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Am I gay?

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Confused



Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 2
Am I gay?

You probably hear this alot. But part of me really thinks I am. Ok this might be a long read and I appolgise if it is but I really need to get things of my chest and out in the open. I've hidden this for too long now.

Ok lets start from the begining.
At about 14 I started getting attractions to women. All my life I have been told it's wrong. It's discusting, God didn't intend for men to love men or women to women! So having hear this from my parents all the time I would hide my feelings and even get discusted with myself.
I fancied my best friend in school but no way could I tell her. Try as I might I couldn't get her off my mind. I dated men. Not that I actually really liked them but you know... I had to keep up the pretence. I had a bad sexual experiance when I was coming up to 15. The thought of being touched by a guy sickened me after that. I married at 18 and that was bad too. I told him before we married I had the hots for my friend and instead of letting me pursue my feelings to try work out what my sexuality was he made me stay away from her or any other woman that I may find attractive. I had a bad 3 years with him. Never wanted sex with him and when forced into it I would fantasis about my friend from school or just any other woman who would pop into my mind.
After a nasty break up I dated another guy and told him I thought I was bi. He said I wasn't and that pretty much was it. another boyfirend later and I didn't mention my thoughts or feelings to other women. Sex was awlful. I hate sex with men! THen I met my new husband. We we're great friends. Still are! Sex was ok with him. He taught me how to enjoy it. I struggle still with it all though. About a month or so ago I had a difficult talk with him. I told him everything of my past with the feelings towards women. I told him I was unsure of what I was so to speak. He was so good though. I love him dearly.
I have a friend who is bi and she knows of my thoughts too. She has even said she would have sex with me! My husband knows this too and he said he would want me to go with her to try it and find out for sure. I feel a little uncomfortable with this though because I vowed to love him and be with him till death do us part. Having said this I can't get my friend out of my head. Everytime I have sex with my husband my mind is with her.
So if anyone can give me any advice I would appriecate it greatly. I love my husband and I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to leave him but I need to know if I'm gay or straight.

Post Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:55 pm 
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Ahzule



Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 34
Location: Shh. It's a secret.
Re: Am I gay?

quote:
Originally posted by Confused:

So if anyone can give me any advice I would appriecate it greatly... I don't want to leave him but I need to know if I'm gay or straight.


Are you gay? I don't think that this is something that any of us here can tell you. Yes it is easier for someone to tell you what you are, that way you don't have to conciously decide that for yourself. HOWEVER only you can ultimately know your deepest thoughts and wishes. So I can't tell you what or who you are.

Take a moment and remove the labels. "gay" "straight" "bi"... those are just words, they don't determine what you are or what you should be.


quote:
All my life I have been told it's wrong. It's discusting, God didn't intend for men to love men or women to women! So having hear this from my parents all the time I would hide my feelings and even get discusted with myself.



There is no right or wrong here. Since I personally don't believe in God I haven't much to say about him. However if it is wrong for one person to love another then we are all condemned. As long as you and that person you are with love each other there is nothing unnatural or wrong about it.

So... My advice would be to do whatever feels right to you. If at the end you turn out to be "gay" than you are. If you aren't than you're not. Either way you will understand youre self better, and there won't be anything to regret.

Follow your heart- it knows what's right for you.

Yours,

Ahz. Exclamation

Post Mon Mar 24, 2008 11:16 pm 
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bellatrix_18



Joined: 23 Apr 2007
Posts: 55
Location: U.K.


Again, I agree that noone can tell you if you are gay. You have to discover yourself. I spent years looking at every gay website/forum on the internet and being consumed with the obsession of labelling myself as gay or straight, Always asking other people 'am i gay?' cos it just felt so difficult thinking about it all the time... being torn inside and feeling so unsure. I looked at other peoples experiances and tried to find similarities with what I was going through to try to proove I was gay... Eventually i stopped trying to proove I was gay and just accepted that, because, I was trying to proove i was gay not trying to proove I wasn't, suggested I probably was... (I hope that made sense)

But it took a long time to eventually admit my true feelings. I eventually left my boyfriend however, by that time, I was sure I was gay and i had only been with theis man (I should say boy) who treated me quite badly for two years. I can imagine it being very difficult for you to figure yourself out when you are married to a great guy who you love.

However, I would advise sticking with your true feelings. If you do decide you are straight, then I wish you and your husband luck. He sounds like a very understanding man... however, if you decide you are gay, then try not to surpress your feeling to avoide hurting him. I know how easy it is to do without even being fully concious you are doing it and it will hurt you both a lot more if you live a lie.

I hope this helped and I truely hope everything works out for you Smile good luck x x x
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I Am Awake

Post Tue Mar 25, 2008 1:46 am 
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Rankchrst



Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 13
hey confused!!

hey how are you? everything you just wrote reminds me of myself totally.. i also was attracted to woman at age 14, and dated several bf's also.. I was never into men sexually eaither.. where are you from? are you still with your husband now? i also liked my best friend when i was 15.. i can relate a lot to you.. i am also very confused..

Post Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:27 pm 
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Scarlett



Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 13


Hi.

Someone came up with a theory (can't remember his name) that no one is 100% gay and no one is 100% straight (even if you think you are) and everyone falls somewhere in the middle. I would love a label but none seems to fit.

I'm not bisexual because I don't like either sex equally, I'm not a lesbian because every blue moon I become attracted to, maybe, an actor on screen something like that and to say I'm a lesbian would indicate that's never happened as lesbians are women only. I'm definitely not straight as I'm attracted to women and am not keen on men in general.

I prefer women, I want to live my life with one. If I keep thinking like that then I stop getting confused. I think you need to sit and make a choice and make sure it's the right one. No one can help you with that.

Exclamation

Post Fri Mar 28, 2008 12:32 pm 
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storybellz



Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 241
Location: U.S.A


quote:
Originally posted by Scarlett:
Hi.

Someone came up with a theory (can't remember his name) that no one is 100% gay and no one is 100% straight (even if you think you are) and everyone falls somewhere in the middle.


I truly believe that. Always have (even b4 my deep feeliongs for my friend) and probably always will. It just makes sense! Arrow

Post Thu Apr 03, 2008 11:25 pm 
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velcro003



Joined: 23 Apr 2008
Posts: 2


quote:
Originally posted by bellatrix_18:
Again, I agree that noone can tell you if you are gay. You have to discover yourself. I spent years looking at every gay website/forum on the internet and being consumed with the obsession of labelling myself as gay or straight, Always asking other people 'am i gay?' cos it just felt so difficult thinking about it all the time... being torn inside and feeling so unsure. I looked at other peoples experiances and tried to find similarities with what I was going through to try to proove I was gay... Eventually i stopped trying to proove I was gay and just accepted that, because, I was trying to proove i was gay not trying to proove I wasn't, suggested I probably was... (I hope that made sense)

But it took a long time to eventually admit my true feelings. I eventually left my boyfriend however, by that time, I was sure I was gay and i had only been with theis man (I should say boy) who treated me quite badly for two years. I can imagine it being very difficult for you to figure yourself out when you are married to a great guy who you love.

However, I would advise sticking with your true feelings. If you do decide you are straight, then I wish you and your husband luck. He sounds like a very understanding man... however, if you decide you are gay, then try not to surpress your feeling to avoide hurting him. I know how easy it is to do without even being fully concious you are doing it and it will hurt you both a lot more if you live a lie.

I hope this helped and I truely hope everything works out for you Smile good luck x x x


Hi, I'm new....and your post resonated with me. That is EXACTLY what I'm doing now, I spend night after night looking for others experiences. I am in the confused club as well, and it is so frustrating. Sad

Post Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:20 am 
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