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Off the top of my head cont.

Ladies Lifestyle and Living Store
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baby_dyke86



Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 115
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Off the top of my head cont.

Most people who were blessed with a cushy desk job act in one of two ways. They are the social butterfly of the office. They attend all the Christmas parties, have dinner with coworkers OUTSIDE of work, and know everyone by some sort of self-made nick name. They also spend the majority of their day with their nose stuck up the bosses’ ass. The other type of person is the one who goes in, does what their supposed to, and leaves. They are punctual, keep to themselves, and make fun of the boss and his/her “shadow” on a normal basis. Guess which one I am?

My name is Rebecca. You can call me Rebecca (I don’t do nick names). I have been working in the same cubicle for a little over three years. I haven’t gotten a raise, I haven’t gotten a promotion, and the boss hates me with a bloody passion. Why do I stay? Because it’s safe. Because I know it well. It’s consistent. It is probably the only truly consistent thing in my life. I don’t really know anyone, but I like it that way. I have enough things going on in my life. I don’t need other people to make it worse. I live in a one bedroom apartment with Isis. She is beautiful and she loves me for who I am. Every night when I come home, she asks me how my say is. Then we lay on the couch and watch Law and Order: SVU until it’s time to go to bed (we both have a major girl boner for Mariska Hargitay). When it’s time to go to bed, she curls up at my feet and just purrs to her hearts content. Yes. Isis is my cat. Don’t laugh. She’s the best friend I ever had and I aim to keep it that way. She is the second consistency in my life.

Now, of everything that I told you, I neglected to mention one very important detail. Her name is Lori. She has worked in the cubicle next to me for as long as I can remember. We are the same type of worker. On time, sarcastic, lesbian. Okay, so maybe she isn’t a lesbian. I don’t know. I’ve never asked. I just know that she doesn’t, and has never, had a boyfriend as long as I’ve known her. Yes, I know that isn’t grounds to call her a lesbian, but it’s wishful thinking. We don’t so much talk as we do e-mail.

“Rebecca,
Have you seen the way Rose has been flitting around the office like a hummingbird on crack? It’s making me sick. Not to mention Larry (our boss) has become her own personal feeder. Maybe there’s something other than number crunching going on there, eh?

Lori”

“Lori,
Yes, I’ve seen it. My trash can is full of my own stomach bile. I hope she trips over her $500 Prada boots and lands on the copy machine. Then maybe the machine will break and I can go home early.

Rebecca”


And that’s all we do. Every now and then she’ll help me with computer problems. Yes, that’s right. I work at a job where all I do is sit on a computer and I’m computer illiterate. But I like it, because I can use it to make Lori come out of her world and help me in mine. It’s a great plan if you ask me, but you didn’t ask me.

There has always been a sort of tension between us. Well, for me anyway. Let me give you some examples. About a month ago, I was walking around the corner carrying my 100 tons of paper work when Lori came around the bend at full speed and knocked me on my ass. I was pissed until I looked up and saw who it was. She looked so embarrassed and sorry. Her face got red and it spread to her ears. Then she got this really sheepish smile and kept apologizing. It was so cute. Ahem, anyway, she helped me gather all my stuff and put it back in my arms. Then took her hand and proceeded to brush me off. My shoulders, my arms, my chest, everything. Mind you I was wearing a short sleeve shirt, so she was brushing my skin. I think I came right then, but we’re not talking about that. It’s about her. How can she not be a lesbian and pay my body that much wonderful physical contact?

Oh, then this one time we were e-mailing and I brought up Isis. She sent me an e-mail back about how she loved cats and had three of them and that they were her little fuzzy babies. THEN, and this is the clincher, she said she could never be with someone who didn’t love cats! Oh! Lori!!! Pick me!!! I LOVE CATS!!! You and I can live together forever in a big mansion with a million cats!!! Um, never mind. But yes. She’s a cat lover and it sounds like, to me, she dropped a big hint about the kind of person she wanted. I don’t know about you, but I sound just like the girl for the job.

Now you would think that after all this time and after her lusting over me (I can dream!) that one of us would have said something. Maybe asked the other one out for dinner. Or just over to ones house for a glass of wine and conversation. Or shopping for Christ’s sake. But no. Apparently I missed the “Laws of Lesbian Attraction at the Office” rule book. Rule number one must be “There is to be NO contact outside of work even if you’re fucking like rabbits up against the fridge in the break room.” We haven’t done that, but I’ve had many a fantasy. Never mind.

So we’ve established that all our contact has been in work and in work only. No phone calls. No outside e-mails. No snail mail. No telegraph. No carrier pidgin. No messenger on a horse who I had to pay with a flask of whisky for him to deliver the message. But last week, something happened. Something different and new and totally unexpected. Something that I sure as hell wasn’t ready for and never thought would happen.

I was sitting on the couch with Isis. We were discussing War and Peace over a dish of tuna and a glass of milk. Suddenly my phone rang. I figured it was my mother calling to ask me why I wasn’t married with children yet. Yeah, I know. I’m 32 years old and my mother still doesn’t know I’m gay. That time she walked in on me at 17 going down on Suzy Kimble in my bedroom should have tipped her off, but it didn’t. Or that time I was 24 and brought my girlfriend, Mary, to the family gathering and kissed her in front of every one, including my aunt Phyllis who was a nun, but it didn’t. I just let the phone ring. Then I noticed something. This ring was different. My mother’s ring was persistent. You know the mom ring. The one that pretty much says “I can do this alllllll night”. That wasn’t what this ring was saying. This was saying “I hope you answer”. I looked over at Isis. “Should I?” I asked her. She perked up her ears and gave me a slight nod. Good enough for me. I walked over and picked up the phone. “Hello?” I answered cautiously. “Rebecca?” a familiar voice asked. It was her. It was Lori. I smiled so big I thought my jaw was going to break. I looked over at Isis, covered the phone, and whispered “It’s her!”. Isis gave my a little smile, I think that’s what it was anyway, and laid down. I composed myself as best I could and I dove into the conversation. “This is Rebecca, who’s this?” I lied. “Oh, sorry. It’s Lori.” I giggled to myself. “Oh hey. How are you?” She hesitated a little before answering. “Good, I guess.” This got my sympathy. “You don’t sound good. What’s up?” I sat down at my kitchen table and prepared myself for whatever it was that she had to say. She began to spill out this whole story about how she wasn’t making enough money and didn’t have the time to work at another job and that her landlord was going to kick her and her cats out, because there was no way she was going to make rent. “I guess what I’m trying to ask is…can I stay with you until I get back on my feet?” Oh. My. God. My head swam. I finally happened. But wait…why me? I’m sure she had other friends. Good friends. Friends that would be more than happy to take her in. Just then, she spoke again. “I know you’re probably wondering why I asked you and not someone else.” Oh, this girl is good. “I do have friends. But all couples. All couples that I don’t want to impose on. I know you live alone, so I just thought maybe I could sleep on your couch or something. I’ll pay rent. I’ll help pay for food. I won’t make long distance calls. I’ll stay out of your way. Say something. I’m babbling.” Come! Stay! Eat my food! Call China! Get in my way! What do you mean you "know I live alone"!? “It’s alright with me.” I finally said. I could hear her smile over the phone and it made my heart float. “Great. So I’ll just follow you after work tomorrow?” This is too good to be true. “Sounds good to me.” We said our good-byes and then I did the only thing I could do. I jumped up and down squealing for 5 minutes and then started to clean the apartment.
_________________
"Okay look, Yoda needs to give me some better advise or Yoda needs to shut the fuck up."

Post Sun Nov 20, 2005 2:32 am 
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SWAY



Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Posts: 1560
Location: Upstate NY


Is there another installment to this ATTACK DYKE? I cant wait!

Hugs,
STRAPS
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Giving myself to others has made me jaded...

Post Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:12 pm 
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Ivy Tamwood



Joined: 27 Dec 2005
Posts: 8


Forgive me for being so late to reply.

Anyway, this was wonderful. I enjoyed the perspective, and all the humor you wrote in. I could really see this happening in my head as I read it. Wonderful. And, as already mentioned, I hope there's more. ^_~
_________________
That gun at his side wasn't going to do him any good. Sure, he could shoot her, and kill her, but then she'd be dead and she'd rip his freaking head off. And no jury in the world would convict her of murder, seeing as he killed her first.

Post Thu Dec 29, 2005 1:04 am 
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Shamrock



Joined: 16 May 2005
Posts: 31


Awesome story. You had me laughing out loud. Hope you update soon Very Happy

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 2:24 pm 
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Ximene_Xuxa



Joined: 27 Dec 2005
Posts: 135
Location: Gardening


Okay baby,

This story is just awesome, and to think I just stumbled onto it. I would be so dissapointed if you didn't continue it. I just love your sense of humor, this part had me laughing...

So we’ve established that all our contact has been in work and in work only. No phone calls. No outside e-mails. No snail mail. No telegraph. No carrier pidgin. No messenger on a horse who I had to pay with a flask of whisky for him to deliver the message. But last week, something happened. Something different and new and totally unexpected. Something that I sure as hell wasn’t ready for and never thought would happen.

please, please, please continue this! You have talent, use it!

xoxo
-suz-

Post Mon Feb 13, 2006 8:15 pm 
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lori



Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Posts: 1454


hahaha Laughing this really did make me laugh out loud!!! especially as i fancied someone named Rebecca and my name is Lori!!! Shocked

come back please!!! i wanna hear the ending!!!!! so funny!
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WHEN I FALL, I LOSE MY HEART AND FILL THE SPACE WITH HER..

Post Sat Aug 25, 2007 8:29 pm 
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