little over time. We understand that her fears are valid, and my Hunny will get her own place if necessary. One of the greatest benefits of that two months is that we can talk about things, lots of things. Everything.
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Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Sun Mar 16, 2008 5:22 am 
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karatekezza



Joined: 02 Mar 2008
Posts: 66
Location: Stockport


Awww i have only just seen this thread. It sounds like things are looking better for and your daughter. Talking is very important and it seems you have everything in order, it's lovely. It's so hard when kids are involved. My eldest boy is 10 and sometimes he can be so naughty when i have a visitor let alone a girlfriend. He just plays up, cheeks me and has silly little tantrums that i would expect my four year old to have.
He is getting better and i find that if whoever it is that i have round talks to him and involves him with things he is okay and does what i tell him...for instance bed time ect.
I really wish you the best of luck with everything. Smile

Post Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:15 am 
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