BACK TO HOME PAGE SITE NAVIGATION CONTACT POETRY FORUM STORY FORUM   Horoscope  Radio  Gallery  FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Register   Profile   PM's   
Log in 
 
General Forum Index -> Moans & Groans

this is where it all started

Ladies Lifestyle and Living Store
  Author    Thread Post new topic Reply to topic
cupcakes



Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 324
Location: NY
this is where it all started

nearly 5 years ago, I was a very young woman, still coming to terms with the realization of being a lesbian.
I stumbled upon this website and explored, made friends, grew up. I met a girl in chat. We fell in love: deeply in love...the way even movies and songs can't express. It was the real deal and I didn't care what the world thought or said about us. She and I existed in isolation, in a dream far away.
Life was bliss.
I believed, with everything I had, that we were different from other couples...
We moved in together. Built our lives, hopes and dreams around each other.


Tonight, I am so conflicted. I love her. I promise, I will love her forever.
But I can't live with the fact that she has fallen out of love with me. We have been so honest and true...brutal. And it's still not enough to make us right.

I've not been on mels in a long time...probably years. But tonight I just need to come back to the place it all started. I don't know how we're going to bear it. Exclamation

please tell me I'm wrong...that this is just another silly hiccup in our lifelong love. Tell me we're going to work it out and have half a dozen babies, die peacefully of old age in a loving embrace.


~cUppy

Post Wed Aug 04, 2010 5:52 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
fortheloveofagood...
Site Admin


Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 2216
Location: loves land of plenty


If she knows what has led up to her 'falling out of love' then maybe that can be resolved within her, between you both, and within you also (it's a hard place to be)...

Is anything permanent? - which goes for being 'in' or 'out' or love... it's the degrees to which we fall on either side... it could be a hiccup or it may not be, you have to...

Keep communicating with each other...

... and with those around you - to gain perspective and find a way through this challenging time...

we are here to hold you

Much love
Kx
_________________
-----------------------------------------------------

'don't hate your enemies, it clouds your judgement'

~peace comes from knowing only love is real~

Post Wed Aug 04, 2010 8:31 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
MysteryGirl
Moderators


Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


Sad I can't Cuppy, I can't tell you what will happen, whether it be what you want or what you don't. I can't tell you that true love conquers all cause sometimes it doesn't, I can't tell you everything will be alright.

All I can tell you is that you have friends here to listen and to hold you tight which ever way it goes.


HugZ, MG (Noni)
_________________
Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:01 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger  Reply with quote  
MdmPrez



Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Posts: 803
Location: US of A
cups

I read this with tears in my eyes and I remember you well.

The fact that your honesty and truth with each other is "brutal" is wonderful, altho you hear things you don't want to. But at least it's all on the table.

None of us can predict what's going to happen. The hurt you must feel is palpable thru your words. But one thing I will predict, unequivocally, is that you will survive if it does end. You will make it!!!

We're here for you cups, you'd be surprised just how much support you can receive from this group of women. Use us!

((((((((((((((((((( cups )))))))))))))))))

Cat

Post Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:54 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
SWAY



Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY


Cuppy,

There is no promises I can make besides this....it will all work out how it is supposed to in the end. And the only advice I can give is give it time. Whether the time is needed for her to realize she does love you, or for your heart to heal, time is the great healer.

Going thru something a tad bit similar on many levels, I understand how you feel, and hope you will find peace, whatever that may be. If you need me let me know. I am here. ((((((((((((((((((((Cuppy)))))))))))))))))))))

Hugs and love,
SWAY
_________________
Giving myself to others has made me jaded...

Post Wed Aug 04, 2010 2:15 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
wishonastar



Joined: 23 Jan 2007
Posts: 967
Location: Where I belong


(((((((((((((((((Cuppy))))))))))))))))))
All i can offer is hugs but i have lots and lots of them! Here if needed

Hugs
Star
_________________
I'm not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up, what I’ve been wishing for.

Down - Jason Woods

Post Mon Aug 09, 2010 6:51 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
Cavewoman



Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby


Exclamation Hey lady! Of course we remember you... well .... and we embrace your return .... warm, cushy, fondly.

There are no guarantees regarding love - other than it WILL sweep you off your feet - and sometimes, knock you flat on your everlovin ass with a crushed heart feeling useless.

You've regarded love with honesty, trust, tenderness and hope. Try regarding this time with the same faith in yourself and her and what you've experienced.

We cannot say it is a hiccup. We cannot say it is a metamorphosis. We can say we care and that many of us know well of what you speak. Like it or not, only time is going to reveal what your life will be.

((((((((( Arrow ))))))))
_________________
" The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews

Post Tue Aug 10, 2010 6:42 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
Mairi bheag



Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland



I know - everyone knows - that I am the wrong person even to attempt to answer this question, for the simple reason that I have messed up so many relationships in my life that I have lost count. I just wanted you to know that I feel such sympathy with this situation. I know what having a broken heart is like.

There's a cafe called "Cupcakes" near where I work. The next time I am in there eating cheesecake I will think about you. Sorry I can't be more help.

Mb
xx

_________________
all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.

Post Wed Aug 11, 2010 7:44 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
cupcakes



Joined: 18 Sep 2005
Posts: 324
Location: NY


Hello. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support! It really comforted me so much to read your comments and know that I wasn't alone.

I'm happy to report that we are doing much better lately!
The world didn't end like I was worried it would.
After much distress and moping around, I was pretty much ready to give up. I took more steps to distance myself emotionally and physically from her. But, while I was on the boards, i read a post about bad sex lives...ours was really, really awful/non-existent! i decided to make a move (anyway, nothing to loose if I failed)...
well I didn't fail. Sex is like magic sometimes!

Our problems seem to be mitigated, melted out of focus though not entirely gone.

Sex isn't the only thing that's changed, though it was the U-turn to get us heading back in the right direction. The initiative I took in distancing myself from her has ironically helped us. I think maybe i was originally sacrificing too much to "make it work" and not maintaining my independence. This led to unhappiness and resentment on my part, which led to smothering her, which led back to dissatisfaction and more effort... in a negative loop. In focusing on building myself back up and spending less effort crying about her lack of love for me, I guess the weight of bad moods was lifted a bit for both of us.

I feel pretty decent about us right now. I hope we're in the clear.
I wouldn't say that she's back "in love" with me, but I am at a place where I can handle that she just "loves" me.
It's a very important difference, so I'm guarding my heart a little to prevent being a driveling, passionate nutcase.

I am actively resisting thoughts of the future, because i'm not convinced of "forever" anymore. I used to think about babies and the lovely life we'd have together as our goal, but that requires the security of knowing that she is unequivocally in love with me. The fantasy of happily ever after has fallen apart in that area.
I still really want those future things, but don't want to put that extra pressure on us to achieve. I'm more concerned about maintaining our present stability and rebuilding our romantic love.

relationships can get so complicated. I need to simplify. Get back to the core of it.

btw...where are you ladies? I keep checking in at chat, but I'm usually the only one there. I miss you all!

(((4)))
(((Noni)))
(((Cat)))
(((Sway)))
(((star)))
(((cave)))
(((mb)))
Arrow

Post Thu Sep 16, 2010 9:25 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
MysteryGirl
Moderators


Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


After a long, tiring, difficult week I did my usual hurried run through the posts on Mels and I read yours Cuppy. And I smiled...........and smiled again...........and again.





HugZ, Noni
_________________
Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!

Post Thu Sep 16, 2010 1:50 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger  Reply with quote  
Mairi bheag



Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland


quote:
Originally posted by cupcakes:
btw...where are you ladies? I keep checking in at chat, but I'm usually the only one there. I miss you all!


Speaking for myself, cups, I don't do chat any more.

I am glad to hear things are more stable for you and your partner.

Mb
xx

_________________
all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.

Post Thu Sep 16, 2010 3:08 pm 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
Cavewoman



Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby


WooHoo ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!
congrats!!!!!!
you have discovered a secret ... NEVER lose Yourself!!!! ... the person you fell in love with will continue to change and grow ... as YOU will also ... do NOT be afraid to grow as an individual .... don't worry about the other "following" ..... love allows ... love grows ... expands .. .changes directions as we ourselves do ...
HAVE NO FEAR
you had no fear
HAVE NO FEAR now
there is nothing to be afraid of...... the world changes, our lives change, our days change with the weather and the events of getting through the next hour ... its ALL ok .. its ALL normal
continue to live and dream out loud
....
can't offer any guarantees ... but that much i know is true
its where Phyl and I made our most huge mistake
don't repeat
LIVE
BRAVE
FREE
SMILING
cause ya know what?
in the end, all that matters is that you love
_________________
" The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews

Post Fri Sep 17, 2010 5:22 am 
 View user's profile Send private message  Reply with quote  
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic Reply to topic

Jump to:  


Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

 


Search For Posters!


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

In Association with Amazon.com
     
Terms & Conditions Privacy Statement Acknowledgements