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My best friend outed me !

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rainbownation



Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 3
Location: er.....The Rainbow Nation
My best friend outed me !

Like many here I seem to have fallen in love with my best friend. We are both "straight" women, she until recently was living with her boyfriend and I am single. My feelings for her began almost a year ago - that electricity when she was close and a drunken memory of us standing very close one night, face to face in a bar and my saying "what is this?" as the sparks flew. Looking back now over the months there have been many instances which would indicate she's attracted to me but nothing substantial until..

At New Year we were all out as a big crowd again. She always sits next to me rather than her boyfriend. As the drinks started flowing she was so in my space she was almost sitting on my lap. Next came back rubbing and agressively massaging my head and playing with my hair. Then whilst I am having a conversation with someone else she starts grabbing me so that I almost fall off the stool. I left to go to the loo at that stage as it seemed to be getting out of control and I needed to cool down, being very turning on by then ! At New Year we kiss as friends would but she holds me in a hug so strong and for so long it seemed almost desperate. After that I'm afraid the tequila took over and its all blank !

Anyway, to cut a very long story short. For the past few months, despite my writing it all off as a one-off every time, similar incidents have taken place every time we go out together. I have been going mad thinking about it - varying wildly from "Its all in my head" to imaging a life together. After every incident we cant make eye contact and are very uneasy around each other and then it all goes back to normal again until the next time and the cycle repeats. I, by this stage, had not reciprocated at all. Then I decided to do something if it happened again, which it did. When the grabbing me by the shoulder started, as I was talking to a male friend, and then the arm and back rubbing began I turned and looked her in the eye. It was there loud and clear - it was real. I put my hand on her back and slowly stroked her with my thumb - wow, how daring ! That night we stood with our arms around each and even, I think, danced together in the bar. The next day was the most comfortable we'd been together for a long time. So was she waiting for me to make a move back?

Lat month was bad for me. A big blow up at work ended with me walking out, money problesm etc. She is planning on moving away (to the other side of the world). She was talking about this one night, I got upset and later that night sent her the famous "we need to talk" sms. To which there was no reply and a 2 week silence.

She finally got in touch with me and we had lunch. She tells me that she has split with her boyfriend although they have to remain living with each other. We both go around to a friends for a barbeque later that night and thats were it all kicks off. She was very drunk and kept saying to my friends that I had done something bad - they thought I was having an affair with someones husband ! Then she says that they knew. They still didnt know what she was talking about. Eventually the whole thing comes out in a screaming match and she denies, on her childrens life, that she doesnt know what I'm talking about when I tell her about the signals she's been sending to me. As she drives away I tell her I love her - what a mistake.

She is now poisoning my friends minds against me by saying, in graphic detail, I had also propositioned another woman at New Year and that I am a liar. (I have no memory of the other woman at New Year but lets just say she could be my "friends" twin and with the amount of tequila I had inside me that mistaen identity could be the answer.)

She's not only outed me when I am still struggling with my own feelings, she's calling me a liar and some sort of preditary lesbian/bisexual/whatever and is still totally denying any memory/knowledge of the whole saga.

I live in a very small town and we have many friends in common. Its difficult to defend myself properly as I refuse to go into details with people as there's only one person who I should be talking to about this, which should have happened weeks ago. However, she's will probably never talk to me again. Its not as if any of our friends would have a problem with this if it happened, none of them are homophobes. I just cannot believe she could be so viscious and so far in denial that its come to this - she can uasually drink me under the table so drink induced memory loss doesnt work for me. I'll come out of this at the other end, I know. I'm old enough that I've been through plenty of shit in my life and it inevitably gets better, given time.

Sorry, for this long ramble but its often easier spilling your guts to complete strangers. My one piece of advice to anybody reading this and it sounding familiar is....TALK ! My friend is usually a totally upfront, get it out in the open type person but some issues go to deep - you may have to force the issue. Its incredible embarassing, makes you so vunerable and is potentially heart-breaking but please dont wait for it to blow up in your face like I did.

Post Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:34 pm 
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