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Why have i got 2 mummys?

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linziloo



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 5
Location: Liverpool
Why have i got 2 mummys?

Well, this is the burning question that has been annoying me for a while..... Me and my gf have a little boy each both from previous relationships and the 2 boys will be starting nursery school in 2 months!!!!

I am already being asked questions by friends and family about how we will cope with the questions and god forbid bullying when they start school, and as the time is near i am non the wiser!!!! Although my little boy has his dad in his life i can't hide the fact that i'm gay, but want to be sensitive to other parents who might not agree with me and my gf!!!

Now do we do a Shane from The L word and approach the teachers or do we just get on with it and cross that bridge when we come to it???

Any advice would be great!!!!

Post Wed Sep 26, 2007 4:08 pm 
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


I am not hiding my sexuality at my children's school. I don't force it down their throat either. When I was in a relationship (I am single currently), both of us were listed on the emergancy contact sheet with school. My kids were older when I came back out of the closet (this is my second time to be out, lol). They were in second and fifth grade. How do they deal with their friends and potential bullies... the oldest is in jr high and she tells her friends I am bisexual. That is a concept they can deal with as I have been with men. The youngest is in 4th grade and if asked if she has a dad, she says of course. If pressed she will tell close friends that I am a lesbian and challenge them to say anything about it (she is very outspoken and probably will come out of the closet herself at some time). The kids are not my biggest concern. The parents I sometimes worry about. I have yet to have big issues with them other than the polite decline to birthday parties. But, they even in those instances have not confronted me, just RSVPed with we have other plans. I have in those instances decided not to confront it and just let it go.
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The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:21 pm 
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Xalia1
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Joined: 05 May 2004
Posts: 3702
Location: In love


Linz,

This was a very good question. I am interested in the responses to this. I want kids someday, but as you said, what do you do?
I think I would probably just deal with it as it comes...but there are downsides to that as well. I'm sorry that I don't have advice for this, but I hope some of the other great ladies here do. Thanks for opening up this topic, and good luck.

**Hugs**
Xalia
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Post Wed Sep 26, 2007 9:53 pm 
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linziloo



Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 5
Location: Liverpool


Thank you ladies for replying to this.....

I am only concerned mainly as people around me seem to making quite a big deal out of the situation and there all straight!!!!!!! I know i will come across some sort of prejudice at some point but like you've both said i'll cross that bridge when we come to it!!!

my gf doesn't seem that bothered and i'm not really, but i think as long as I'm aware of the potential problems it'll make my life and my families life's a lot easier!!!

hank you both again for your advice and I'll be writing again when they start nursery........

Your Linziloo xxx

Post Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:41 am 
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Phoenix
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Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 1664
Location: Tallahassee Florida


I am going to have to walk a very tight rope as my children are in Catholic school! Imagine the hell they would catch if their friends knew that mom a lesbian.... I am not going to push the issue. I don't care what someone is, as long as they do their job and are polite.
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Post Thu Sep 27, 2007 12:34 pm 
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Rainbow Writer



Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Posts: 8
Location: Colorado


Wow! These posts are great! What a neat topic!

Phoenix, I had to laugh. I went to Catholic school for 7 years and, you are right, you are probably going to have some backlash dealing with the school and your sexuality. Yowsa! I do wish you luck there!

I grew up strict Catholic and did the marriage and Ozzie and Harriet thing for far longer than I want to cop to on the forum. But I always knew I was gay, I just didn't know how to come to terms with it because I'd been raised in a family where gay was not okay. I think you reach a point in your life, or at least I did, when I realized it was time to stop pretending. That we all deserve to be happy.

So, I left my ex and have a wonderful partner now who loves my kids. I was homeschooling them up until a year and a half ago. Fortunately, we live out in the boonies and the school they go to has only about 250 students (grades k-12), so it's very small, very family-oriented and, we have found, very accepting of diversity. We are out and proud at the school, that was important to me. I wanted them to know that, for all practical purposes, even though our "we are a free country" laws don't support our situation, Diane IS a parent to both kids. I wanted them to know they could contact her in case of emergency and so forth. She comes to school functions with me and she is very active in the kids' learning process. She helps with homework and everything. I wanted the school to respect her presence in our family and they do. Our experience has been great!

I wish that for everyone!
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Post Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:45 pm 
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cjerbear



Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 309
Rainbow Writer

I feel there will always be those who do not agree with a gay or lesbian lifestyle, but there are also those who want what is best for children. If a child is in a family .......whether it be mother/father....... wife/wife.......husband/husband....there is only really one presence in a family and that is Love. If you love a child and teach the child respect and to love others and open communication at all times......... I believe a child will grow up happy and loving themselves and the others around them, which is very vital in our society today. Peer pressure can be enormous and horrifying, but if a child is confident and knows who he or she is in life then no matter what family they live in they will become a great adult. It's the embarrassment of a child to tell someone that their mother is lesbian or father is gay that weighs on their emotions, so if you don't hide who you are and are open and communicate with your child those embarrassments are taken away. I'll give you an example.
My oldest daughter who is now 20 is very comfortable with the fact that if anyone asks about her mother, she immediately says, yes my mother is a lesbian and she has gotten more positive feedback then negative. Many want to know and ask questions and are curious. So, I believe the generation that is now growing up will be more acceptable to the fact that Lesbians exist..........Gay Men exist.......... and then there's heterosexuals..... LOL ............ So anyway, children growing up in any family .......just need love and support and COMMUNICATION.
'}} CJ
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Post Fri Oct 19, 2007 7:34 pm 
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Eia



Joined: 06 Dec 2007
Posts: 34


This is something that is duanting me and my partner as well. our little girl is three in a few days, and to her, one of us mommy, the other mama. She already asks questions about where her daddy is, and we take them as they come, but when she is in school (in this coming september) we are so afraid of not only the teasing, but un co-operative teachers.
The thing is though, we cant really hide it from them either, because of what she calls us- right infront of them...

im really worried, but i guess like all other gay parents, thats a bridge to cross when we get there

Post Thu Dec 06, 2007 3:46 pm 
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nobodysangel



Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Posts: 429
Location: TN


This is an excellent thread..a topic that can be related to by alot of women...I have 1 daughter..my ex had 3...together we had a baby boy...I was involved with ''her'' kids at school and she was with my daughter at her school..We were both an emergency contact..my daughter has always had her dad in her life..still does....my ex's children did not have that..I was the only parent they had known...we are not togehter anymore...my daughter has came out..I feel that she was able to do so because she was raised with 2 moms..she is very outspoken when it comes to people being treated fairly....what matters to me is just loving the child..so many children don't have 2 parents..if a child is being raised by 2 moms or by 2 dads and is loved that is all that really matters to me...I know that society is not so accepting of the gay and lesbian lifestyle..there will always be hatred as long as the world exists...just be who you are..love your child and your partners child.. raise them with respect...show respect to others..hopefully it will be given back...that has worked for me..I don't hide the fact that I am a lesbian..hope things go well for you and your family... Smile
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Post Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:47 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


As of this school year I've been living in teh same house with my partner and her two kids (one in K and one in 2nd) and I was a little worried what problems I could bring upon them at school. Worried they'd get teased or tha tthe administration there would be difficult. Well it's been half a school year now so I still dont know whats to come but I guess thats what I wanted to share with all the ladies with very young kids. It hasn't really come up in their lifes - their to busy making craft projects, learning how to read, and playing in the dirt. So relax some ladies, breath out.

Beyond that I have no experience - we're still in the middle of it. So wish me luck cause I get the feeling we will have to talk to the older one in the next two years.

Rave
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Post Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:27 am 
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twilight



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning


Just crossed this bridge again with my two girls. I signed them up for big brothers and big sisters. And in the parent interview I came out and told the interviewer that I am a lesbian. It came up because we were discussing that my dd is having problems trusting adults because of some ex problems in the past. Sorta had to laugh at the end of the interview when they asked (a required question) if I had a problem if the volunteer assigned to either of them identified as lesbian or bisexual. Guess they have had some issues in the past with some parents raising stink casue theur child was bonding with a lebian/gay/bi/whatever. Needless to say I could care less about the sexual orientation of the big assigned to my daughters.
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Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games

The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Post Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:53 pm 
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