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General Forum Index -> Coming Out....

Do you ever try to hide yourself at work?
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


I am going to answer this question twice. Why cause I have my past situation and my current situation to relate. Both are so vastly different that I can see both sides of this issue.

Answer one:
When I was in college I had my first girlfirend. I was an elementary education major. We tried to keep it hidden as much as possible. We had heard the warnings that once I was teaching I would not be able to be out since until I was tenured I could be fired with out cause. It wasn't easy and eventually were were outed on our dorm floor. That led to switching rooms and floors several tiems. Before it was said and done I was recieving threatening phone calls from Fred P*h*e*l*p*s (radical, extemeist who protests gays, lesbians, soldier funerals, etc.) The relationship could not survive. The harrassment did survive tho. I got called into the student teaching dean's office because of his calls. It was enough to scare me into the closet for 10 years. I barely admitted it to myself, let alone to my husband, friends, or family.

Answer two:
I am very out, but I am not going to put it in your face if it will offend you. But then I wouldn't put sex talk (straight, bent, or otherwise) in someone's face if it was to offend them. Most people at work know, but we don't discuss what any of us do in our bedroom. The couple of people at work who don't know would be so offended that I just don't want to provoke them (one of them is not mentally stable so it might actually be dangerous).

Conclusion:
It should be a situation decision. And if you can't live with the decision, then change the situation.
_________________
Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:16 pm 
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Eilidh
Moderators


Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880


quote:
Originally posted by twilight:
Before it was said and done I was recieving threatening phone calls from Fred P*h*e*l*p*s (radical, extemeist who protests gays, lesbians, soldier funerals, etc.)


Wow, twilight! You were getting phone calls from the man himself?!

quote:
Originally posted by twilight:

Conclusion:
It should be a situation decision. And if you can't live with the decision, then change the situation.


I really like this quote. It says a lot about being responsible for one's own actions.

~Eilidh

Post Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:58 pm 
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


Eilidh--ya, phone calls from the man himself. And his wife and his kids. It was in his early days. I went to college less than 30 minutes from his home. I had to turn in my answering machine tapes to the cops each week. Nothing really came of that though, since they were not threatening, just harrassing. Harrassment laws were very vague at the time to really pursue prosecution.

It is truly the way I try to live my life. We make decisions (big and small) based on the situation we are in. And if we don't like the decision that the situation demands then we must change the situation. In this case with being out at work.... I was in a situation in which the decision to not be out at work was directly decided by my job situation. Now that I am no longer in that field (changed the situation) then I can make a different decision.
_________________
Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Mon Mar 17, 2008 1:28 am 
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srggrl



Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Posts: 38


Thank you so much, everyone, for all of your replies! It's frustrating, to me, that other people even think for a second that they have a right to judge others in any way whatsoever. Judgement that makes other people feel like that have to live their own life in secret. I mean, seriously, we can choose who we love.. and that's just it... we are LOVING someone. We aren't hurting others, and we aren't taking anything from anyone.. So, why do we have to be afraid of being who we are? Why can't we just "be" without any judgements or hateful remarks?

I wonder how many women could have amazing relationships if we could all just be openly honest. I read about so many women (myself being one of them) who really like someone, but are afraid of saying anything because they are afraid of being judged just in case the person isn't gay... And the sad thing is, the other woman might be interested too... just both too scared to say anything!

Our world is a crazy place!

Post Wed Mar 26, 2008 5:58 pm 
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Eilidh
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Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880


quote:
Originally posted by srggrl:
I wonder how many women could have amazing relationships if we could all just be openly honest. I read about so many women (myself being one of them) who really like someone, but are afraid of saying anything because they are afraid of being judged just in case the person isn't gay... And the sad thing is, the other woman might be interested too... just both too scared to say anything!


As spoken-word artist Alix Olson says:

"i believe there are too many lonely lesbians looking for a lover
and if some would lift their cool masks maybe they would find each other."

One of these days I'll stop quoting Alix ... but today's not that day Wink

~Eilidh

Post Wed Mar 26, 2008 6:02 pm 
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backdraft



Joined: 30 Mar 2008
Posts: 3


I have keept it to myself for over 30 years, and with my first job as a Fire fighter it would not pay for me to tell anyone so I have no lovers had my my eyes on few but must stay hidden

Post Sun Mar 30, 2008 5:57 am 
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srggrl



Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Posts: 38


Backdraft, that's terrible!!! Actually, I believe I know a girl just like you. I am positive that she is gay.... but she just chooses to live her life alone rather than find someone and face the "idiots" who may or may not judge her. It makes me sad and angry to think that our world is like that!!! You deserve to love someone and be loved just as much as the next person, and I hope you know that. :)Why have you chosen to live that way? Are you afraid of what people will say? Or are you afraid of what family might think... ? Or, are you just afraid to find a woman and ask her if she is gay? The last reason would be my life story! I have my eye on someone, but I'm just afraid of looking like a fool. Why can't we just be brave, and welcome some happiness into our lives?

Post Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:15 pm 
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quirkz



Joined: 03 Apr 2008
Posts: 11
Location: Los Angeles, CA


I don't necessarily hide it but I won't come out to my boss cause she's just a boss. She's not a friend. I hear her speaking about people she knows are gay/bi and she's one of those who will talk about her dislike of it when she's around 'straight' people like me. I'm always very passive on such items, I don't care for her much so it's not of importance as to whether she knows who I'm attracted to.

Post Fri May 30, 2008 2:37 pm 
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Purp



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 174
Location: I'm at my computer


I was working in a nursing home as a dishwasher, and I worked with a lot of immigrants. A couple of women were from Poland, which has a very low tolerance of gays (doesn't make sense to me, but then, neither does Fred P*h*e*l*p*s harassing twilight), some were from Mexico, which is almost as bad, one man from Nigeragua, who had a crush on me, and didn't suspect a thing....One of the Polish women said to me, "Karen, you need a boyfriend." My reply was, "Oh, why?" "Because, if you don't get a boyfriend, people will think you are a lesbian, and then you will need a nunnery." Now bare in mind I am not a Catholic, so a nunnery was out. Eventually, I finished my community college education, and now am looking for a different job, and hopefully a four year school. srggrl, I wouldn't come out if the situation makes you uncomfortable, or you think someone's not going to promote you because of it. It is a situational thing, as twilight pointed out. If you think you are going to a) be demoted, b) be fired, or c) have enough people make you uncomfortable enough that you have to leave, then it's probably not a good idea to come out. Best of luck to you, no matter what you decide.
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Smile! Smile You are loved!

Post Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:33 am 
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MeliPiper



Joined: 07 Nov 2007
Posts: 228
Location: New Hampshire


Hmmm, I had to think about this for a few minutes. This is the first job I have had where I openly came out to everyone. They are all ok with it and having them all know helps me be able to be more open about it with others. The best thing though is when we joke about it... like for example

Jana: Melissa can you take these to table 36 for me?
Me: Ummm What do I look like to you Jana?
Jana: (Smiling big) You look like a big lesbian to me
Me: (laughing) Oh ok then of course I'll do it...

LOL

ORRRR

Sean (my general manager): Melissa I am taking you cell away and you can't order food.
Me: What the hell Sean I am wicked hungry
Sean: (laughs evilishly)
Me: Sean I sear I will punch you in the face if you dont give it back
Jana: (laughing hystically) Oh whatch out Sean, Melissa is showing her butch side.


LOL

Ok now that I shared some fun moments at work, back to the thing. So no I dont really hide at work. But yestrday I just startd my second job and this girl kept staring at me and then followed me into the bathroom Shocked

Anyway yeah. I think I answered! Yay! lol ok see ya.
Meli
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"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same" -The Fray

Post Tue Jun 03, 2008 3:15 pm 
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Beyonce Welch



Joined: 09 Nov 2007
Posts: 97
Location: Chicago, Ill USA


I was never out at work. Out meant that I would lose my job.
_________________
Hate is a four letter word

A day without makeup is equal to a day in purgatory

Dangerous when blonde

Post Tue Jun 03, 2008 7:03 pm 
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Purp



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 174
Location: I'm at my computer


Beyonce. Sad Exclamation
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Smile! Smile You are loved!

Post Fri Jun 06, 2008 5:21 am 
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Beyonce Welch



Joined: 09 Nov 2007
Posts: 97
Location: Chicago, Ill USA


quote:
Originally posted by Purp:
Beyonce. Sad Exclamation


Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Arrow
Beyonce

_________________
Hate is a four letter word

A day without makeup is equal to a day in purgatory

Dangerous when blonde

Post Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:41 pm 
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jade547



Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 523
Location: swindon - uk


Hi

Well i must admit as a student nurse a couple of years ago, no i did not tell anyone about my sexuality. In my last year in my last placements i started to come out to my cohort (fellow student nurses), but not out on my placements. i guess because i was only there for a while, and at the end of the day they had to sign for me to continue with my nursing. Unfortunatly i know from HCA days there is bias toward lesbians/gays that i just did not want that hassel plus i had only just come out to family etc.

Once qualified, i remember a patient needed to be catherterised, female patient and a fellow nurse felt it was inapproprete for me to do it because of my sexual orientation - was not amused - and voice me opinion to her - and made an official complaint against her - makes me wonder how she can give the best care she can if she has that kind of bias agains lesbians/gays.

NOw i work on a different ward and i am out, no comments were made, no jokes, no shocked looks etc, it was oh right - it nice to be able to be me, talk about Jacs nothing hidden. I think as most people have said you will do this in your own time and when you feel it is ok to do so.

Unfortunatly in this life, you will come up against bias and there is nothing you can do, beleive in yourself and who you are and be true to yourself.

Kind regards
Jade

Post Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:05 am 
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smartgrl



Joined: 12 Oct 2007
Posts: 22
Location: Jax, FL


At my last job, I worked there for five years, and selectively told a few people about my gf. I always had great job reviews, etc. Then, one day the guy that started our company and a few others left for another venture, and a new manager for my department was hired. This guy was a complete jerk to me most of the time, and re-assigned most of my projects to someone else. I thought he had a problem with women in general ( I'm in a male dominated field ) ... and ended up following my previous boss to his new venture. Once I left, I found out that the new manager had been a strict Baptist...and had an issue with my lifestyle, and that is why he treated me the way he did.

I'd never actually come right out to my current boss... that was at the old company with me (as he seems conservative ), and have worked with him for 10 years now ( from my last job to this one ). Last month, my manager outted me to him ( not in a hurtful way... I think he just assumed he was aware of it ) ... and so far I haven't had any backlash from that.. hoping it stays that way. Since coming over to the new company, I've told most of my co-workers... just hadn't told the big boss and a few higher up people directly.

Post Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:53 am 
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