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What to do with family?

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Tahllulah



Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Posts: 24
Location: New Zealand
What to do with family?

Hi,

I came out to my parents over a year ago (my brother and several of my cousins have known for much longer than that) and all I can say is that it has been completely traumatising.

After I told them, my Dad was convinced that it was because I had so many gay friends (and have since I was 12) and my Mother was convinced I was doing drugs (I wasn't - although they are enough to send me that way some days). I had been with my g/f at the time for over a year and my Mother was convinced that the only reason I didn't tell them was because she wasn't really that important and I would get over it (being lesbian). Not the fact that I was so worried about what they would think and how they would react as I tried to explain.

As a 27 year old woman I find this patronising beyond belief.

My Mum and Dad have always been very tolerant and accepting of LGBT people. My best friends are a gay man and a lesbian. No surprises there. They treat them like family. But once I told them about me and who I was. The treatment could not have been more different. This included 6 weeks where they would not communicate with me at all! Besides a horrible text message from my Mum saying "f*ck you"

For the last year, they have ignored my g/f and refuse to even say her name. My Mum has nastily made insinuations that she's a gold-digger (without even meeting her) and when it comes to talking or getting together I am allowed to talk about work and that really is it. The conversation goes cold if I mention my girlfriends name and they will change the topic of conversation.

My g/f has been amazingly supportive (as have her family who are WONDERFUL) but evertime I see my parents I end up coming home absolutely distraught, usually ending in a bottle of wine and a big grump at my g/f. And it's not even her fault.

It all culminated last week when they were in my City and invited me to dinner. I asked them if I could bring my g/f (for the first time ever) and my Dad said, ask your Mother. Mum wasn't answering her phone so I sent her a text message. She called me at 6.30pm that night to say that they weren't going out to eat anymore.

I also have to now deal with the fact that my parents will not tell me anything unless I specifically ask. Our family dog has been missing for a month and they wont tell me - my brother rang to tell me - so I refuse to ask. They won't tell me about whats going on in the family. It really feels as though they are witholding information to get even with me.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I love and respect my parents but this has a huge impact on me and my relationship. It's terrible when you can't be yourself with the people who are meant to love you unconditionally. And it's horrible having to pretend a part of you doesn't exist just to placate people.

Any thoughts?

PS: Sorry this post is a bit of novel. Thanks for taking the time to read it.


Last edited by Tahllulah on Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:01 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:37 am 
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


Well, I can say that your age does not matter... some parents will say it something you will get over no matter what your age. My last long term partner was 48 and her mother was convinced it was just a phase. Besides that I wish you lots of ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))). Hopefully your parents will come around, in the mean time, surround yourself with people that love you. Sometimes our closest family is not someone we share blood ties with, but someone who is just as meaningful in our lives just the same! I wish I had more advice, but alas I don't. I luckily had very supportive parents whan I came out.
_________________
Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:27 am 
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lovingMarci



Joined: 25 Dec 2007
Posts: 4
Location: Romania


Hi Tahllulah, i am very sorry your parents reacted in this way.. Sad

It is the same situation in my family and in my g/f's family. My dad and her mom dont accept our relation. My dad has even left our family saying that he can not accept me and my "obscurity". He thinks i am mentaly ill and he can not look in my eyes and in the eyes of all those who know about me.

It is hard when they dont accept the situation. I dont know what to do either. But i am convinced that it would have been worst to hide (from them or from myself).

I hope all will end well for you.
Coco

Post Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:27 pm 
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