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I'm new here! (And could use a little advice..)

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NinjaRabbit



Joined: 11 Jan 2010
Posts: 7
Location: Earth
I'm new here! (And could use a little advice..)

(Just for the record, I might have put this topic in the wrong section. If I did I'm sorry. Feel free to move it.)

Okay..*Deep breath* Here goes..
Hi everybody Smile
As you can see, I'm new to this site. (Actually, this is the first lesbian site I have ever joined.)
And well, I was just wondering if I could have a bit of advice from you ladies?

*WARNING- Lengthly Message Ahead!*

I'm a 21 year old living in a REALLY tiny "hic-town" that has not a drop of tolerance for homosexuality. So, pretty much everyday I'm asked " Why don't you have a boyfriend? Youre cute enough, why don't you try..(insert random list of single males looking for a partner here). I have to rack my brain constantly and give some type of excuse for not haveing a guy. Guys have tried to flirt with me too (not being fresh or rude either) and I always haveto find excuses to say "no" to a date. I feel really bad about it, but it wouldn't be fair to lead them on because I have no interest in them.
I think some people are starting to get the idea about me, and where I live, that's NOT good for my future. And no, I'm not ashamed of what I am, but where I live and work, it could possibly cause a "sexual harrasment" type of interpretation if I told the truth. (I do plan on moving away someday, but that's when I finaly get a job in animation to live on Smile )

Question 1: Anyone know a good way around these "dating police?" And the guys?

Well. I guess by now you can tell that my love life isn't too healthy. I did once try online dating a year ago, but when I had two random (and MUCH older) women ask for my measurements, without even asking me how I was doing or sayin "hi" first, I decided to step back from that. Don't get me wrong, sex would be great, but no matter what I just can't seem to force myself to sleep (or cyber) with someone I don't really love or have feelings for. *Sigh* I may be a lesbian, but I'm a downright starry-eyed romantic one! Laughing I don't hear too many people talk about the love aspect of a same-sex relationship, just how much fun they have in bed. I just want someone who really cares for me. I don't expect marriage or anything, but I don't want to be someone's mere "toy" that constantly ends up tossed aside and ignored after we play either..

Question 2: Am I just too much of a dreamer here? I can't help but think I sound like little more that a uniquely-oriented Disney Princess in my previous paragraph (and that pretty much sums up my romantic side, lol!)
Maybe that's just what a lonely girl like me dreams up after all these years.. Embarassed


The other thing is, I'm actually what you could call a "straight gay" or "lipstick lesbian" (sometimes a tad "girly" even) so even if it would be accepted where i live, I really wouldn't emphasize my orientation (unless dating is concerned). I like to keep my personal life to myself, anyway.

So..I guess that pretty much sums it up. I really hope I didn't bore anybody to death with my insanely long post here. (Especially in the welcoming board!) I didn't want to sound like I'm wallowing in self-pity, but this was an opportunity to really get something off my chest that I didn't have anyone else to discuss with.

Well...guess all I can do now is wait ...<< >>

Post Mon Feb 22, 2010 5:42 am 
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Eilidh
Moderators


Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880


Welcome, NinjaRabbit!
Don't worry -- you've found the right place and the right section!

This part of your post sums up so much:

quote:
Originally posted by NinjaRabbit:
I don't hear too many people talk about the love aspect of a same-sex relationship, just how much fun they have in bed. I just want someone who really cares for me.


Of course! That's what a loving relationship should be!
I don't think there's anything wrong with dreaming or figuring out what you want in a relationship ... and declining when the prerequisites are not fulfilled.
As for the guys, you may just have to repeat yourself over and over again. They can be slow, as can well-meaning family members, etc.

Take a few more deep breaths. The oxygen will do you good. Very Happy

~Eilidh

Post Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:53 pm 
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NinjaRabbit



Joined: 11 Jan 2010
Posts: 7
Location: Earth


Thanks, Eilidh, that already made me feel a lot better! *Takes another deep breath for oxygen* Smile

Post Tue Feb 23, 2010 4:11 am 
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chordphrute



Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 1412
Location: Nouvelle Orléans, Louisiane


I would just like to say that the name NinjaRabbit... is simply fabulous.

Welcome!
_________________
"You can't kiss and keep your eyes open, they'll cross forever" - Rubyfruit Jungle

Post Tue Feb 23, 2010 4:16 am 
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WonderWhy



Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Posts: 244


Welcome NinjaRabbit! Great to have you with us.

You won't find anyone asking for your measurements here, no one I've met yet anyway. Smile But you WILL find genuine people who you can have some great, meaningful conversations with as well as some lighthearted fun.

I know what it's like to live in a small town with small town people and attitudes. In my case it wasn't about dating ( I was married) but more about when I was going to start having kids, cos that's what people do, right? Besides which it was the local hobby, I'm sure of it. The fact is, you can't change peoples' attitudes, it's really a case of either live with it or go somewhere else. Sorry if that sounds a bit negative, and I'm happy to be proven wrong... but people will, unfortunately, continue to try to tell others how to live their lives instead of letting them choose what's right for them.

I wish I could give you an ideal answer, and I hope you find one.
Drop into chat some time.

Cheers.

Post Tue Feb 23, 2010 7:47 am 
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Start Over



Joined: 02 Nov 2005
Posts: 222
Location: Somewhere in the cosmos


quote:
Originally posted by NinjaRabbit:

I'm a 21 year old living in a REALLY tiny "hic-town" that has not a drop of tolerance for homosexuality. So, pretty much everyday I'm asked " Why don't you have a boyfriend? Youre cute enough, why don't you try..(insert random list of single males looking for a partner here). I have to rack my brain constantly and give some type of excuse for not haveing a guy. Guys have tried to flirt with me too (not being fresh or rude either) and I always haveto find excuses to say "no" to a date. I feel really bad about it, but it wouldn't be fair to lead them on because I have no interest in them.

Question 1: Anyone know a good way around these "dating police?" And the guys?


I logged in just to answer you, even if my advice might suck. First, I also live somewhere that is less-than-tolerant of homosexuality. It can be rough, but it helps to realize that you aren't alone.

As for the guys... well, I can't really give you specific advice except to say if you say no to them, they should respect you enough for that to be the end of it. You shouldn't HAVE to give a reason. It should be enough that you declined.

quote:
Originally posted by NinjaRabbit:

Well. I guess by now you can tell that my love life isn't too healthy. I did once try online dating a year ago, but when I had two random (and MUCH older) women ask for my measurements, without even asking me how I was doing or sayin "hi" first, I decided to step back from that. Don't get me wrong, sex would be great, but no matter what I just can't seem to force myself to sleep (or cyber) with someone I don't really love or have feelings for. *Sigh* I may be a lesbian, but I'm a downright starry-eyed romantic one! :lol: I don't hear too many people talk about the love aspect of a same-sex relationship, just how much fun they have in bed. I just want someone who really cares for me. I don't expect marriage or anything, but I don't want to be someone's mere "toy" that constantly ends up tossed aside and ignored after we play either..

Question 2: Am I just too much of a dreamer here? I can't help but think I sound like little more that a uniquely-oriented Disney Princess in my previous paragraph (and that pretty much sums up my romantic side, lol!)
Maybe that's just what a lonely girl like me dreams up after all these years.. :oops:


Personally, I think asking for someone's "measurements" is insulting, and I think nothing's wrong—nor should you apologize—for declining to be involved with someone like that. It's probably a good sign they aren't "long-term" relationship material. There ARE lesbians out there who will love you for who you are, the trick is, of course, finding them, which is, unfortunately, easier said than done.

And there are others like you; not everyone can just fuck someone they don't have feelings for.

Hope this helped, and good luck to you. (And welcome to mels.)

Post Wed Feb 24, 2010 2:55 am 
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naturelover



Joined: 19 Sep 2009
Posts: 70
Location: East Coast US


Hi NinjaRabbit! Don't you just love those "dating police"? I have tons around me!

Just like you, when I was asked that question, I initially started giving excuses about my school, then my job, then my hobbies, etc, etc.

Then I turned defensive. Why should I get married? What good would that do?

Then I turned corky. I don't think there is a smarter guy out there for me.

Then I turned really mean. There aren't too many married couples that are happy...well, which is true...

Then I gave my ultimatum. If you ask the question again, you will never see me again....

magically, they stopped asking. Smile

I am not sure how to help you here...how about just run away? ok...kidding.

Welcome to the site!

naturelover

Post Wed Feb 24, 2010 2:57 am 
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NinjaRabbit



Joined: 11 Jan 2010
Posts: 7
Location: Earth


You guys are great, it's so nice to finally have people to talk to about these things Very Happy

I really feel relived that I'm not the only person around with my way of thinking. Plus I see that a number of you have the same Small Town, Low Tolerance issues like I do. I guess it's just the quirk of life that you can't control people's attitudes.
And don't feel bad if you didn't really know how to answer my questions, getting an ordinary opinion from you is just as good.

As of right now, I try to avoid the people that I know are hard-core "dating police," which helps a little at least until I run into one. When I think they're about to start questioning, I try to come up with a different subject beforehand. Or maybe I should just run away like Naturelover said! J/K

And glad you like my username, Chordphrute Smile

Post Thu Feb 25, 2010 3:50 am 
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