BACK TO HOME PAGE SITE NAVIGATION CONTACT POETRY FORUM STORY FORUM   Horoscope  Radio  Gallery  FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Register   Profile   PM's   
Log in 
 
General Forum Index -> Parenting

lesbian family - oxymoron?
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Ladies Lifestyle and Living Store
  Author    Thread Post new topic Reply to topic
ashamed



Joined: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 118
Location: Russia
lesbian family - oxymoron?

I just had question, well, probably not a question, but a topic for discussion...

I was thinking about it for some months and discussed it with my friends. They think it's not true, so there can be such families - lesbian families. As for me, I don't think that we can call them families. I'm not agaist lesbians, but as I see it, the child should have both - father and mother. I don't know, earlier I was of the different opinion. But now, as I'm 20, and practically 21, I begin thinking about my future life.

I don't know yet if I'm bisexual. So happened that there were no men in my life. But now, have listened to many psychologists and thinking over this problem for a long time (really), I can say that now I'm not sure that two girls can bring up a child.

No, they can. But it's better when it does a traditional family. What do you think?...

Post Tue Sep 18, 2007 5:42 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail ICQ Number  Reply with quote  
ladybug



Joined: 31 Jan 2006
Posts: 138
Location: southern virginia
here's my opinion

Im not one to speak up, Im very, very shy and dont respond to a lot of posts...but when Im as passionate about something as I am about this...lets just say...here's ladybug's opinion on the subject. I absolutely think that two women can raise a baby...As long as the two (or three, or four) people who decide to raise a child are in agreement on how the child should be raised and love eachother and the child, then the gender of the people raising said child should not matter. For example would you have a problem with a mother, father, step-mother, and step-father, raising a child? In that scenario there are not only two women, but two men as well. In my situation My ex-husband, my girlfriend, and I are all raising my daughter, and doing a wonderful job I might add. If your concern is that the child not have some sort of male influence in their life...What about an uncle, a grandfather, or just a close male friend? I am of, and and always have been of, the school of though that it takes a village to raise a child anyway. We need not perpetuate the assumption that we (as women) cant do something as well as a man could or that we need the help of a man to do it. What about single mothers...those women who by no choice or fault of their own are faced with the daunting task of raising a child alone, with no help from anyone? Parenting is the most dificult job in the entire world. Those who decide to take that job on and givie it everything they possibly have....You have my utmost respect and admiration...no matter who you are!

Post Tue Sep 18, 2007 6:18 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
nobodysangel



Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Posts: 429
Location: TN
here is mine..

having been on both sides of what makes a family i'd like to share my thoughts on this...i have 1 child i gave birth to....when i met my ex she had 3...togehter we became a family..i say family because those kids had not had a stable influence in their lives until she moved in with me...later on she gave birth to a son...she carried him....i still say he is my son..i still love her kids..visit them..have maintained contact..not for her sake..for the sake of the kids...i do not feel that anyone has the right to say what makes a family... ladybug made an excellent point..what about the single mom's? kids being raised by grandparents for whatever reason...all a child will know is being loved....to me thats all a child wants .to be loved and protected...who are the straight couples to say that 2 women or 2 men cant raise a child or children? i do not agree with that...the woman i'm with now..we have talked of having children..i love to hear her say ''our daughter''.. Very Happy that just puts a smile on my face...my daughter is almost 17.she knows she has a father..he is still in her life..she accepted the fact that she had 2 moms..i think having that made it easier for her to be able to come out last year...i know what she will be facing in the years to come..she has been taught tolerance of those that are different....beyond that she knows she is loved.. Arrow
_________________
Riding the single train, and loving every minute!!

Post Tue Sep 18, 2007 8:29 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
ashamed



Joined: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 118
Location: Russia


yes, you're right. I meant just that I was thinking over this problem. I said that of course women can raise the child. But the question was isn't it better to raise the child in the traditional family.

You are from the US, aren't you? And I'm from Russia, here even guys can beat you if they will guess your orientation.

And, ladybug, thanks, you said exactly what I meant. The problem is not that two women can't raise the child, but that there is no man in the family. Grandfathers and uncles...Well, in my situation, I don't have granfathers, and we don't communicate with uncles. You see, there sometimes such cases. My father is not so young. Well, in fact, I'm not going to make a child in two days, I'm just thinking about my future...And my father is 59, besides, there are great problems with his health.

You situation is better, you had a husband. He helped you. That was what I meant.

And family...if putting it like this "noone can judge", than what for do we talk? not just now, but always? What for then there is scientific literature, philosophy, etc? The norm is something that is accepted by the majority, isn't it? Then there are some points according to which we can say that this is the family and this is not...

Post Wed Sep 19, 2007 3:57 am 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail ICQ Number  Reply with quote  
Phoenix
Moderators


Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 1664
Location: Tallahassee Florida


Hi Ashamed,

I think you bring up a valid point regarding societies issues. I don't know if there are any older women here who are from a mixed race family that dealt with the attitude of American culture as a child say in the sixties and seventies. I'd like to hear from you what it was like to be excluded, made fun of, and ostracized by the general population.

Today, it's not nearly as big a deal as it was then, but back then just marrying or being with someone who was African American (not white Africans) made you stand out. My mom remarried a wonderful man who adopted me at 13 who is Hispanic. He is quite dark, and it never affected me, but then again I am not mixed racially, so I didn't have to deal with that. My mom did as she is married to my dad.

There were dangers to be dealt with from ignorant people, but I think it's even greater in a society that is so vehemently against homosexuality. I've only run into one situation that made me uncomfortable when some guys messed with a group of us lesbians at a restaurant one night. I've never felt threatened though. I do think one needs to take into account where they are bringing their child up, and if it's very dangerious, it might be best to not have children or leave that country so you can live freely.

I wish you well Ashamed. BTW, your English is excellent!

phoenix
_________________
"A little work won't hurt you bad, but just in case I'm wrong, you'll be smiling when they pronounce you dead." Amanda Marshall 'This could take all night

Post Wed Sep 19, 2007 10:46 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
ashamed



Joined: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 118
Location: Russia


Thanks, Phoenix!
It was especially pleasant to hear about my English))) I’m studying at the Institute of Foreign Languages.

Well, in this country there become more and more lesbians. I don’t speak about gays, the were always suffering…As for us, last year there was a case when night club was burnt by those who follow Hitler’s ideology. And with them there were, you even can’t imagine, priests! Yes, so, priests, old women and, let’s call them, Hitler followers were beating poor victims (GIRLS!!!). There was police, but it didn’t do anything. So, some of lesbians were killed, 5-7 girls. In Moscow there is the Pushkin square, it is the place where lesbians gather to talk and to spend their time, I would say glamour and not very clever. I’m not from Moscow. But I know what was happening there, I have friends there. They were afraid even to appear in the streets.

In my city there were some cases when I was afraid of being beaten and even killed. I would say that Russia is a country of bandits.

I’m studying Italian; I wanna go to Italy to live. And I want to have children!)) Our flowers of the future!))

I thought that in US there is no racial discrimination…

Post Wed Sep 19, 2007 2:53 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail ICQ Number  Reply with quote  
Eilidh
Moderators


Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880


I agree with ladybug that it truly takes a village to raise a family. That said, I was raised by a single father and don't feel like I missed anything in terms of having female role models. I don't think any parenting situation is inherently better than any other when it comes to gender. The love is what is most important.

~Eilidh

Post Wed Sep 19, 2007 5:38 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
bbmaniac



Joined: 05 May 2005
Posts: 248
Location: Houston, TX


I'm not from any mixed race background, but I am a recovered Southern Baptist, LOL. Here's my view on this topic...

1) A family is first and foremost defined as a unit of loving individuals. That unit may made up from former family situations, but the fact remains that as long as the love and committment are there...there's a family.

2) If you're going to call yourself a family, you absolutely have to adopt the responsibilites that go along with it. What I mean by that is...should you commit to a woman who already has kids, you have to take on the parental responsibilities as well and treat them as your own. Families, by nature, look out for their own.

3) Ladybug nailed it when she brought up other very common familial situations that exist. As long as everyone is on board with how the child or children are to be raised...I don't see a problem.

All that being said, why couldn't 2 women raise children? Most of us who have kids do the 'raising' on our own in the first place, so the concept of lesbian families just doesn't seem foreign to me...at all.

*stepping off my soapbox...for now*

Hugs to you all,
BB
_________________
For nothing this wide universe I call,
Save thou, my rose; in it thou art my all.

Sonnet 109 - Shakespeare

'I'm just your ordinary, everyday sane-psycho...supergoddess' Liz Phair

--------------------------------------

Post Wed Sep 19, 2007 5:39 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger  Reply with quote  
Eiregirl



Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Posts: 10230
Location: Chasing a pink bunny


Deb and I have a 5 year old daughter and I for one think we are doing a wonderful job raising her.

I don't think it takes a village however to raise a child...it takes people who care about and love their children.
_________________
All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.

Post Thu Sep 20, 2007 3:51 am 
 View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website  Reply with quote  
linziloo



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 5
Location: Liverpool


This is a message for Eiregirl really..... I have posted a topic under why have i got 2 mummys?l and wondered if you'd have a look?! You might be able to put my mind at rest considering you have a child as well!!!

get back to me if you think you can help.

Linziloo xx

Post Wed Sep 26, 2007 4:55 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail  Reply with quote  
twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


OK Let me get weighed in on this subject.

First, I am the daughter of a bisexual. My mother and bio father had an open marriage in that respect. My "other mom" (that is what I called her) helped raise me and lived across the hall from my parent's bedroom. She was who I went to when I had questions about sex, friends, relationships, and life in general. She was my refuge for a period of my life when I needed help getting through the sea of life. Were they or even I permitted by the society of that time to be open about the relationships of our family, ...no. Did she help raise me? Definitely...even more than my alcoholic jerk of a father. But, that is a different story.

Second, I am the mother of two beautiful girls. I have raised them in varying degrees of relationships. I had my first daughter with out the benefits of a relationship. Her father is officially listed as unknown. I raised her for two years with out a significant other in my life. I was with a guy (and eventually married him) for 8 years. We had my second daughter. Since that relationship has ended he has not had contact with her in almost 3 years. I had a 2+ year relationship with a woman in which we raise my two daughters. Her grown son still calls me on occasion to ask advice. Now, for the last 9 months I am single again. Do I think I need a man to raise my girls, NO. I may need help at times, but I find it. Be that male, female, butch or femme. My girls do have a wonderful grandpa (my step dad) and other male influences (teachers, sport coaches, etc). I am also of the mind set that a village raises a child.

Third, I am close friends with two different lesbian couples raising families. One has 7 kids and 2 grandkids in their house. The second has 4 kids. Both of those families have gone through the process to adopt a teenage child who needed a home. Yes, they were approved through social services and all. The state determined they were capable to raise a child. Those ladies are some of the best moms I know.

OK, those are my opinions on lesbians raising a child.
_________________
Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:05 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger  Reply with quote  
SASSY SOUL



Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 52


Apologies in advance but I shall be blunt.

I find the initial post for this thread incredible naive and am sort of wondering why a person with such a view would be on a forum such as this? Just a thought.

I am a little offended - I admit.

This comment about a family being defined as a mum and dad, is, in short, is extremely short sighted. I must admit of all the forums I have been on I have never posted in this nature, ever, as I do believe each to their own and we can't agree wit all views. However, women have enough narrow minded and half cocked ideologies to battle with, without someone posting such a post on this type of forum.

I guess that doesn't make my son and I a family - please advise me what you would define us as? I am confident not having my child's biological sperm donor (other parent) who preferred to focus more on his alcoholism and drug problem than being a parent has enriched my sons life.

The definition of a family is not a mum and dad. It's not even a mum and mum. It is what the owner of that unit believes it to be. Be that two women and children, two women and their pets or two women and nothing more. In popular culture it may be defined as the gangs on some our of streets, the groups of street kids that frequent our underpasses or whatever.

Family is defined not by societies rules but by those involved in that relationship and it is for them to define their family unit and it's rules. Not you, not me and not society.

Post Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:40 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
poeticrendezvous



Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 278
Location: IL


"I find the initial post for this thread incredible naive and am sort of wondering why a person with such a view would be on a forum such as this? Just a thought."



Because this is a real place with real dynamics going on that are not polarized.
People have to deal with cultural, spiritual, emotional etc issues and nothing is simplified but surely we can talk about them as they are and it is ok to have differences in views and opinions on a forum. Often, I have opinions that do not always fit in with everyone else. You know I have come a long way though...the only opinion I care about the most now is my wife's and my kids LOL.

Post Thu Jan 10, 2008 2:27 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
SASSY SOUL



Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 52


It is true that we will have different views and that is what a forum is for. It is also a place where views can be challenged and one has to be honest - so I was. That is the beauty of the western world is that we can have opinions and express them. We can also challenge views whereby we don't agree with them, and they should be challenged and debated.

Post Thu Jan 10, 2008 6:49 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
poeticrendezvous



Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 278
Location: IL


Hugs to Sassy

Post Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:22 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic Reply to topic

Jump to:  
Goto page 1, 2  Next

Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

 


Search For Posters!


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

In Association with Amazon.com
     
Terms & Conditions Privacy Statement Acknowledgements