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partners with children

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lemonscent



Joined: 03 Feb 2006
Posts: 45
Location: Australia
partners with children

My wife has two sons, I on the other hand don't have children. So along with a wife I now have two step-sons, one young adult and one teenager....eeeek! Naturally my wife has many trials and tribulations as they begin to find their feet it life. While I try my best to be supportive, I am still aware she shoulders most of the burden and feel I should be more pro-active in the decision making process.

I am interested to know how many other's are out there that feel a little uncertain as to where the line is that divides step-mother from "none of your business".
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Post Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:50 am 
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DamagedGoods



Joined: 13 May 2006
Posts: 550


I have a 12yo daughter, and my gf has 2 teenage daughters who do not live with her, but that she has contact with. I know for my part, I welcome any and all input on our daughters upbringing. My daughter can be difficult and often I'm tired. I'm looking forward to my gf being here and having an active role in parenting our daughter. I think as long as the communication is good between you and your girl, you can discuss the boundaries and what is expected as far as parenting goes. But it is important that you understand exactly where you stand, and where the parenting lines are drawn.
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Post Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:12 pm 
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RedViolin1



Joined: 29 Sep 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Michigan


I am of the opposite viewpoint. IN GENERAL If the kids are over age 8 when you get together, its not in their best interest to try to have decision making roles. unless the kids specifically turn to you (and never ever undermine their mother) for advice, I would stay out of it. Hard hard hard to do. Best thing to do is to support their mom, even if you disagree with what she is doing. Remember they have been a family far longer than you have been in their lives. Respect that by respecting their relationship with her.
Talk in private with your partner if she wants that, but never discuss such matters it in front of the kids, even if they are adults. It can drive a wedge between you two. The kids didnt ask or necessarlily want you in their lives (despite the nice kind loving person you are) and if you dont have children yourself, be gentle and cautious with advice on parenting. Its not only what you and your partner want, its what the kids want that counts too.
If you turn out to give the wrong advice you might have them BOTH on your back. And you dont want that!
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Post Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:00 pm 
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DanceofSorrows



Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837


Lemon,

Every family is different of course and the way they go about things. My partner is gentle with my kids investing so much getting to know them with love and acceptance before anything else and in turn they respond in like. We have a good balance in our nucleus now. As a parent I am so apprechiative of my partner for her gentle support, her personality, her leadership by actions without a word needed. See, she allows me to parent and make my mistakes..lifts me up in encouragement with such patience and love, and she does not try to control our our relationship with her idea's of parenting. Believe me, she will tell me when I am wrong, her views on things, and we may agree or disagree...but her love and gentleness and the way she does things gives our family strength and encouragement to grow. We fit together wonderfully and I am so very grateful. She is the real strength of this good balance in virtue of her qualities and I will admit that.


Dance~

Post Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:31 pm 
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lemonscent



Joined: 03 Feb 2006
Posts: 45
Location: Australia


Thanks everyone for your feedback, I appreciate it. I'm still finding myself with all this and lean towards treading gently. Although I am prepared to be an iron fist in a velvet glove if my woman needs it. At the end of the day I'm doing my very best, as my wife does; what more can we ask of ourselves.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I welcome more perspectives that may be out there.
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life shouldn't be such a drama when surrounded by so much comedy

Post Thu Jun 15, 2006 1:12 pm 
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