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Hey..Oh my gosh, being a 2nd "mommy" can be tough

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Mystic



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
Hey..Oh my gosh, being a 2nd "mommy" can be tough

And also beautiful.


Moonie, my girl, has 3 kids and I we all live together.

Don't get me wrong, they are so so precious and I do love them so much, but it can be very very draining and difficult, not they don't give back, they do. It is just so difficult taking care of them, with laundry and huge huge messes (I am a small neat freak Surprised Confused Laughing ).

The hardest time I have problems with, is space. Wow, sigh on that one.
And having enough energy to give them time and to Moonie and to myself.

They are all a year apart and have all the same needs at the same time. Which is very tough.

And privacy, wow!

I have had to get used to all of this...I am 29, and do not have kids myself, lol.

Moonie handles them running around screaming better than I do, she knows they are kids, lol, I am like stop running around lol. She's having to teach me. She also lets me learn the hard way Wink

It is also very difficult managing our relationship and maintaining it strong and have time for one another and raising 3 kids. Time does not ever seem to be on our side lol...


thanks for "listening",


tammy

Post Tue Jan 15, 2008 11:26 am 
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MysteryGirl
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Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder


LOL at your post! Having had 3 kids under 4 I KNOW exactly of what you speak. It is tiring, messy, hair raising and seemingly endless!! But it is worth it................especially when they are all tucked into bed at night sleeping like little angels. Truly, I would enjoy them whilst they are small.......................because in a few short years they will all be TEENAGERS!!!!!!




Shocked Noni
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Post Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:52 am 
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Phoenix
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Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 1664
Location: Tallahassee Florida


Mystic,

My wonderful love Khaleesi sends her sympathy to you. I have 4 children ages 8 to 15, and she is having a wonderful time "adjusting". We just institued the hat of random acts of kindness.

We note certain behaviors that are kind, chores done without asking, and general good deeds. We randomly pick a time at night to have the children sit down, and announce "It's time for the hat of random acts of kindness".

We don't do it for every little thing they do as they should be doing them anyway, but we do reward them once or twice a week. There are things on slips of paper in the hat that they would like such as money ranging from .25 to $5, 2 hours of time with Khaleesi or me out doing whatever, icecream trip to sonic, 30 min of pc time, pick the story for bedtime, etc..

It seems to be going well. Tonight, Micky will be getting to draw from the hat for putting her breakfast bowl in the dishwasher, and also for politely asking her brother to throw her apple core in the trash bag while going to school this morning in the van.

I wish you well, and yes Noni, the years that they are little fly by and are gone way too soon!

hugs,

phoenix (perpetual mommy)
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"A little work won't hurt you bad, but just in case I'm wrong, you'll be smiling when they pronounce you dead." Amanda Marshall 'This could take all night

Post Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:26 pm 
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Mystic



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194


Noni, Lol! You mean I have more to look forward to then just run around the house screaming and making tons of noise? Rofl...I knew next to NOTHING about kids, Moonie, my girl, rofl...I think at times she's had to sit back and watch and I am sure giggle inside seeing me try to wrap my head around all of it.

They SCARED! me when I first came. They were running around like wild banschees and screaming and hitting and playing...and I was like Shocked Rofl...Moonie acted as though it was no thang!! Rofl!!!! Now I see why.

I have had to learn the way NORMAL Shocked Rofl...

They are really good kids.

thanks for replying!

tammy

Post Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:05 am 
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Mystic



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194


Phoenix, Lol...does your love Khaleesi (btw that is a beautiful name) have kids of her own too? Lol...I mean I am almost 30 and have been with her for a yr and like 2 months, living here...Lol.


They are such sweetie pie's and treat me with so much love and care and accept me. They call me Tammy yet refer to me as "mommy". I have told them how I just want to be an extra person in their life that cherishes, loves them, and teaches them, I do not want to replace anyone in their life, not their *deadbeat dad* *cough cough* or their mother.

That is a good idea to do. I am trying to learn my own tricks with them and their ummm "weaknesses* so I can get them to do more around the house or even consider their actions!! Lol...I found out one of them is inspired by food and snacks and have recently implemented that. Now some are trying to earn it, and Moonie lets me be the one to be the final say in it, lol...and so I'm trying to tell them they should be doing it, we are all part of the family, and should take care of each other, but also want them to have rewards, and not have them expect a reward all the time.

Moonie is so good with them, lol...

I wish we had so many of the things they have said on tape record!! Rofl...


thank you for responding!


tammy

Post Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:13 am 
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nobodysangel



Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Posts: 429
Location: TN
awww

The love of my life (csan) does not have kids of her own..She is an adoring aunt though..I have a 17yr old daughter..She has been so amazing to her..they talk online and the phone..thru text...my daugther adores her! When I move to California to be with her that is going to be awesome..I can't wait to see her interact in person with her new daughter..We are not certain yet if we want to add any of our own biological kids to the equation..''whatever happens, happens''..I do get the sense that she will make an amazing mom..She has so much love in her heart to give..I am so blessed that I have her in my life..I think my daugter is lucky to have her as well..How can any kid go wrong having 2 people that love them? i love you csan! Arrow Naughty
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Post Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:40 am 
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Mystic



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194


Hey sweetie, I am sure you are excited! It sounds like ya'll got a good thing, I've read some of your other posts Wink...I love my Moonie's kids, I cannot say like my own, because I do not know how that feels, but I do everything in my way possible to give them all that they need and want and think of constantly. They have grown to see and view me as their mom and I think that though their bond with their mother is very strong it has grown very strong with me as well, and I know that losing me would be like losing another parent, I will ALWAYS be a part of their lives. They give me so much love and treat me as their mother. That has always been their choice. We do not ask them to do that, they are just so special, and that see that their mom has special feelings for me too and vice versa. It's been difficult for them, but we are coming through. I love them to death and would do anything for them.


tammy
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Post Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:34 am 
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quietone



Joined: 28 Jan 2008
Posts: 10
Location: USA


Mystic,

I saw this post a while back & although I took the more chicken way out of things & created a user name my gf wouldn't know was me, I had to respond. Even before I saw this post, I had been thinking the same as you. I too do not have any kids & my gf has one son whose 10. My boundries and tolerance for things is so much different than hers. I care for her son yes, but I get so overwhelmed thinking that I thought I could do this for the rest of my life (ok, mainly the next 8 yrs for sure). I'm sure it's normal to be scared, etc etc. But I'm not mother material. I'm not. And I don't know what to do about it.

I apologize ... I kinda put a downer on this post of yours. I'm glad you are finding ways to learn how to be a 2nd mom to her kids.

~hugs~
quietone

Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 10:58 pm 
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moon_dreamer



Joined: 06 Nov 2006
Posts: 48


Arrow Mystic I think you do a wonderful job with my children and I know they love you to death. Thank you for being there for them as well as me and accepting us as a whole ALL of us Wink

Post Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:36 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


Myst I understand you well. My gf and I have been together as of next week for 2 years and I've been living here with her and her two boys (5 & 7 both about to have birthday) since the beginning of this school year. Now I've always been GREAT with kids. I was use to them being wild and crazy and cute and adorable. I've played, taught, and disciplined many a child both ones in my family and ones not. Yet when I moved in even I was a little overwhelmed. As much as I was use to the wildness I wasn't use to it 24/7 lol. I did the whole stop running thing to when they were just being kids. Heck I still do simular things every now and then only I'm much more aware of what really being a kid and whats just being bad.

I think the hardest thing for me was that having grown up with a brother that was nearly 9 years young than me and my gf's boys only being 2 years apart, I wasn't use to the constant bickering and fighting over silly stuff. I mean since I was over 10 when my brother wanted to play we never had to share the same toys until we were much much older and I could go down to his level and play with him almost like an adult would cause we were on such different levels. But again the boys are only 2 years apart and everything the older one puts in is hands the younger one suddenly HAS to have no matter if not 5 seconds ago he didn't want that toy at all.

They slip up a lot and call my mommy. For a while they even thought it was a joke. One would accidentally day it. They'd both realize what the one had said and then burst out laughing. Then repeatedly call me mommy and laugh afterwards. It was cute and silly. Now sometimes they say it and don't bother correcting themselves which while I'm not demanding they do that at all I secretly love. I think that it helps that I'm doing a lot of the jobs that a mommy would do. Since my gf has to go to work so early I'm the one that fixes their breakfast and lunch, and gets them ready for school. And since my gf is going to school while she does dinner I do homework with them. Think about it - yeah I'm probably the more domestic one anyways except for when we step into the kitchen. I do most else but my gf is definitely the cook - we'd starve if it was up to me to prepare food lol.

Okay, I just rambled on about nothing that probably helped you. I guess I just wanted to say that I really understood you is all. As good as I am with kids it's different when they are "your" kids and I think in the begging the biggest issues was they did things that if I had been there from the beginning they'd never have done. I think the four of use have settled into a nice understanding of rules and roles now that more time has past. Though I do keep wondering why they seem to come for me for every little issue they have with each other. I keep thinking to myself look there's mom right over there go bug her lol.

Oh and I think the thing that helped the most and I know this sounds bad but its what I first thought - "They ARE trainable!" lol. Not to say that they were wild and crazy monsters when I met them. Not at all. But like when we'd try to sleep in on Saturdays they would wake up at some unholy hour and start baning on the door, demanding all sorts of things and turning the knob to try to get in - that whole lack of privacy thing you mentioned lol. Well now Saturday mornings no longer sound like the police are breaking in and they have to learn to do such things as knock and wait, say excuse me when people are talking, pick up they're toys and keep there room much neater than the tornado attacked thing that their room use to look like.

I'll shush now cause otherwise I'll be typing a novel.
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Post Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:46 pm 
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Mystic



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194


Hey quietone,

It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed, I understand the feeling. It can be tough, especially when they are biologically not your's and haven't had the time to grow into losing space and all that. I know that is one of the reasons why I have not had my own children.

I hope that you will post again Smile


tammy

Post Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:23 pm 
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Mystic



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194


Moonie,

Thank you honey! Wink I am glad you feel that way.

I love you!


tammy

Post Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:23 pm 
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Mystic



Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194


Raven,

Rofl...my g/f begged me to read your post, lol...she thought it was really funny and sounded just like me.

It sounds just like our home, lol.

Thank you for sharing!

Rofl...LOVE the trainable part! Rofl!! Rofl...I used to think the same thing and still try to train them rofl then I realized they are like their mommy too rofl like being messy, rofl...

Seriously, I do try to hide from the responsbility sometimes :-/. She has always let me take on what I wanted to take on and I feel bad when I don't take on the responsibility, I feel like I should.

Do you ever feel that way?

Post Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:31 pm 
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Raven



Joined: 20 Jan 2005
Posts: 1409
Location: Basking in the Garden


I don't know . . . I always wanted kids from like forever. I think there are many reasons I'm here on earth but I think one of them is to be a mommy.

So yeah they were a momentary shock even if minor in the grand scheme of things but as much as I hate having to fix sandwiches for their lunch, make sure they get their clothes on, and fix (since Suzy tells me cereal and pop tarts don't count as "making") their breakfast every morning I love that I'm "their morning" you know. When they grow up and think back on being a kid their going to remember me.

I remember my mom use to wake up in the middle of the night and fix me soup, toast, and juice before giving me medicine when I was sick. I don't know how the heck she did that since I can barely drag myself into their rooms just to give them their medicine at 4am. But I'm willing to get better at it if only for them to remember me like I remember my mom.

There's two phrases I kinda live by:

1. "Knowing is half the battle, GI JOEEEEEE"

and

2. "If you love what you do, you'll never have to work a day in your life."

Both work when I think about the kids. I've made it halfway through the battle now. lol And yeah kids are work but when you think about all the reasons and joys why they're worth it, they really aren't too much work.
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Love is my Salvation and Destruction.

Post Fri Mar 07, 2008 2:02 am 
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