Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 66
Location: Northern Florida
my ex husband and my new gf
So, I'm dating for the first time since my husband and I have separated. I don't think the woman I'm dating is all that comfortable with the fact that I want my ex husband to remain a strong part of my son's life. How do I sit down and talk to her about how my ex husband loves my son a lot and how my son needs him to be there for him? How can I make her not worry that I'm not going to go back to my husband if he's around for my son?
Fri Sep 21, 2007 12:10 am
Khaleesi Moderators
Joined: 06 May 2005
Posts: 551
Location: FL
The welfare of the child is the most important thing here. I don't know how old your child is so I can't say how the child is affected by the breakup. That being said, the child needs to feel loved by BOTH parents and if you are comfortable with your ex it shouldn't be a problem. Anyone that doesn't see the child's welfare as the most important thing to worry about here ... IMO ... should hit the road.
Khaleesi _________________ Hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me.....
Never start a row in public when it can be settled politely in private. ~My Father~
Fri Sep 21, 2007 2:01 am
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
I agree wholeheartedly.
You do just what you said. You sit her down and tell her that your son is the most important thing in your life and his welfare comes first no matter what and if your ex is a good father, then it is in your son's best interest to have him in his life, and that means your life too, because he's your son.
Assure her that your ex will not be in your life as a partner anymore, but will always be part of your life because you both created this this child together and are both committed to doing right by him.
If she can't understand that, then you have major problems and it will be creating stress in your life, not to mention your son's life. She needs to decide now if she can handle that.
The kid comes first, no matter what, and anyone that doesn't understand that, isn't worth keeping around in my opinion. Maybe she just needs some reassurance from you that you are absolutely done with your ex in all ways except when dealing with your son. Just be open and honest and lay it all out now.
Good luck.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Fri Sep 21, 2007 2:17 am
ladybug
Joined: 31 Jan 2006
Posts: 138
Location: southern virginia
I could not have said it better than Dark...I feel exactly the same...my girlfriend was amazing in the beginning of our relationship my ex and i communicate on a daily basis for the sake of our daughter. we have joint custody and live only 5 miles from eachother so we have a three day / two day schedule thats a little bit complicated so i wont attempt to explain. we are all friends and even have dinner together once a month so that my daughter sees that were all in this together...my only advice would be to explain the situation to the woman you are dating and give her just a little bit of time to get used to the idea. if she loves you and wants this to work...then she will do anything to make sure it does.
Fri Sep 21, 2007 12:58 pm
Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
ANY person of ANY sexuality should already understand that a child needs BOTH parents.
If you have to explain that to her ---- well... hold on ta yer hat cause who knows what you'll have to explain next.
OR
maybe you want to raise to two children. _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
Fri Sep 21, 2007 4:03 pm
Phoenix Moderators
Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 1664
Location: Tallahassee Florida
I'm a mother of four, and my ex-husband is very involved with the children. They love their dad, and need him. How can you not communicate with him where your son is concerned? That means still having contact. It comes down to your partner, whomever she/he may be, has to feel secure in the relationship.
Make sure you know what she means exactly by not having a relationship with the ex. How long has it been since you and he split? If it's not that long, rebound is a real concern, and that is probably what she is afraid of. The bottom line is, if she really means no communication with him then she has to go.
phoenix _________________ "A little work won't hurt you bad, but just in case I'm wrong, you'll be smiling when they pronounce you dead." Amanda Marshall 'This could take all night
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